Ethereal - a kiani au

fifty one

• Will's POV •

Tomorrow is my birthday. I still didn't know what Jordan's gift to me was yet. He actually hasn't texted me in awhile but I figured he went to bed early. But it's my birthday, I thought. Well, there's a few more hours. I was still hoping that we could maybe talk as it hit midnight to bring in my birthday. Guess not. I stared up at my ceiling and listened to myself breathe. I could feel the pressure building up behind my eyes and I could feel the tears starting. Why are you crying? I cursed myself. Please don't get like this again. I started to breathe a bit more rapidly and I tried to talk myself out of the sadness induced panic attack that was coming on. Last time this happened to me, my mum helped me. It made me start to panic a little more when I realized just how far away she was. My dad doesn't understand. He doesn't know how to deal with these types of things. I got out of my bed and walked into the connecting bathroom. I splashed some water onto my face and looked at myself in the mirror. It was almost like I could feel every piece of me starting to fall apart. I didn't even notice I was crying until my vision started to get blurry and I was coughing for air. I looked away from my reflection. I'm a pathetic mess. A pathetic mess who's going to be alone for his birthday. I sat down on the floor and brought my knees to my chest, sobbing into them. I couldn't even pinpoint exactly why I was crying. I just felt so awful. I didn't want to go back to this. I can't go back to crying on the bathroom floor every night for no actual, solid reason. I haven't done this since I met Jordan. He's so far away. He's so far away. I rocked myself back and forth for awhile. I couldn't tell you how long. Time seemed to escape me. I was starting to see the first few rays of sunlight outside and it made me feel so tired. Happy birthday to me. My eyelids felt heavy and I let sleep encompass me without even getting up off of the bathroom floor.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Will?" Someone said, shaking my shoulder. My eyes were stuck shut by all of the tears I had cried only a few hours ago. I felt disgusting. My eyelids eventually fluttered open and I saw Jordan. I was sure it was a dream and I hated my mind for playing this sick joke on me. "Are you okay?" He asked, brushing some hair from my face, his fingertips lightly grazing my forehead.

"Jordan?" I asked, thinking that this might actually be real.

"What happened?" He asked. He was knelt beside me on the bathroom floor, his eyebrows knit into a frown. I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't even have anything to say. I threw my arms around him and pulled my entire body to him so that I was in his lap, my face tucked into his neck.

"I thought you forgot about me," I said quietly. My voice was raspy from all of the crying.

"How can I ever forget the love of my life? On his birthday?" He said. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was smiling. He turned his head so that he could place a kiss on top of mine.

"I've missed you," is all I could say. I couldn't even move. He smelled like home, he felt like home. I never wanted to move from this position but I wanted to see his face. I moved my head so that we were face to face and we were both smiling as our lips danced together after so long.