Lights (2013)

6

Blair's POV

I had been running water over my hand when I heard the door to the room open. A wave of relief washes over me. Harry's back with the gauze. I step out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom, holding my arm out.

"I washed it with cool water but--" I stop short when I see Luke in front of me instead of Harry.

"What happened, love?" He asks, taking my arm and pulling me towards him as his beady eyes sweep over my wound. His touch makes my skin crawl and I gulp. I know he's drunk out of his mind and he won't know how to control his intoxication as well as Harry does.

"Where's Harry?" I ask slowly.

"Down with Penny," he answers honestly. I tense and he senses it as he pulls me closer. "What's wrong? Don't like Penny?" He smiles.

I don't answer, I just quickly pull my arm from him and tear down the stairs two at a time. Luke mystifies me and scares me more every time I encounter him. I make a mental note to stay as far away from him as I can from now on. I'm definitely not coming to any more parties at his house. Or any parties at all, for that matter. This one was a complete disaster.

I spot Penny's blue hair across the living room and sure enough, Harry's standing next to her, his back to me. I try to remain unseen as I stand behind a couple handing each other shots. I prick up my ears and try to listen in on what they're saying.

"Shut up, Penny," Harry's saying. His back muscles are tense and his hands are balled into fists.

"You know she's not your type," Penny says, draping herself over Harry's arm. "She's too clean."

My breath hitches in my throat. They're talking about me.

"I don't like her like that," Harry says. "And why don't you mind your own fucking business."

"Don't you know me, Harry?" Penny purrs, running her fingertips up Harry's arm. "I'm in everyone's business."

I swallow the bile that has begun to rise in my throat.

"So that means you're a fucking nosy whore then," Harry snaps. I feel a swell of pride for him as I see Penny's slightly mortified face before it twists into anger.

"Oh, please, Harry," she snaps. "We both know I can make you moan my name over and over again."

My jaw drops and I turn and run away from them before Harry can say anything. I'm mortified at her words. Harry said she was annoying but that doesn't mean he doesn't sleep with her. How could I have been so stupid?

I'm in the middle of rushing to the front door when I knock straight into Louis. He steadies me by my shoulders and looks at me with concern. "Blair?" He almost asks. He looks at my tear-streaked face.

"Take me home, Lou," I beg. "Please just drive me home."

He quickly nods and utters a goodbye to Niall, his closest friend that often comes to our house. He grabs my arm and pulls me out to his car and now here we are, on our way back to the house.

"Harry did something again," Louis states like it's an obvious known fact, which, by now it probably is.

I just sniffle and shrug, to emotionally worn out to say anything back.

"Just listen to me and stay away from him," Louis says. "He's no good and you're finally feeling the effects of that."

"He's--"

"Yeah, yeah, your best friend, but if he really was would he be hurting you so often?"

I'm silent again, unable to argue with Louis without telling him how I really feel about Harry.

"You don't know him like I do," I say quietly.

"Yeah, well I know him well enough to know he fucking hurts you every time you two even talk!"

"Shut up, Louis!" I yell now, turning to burn my gaze into him. "You were the one who dragged me to the goddamn party just so you could get laid so I should say you're not much better!"

Louis is silent. I huff and turn away, knowing I've won. I hate fighting with Louis because for the most part, we agree on things. Harry is the one of the only things that we disagree on.

My phone continually vibrates in my pocket. Messages and calls from Harry, no doubt. I shut my phone off for the night, not wanting to hear any more from him.

We finally pull up to the house and I get out, slamming the door behind me. I take the stairs fast but as quietly as I can to my room. I see a sleeping Lottie in her bed and I slide into my own bed, too tired and worn out to change.

I'm not exactly sure when the alcohol left my system. Somewhere in the midst of Harry speaking of my mother's death and me cutting myself on the shard of glass. I eventually drift off to sleep, my emotions continuing to run wild.

I don't know where Harry and I stand at this point. One part of me hates him for bringing up my mother and all the other things he said to hurt me tonight. Another part of me is jealous that he's been with Penny and all those other girls in ways he hasn't been with me. And one last, tiny part loves and longs for him.

I could never tell him, though. I could never tell anyone. Harry with the tattoos, the party animal could never be with shy, reserved Blair. Not to mention Louis would murder me; or Harry, for that matter.

The only person who could ever know how I really feel about Harry is my mother, whom I think about every day. I know she'll keep my secret.

"Dammit." The sound of a thump and a curse wakes me from my slumber. I jolt up in bed, widening my eyes to erase the sleep from them. My gaze frantically sweep the room as I search for the source of the noise. Lottie hasn't moved from her bed; she remains sound asleep. My blue eyes finally lock with vibrant green ones.

Countless emotions flood me all at once. He got in without encountering Louis, or I would have heard them yelling...how? My eyes travel from Harry's to the open window. He didn't.

"What the hell?" I hiss, not wanting to wake Lottie.

"Talk with me," he whispers urgently.

"No, get out of here!" I whisper-yell.

"Blair--" Harry starts. Lottie sighs in her sleep and shifts, stirring slightly before her breathing levels out again.

"Talk with me outside," Harry whispers again. "Or, we could talk in here and risk waking her."

I put my head in my hands. "Why won't you just leave me alone?"

Pain flashes across Harry's face before he turns and walks back to the window. He looks back at me. "Meet me outside." In one swift movement he climbs right back out the window, into the night.

I know if I stay in my room he'll just come back, and if I go I'll probably get hurt, one way or another. My mind runs in circles as I slip on a jumper and flip-flops and make my way down the stairs. I tip-toe through the foyer and out the front door, the cool night breeze greeting me. I spot Harry at the end of the front walk, his back to me. He turns slightly and the moonlight radiating from the half-moon in the sky bathes him in light, making him look heavenly. I flush and push away my thoughts.

I stand in front of him now, my arms crossed over my chest. I have no idea what he'll possibly say, so I brace myself for the worst out of habit.

"Blair," he breathes as if he doesn't believe it's me standing before him.

"What do you want?" I ask him, more rudely than I had wished, but I convince myself he deserves it. I know my expression is guarded, I can see it in his eyes.

"Why did you leave with Louis?" He asks.

"You didn't come back," I say.

"Yes, I did, but you were gone," he protests.

I can't tell him I heard his conversation with Penny, he'll assume I was eavesdropping on purpose and get angry. I lower my gaze.

"You scared me," Harry breathes. "I thought someone--" He stops, running a hand through as if he can't believe the thought he's having.

"Why would you even care?" I snap. "You've got Penny." Oh, shit.

Humor takes over the anger and worry in his eyes. "Don't tell me you're jealous of Penny." He tries to suppress his smile.

"No," I say. "I'm not jealous."

"Alright," he says, a smile tugging at his lips.

"I'm not!" I say again, my voice louder.

"I said alright," Harry says, raising his hands in surrender.

I huff, looking away. "I'm never going to another party again," I mumble so that I'm not sure if he hears me or not.

He doesn't show he did as he lowers his eyes to my hand. "How's your cut?" He asks.

"What?"

"Your cut. On your hand." Without warning, he reaches into his pocket and retrieves a roll of gauze.

I widen my eyes in humor. I forgot about my wound after hearing the conversation between Harry and Penny, even though it hasn't stopped hurting like hell. I look down at my hand. Dried blood outlines a perfect straight line where I was cut. Harry closes his hand around mine as he slowly wraps the soft, white gauze around my hand. I hiss at the contact of the soft cloth to my bloodied skin. My skin tingles from Harry's touch.

"There," he breathes once my hand is wrapped in a thick layer of gauze. I bite my lip and look away from his emerald-tinted gaze. I know my expression is still guarded.

"Are you mad at me?" Harry almost whispers.

I sigh. "You hurt me, Harry," I say slowly.

His head droops. "I'm sorry, Blair." He meets my gaze.

Deep down, I know he's sorry. He loved my mother as much as I did when she was alive. But I can't bring myself to smile and shake my head. I can't forgive him now, he's hit too sensitive of a nerve.

"Harry," I say. "I need some space for awhile."

His eyes flash with worry. "Space," he repeats as if it's a foreign word to him.

"Yes..." I say slowly. "It's been a long time coming."

All I see before I turn and reenter the house is Harry's green eyes, filled with pain and rejection.