Lights (2013)

39

Harry smiles all the way back to his house.

I call my dad when Harry goes to take a shower.

I get his voicemail.

"Hi, Dad," I say after the beep. "I know you probably expect me home tonight, but I'm spending the night at Harry's. He hasn't been sleeping very well so I thought I'd stay so he could get a good night's rest...I'll be home in the morning. Bye."

I know my father won't be too happy with me, but I'll risk it.

I change into pajamas that Harry laid out for me and tie my hair up. I turn on the TV and flip through some channels, waiting for Harry.

Harry finally emerges from the bathroom. He wears a white t-shirt and sweat pants. He shoots me a small smile as he tosses his dirty clothes to the floor. I glare at him.

"What?" He asks.

"Fold your clothes," I command.

He snorts. "No."

I cross my arms over my chest. "Fold them."

He rolls his eyes. "Fine." He bends down and scoops up the clothes. I watch as he sloppily folds the t-shirt and jeans, jamming them into his dresser. "Happy?" He asks.

"No!" I say, getting out of bed. I put my hands on my hips. "Do you even know how to fold clothes?"

He shrugs. I scoff and refold the clothes perfectly, earning an eye roll from Harry. I smile and slip back into bed, pulling the blanket up under my arms.

"You're insane, you know that?" Harry says, getting in next to me. I shrug and scoot over next to him. He pulls me into his arms a runs a hand through my hair.

I look into his eyes and see how truly tired he is, from not sleeping all these nights. I put a hand on his cheek, stroking it lightly. "Sleep, Harry," I whisper.

He sighs and turns onto his back. "I love you," he says.

I smile and kiss his cheek before turning over and shutting my eyes and drifting into my own sleep.

Hours later I'm awakened by the sound of page turning. I blink open my eyes and look over to see Harry sitting up in bed, his face intense as he leafs through Catching Fire. I look at his bedside clock and see that it's nearly one in the morning.

"Harry," I say, sitting up. He shuts the book and looks over to me tiredly.

"I don't know what's wrong," he says. "You're here." His eyes look exhausted.

"How long have you been up?" I ask him.

"I never slept." He looks away.

"What? Why didn't you wake me?"

"I thought at least one of us should sleep."

"Is...is this what you do every night?"

"Sometimes I don't read."

"Harry." I read out and run a hand through his curls. He looks back at me.

"I'm an insomniac," he says, shrugging.

I pull him into my arms, kissing his forehead lightly. "Maybe it's because you weren't holding me tonight," I murmur.

He bolts up. "That's it!" He smiles a bit. "I have to hold you."

I can't help but smile with him as he hastily shuts off the light, laying back down and pulling me close. He shuts his eyes and soon his breathing levels out. I shut my own eyes and fall instantly to sleep along with him, breathing in his scent, hoping that he sleeps well into the morning to make up for all the times he didn't sleep at all.



I awake at nine o'clock.

I look over to see Harry soundly asleep and I smile. I place a kiss on his cheek before sliding out of bed. I brush my teeth hastily with Harry's toothbrush (gag) and splash water on my face.

I peruse the fridge and pantry, looking for something I could possibly cook for breakfast. I scowl at the empty cartons of milk in the fridge.

I decide I need to go out to buy ingredients. I grab my shoes and phone and Harry's car keys before driving to the store.

"Pancake mix, pancake mix..." I search the isles before giving up and walking to the front desk to ask for help.

"Excuse me, but where is the pancake mix--" I stop short when I realize it's Zayn that I'm talking to.

"Morning, Blair," he says kindly. "You're up early."

I shrug. "I forgot you worked here," I say.

He laughs. "Don't worry, this isn't my actual...job. Well, it is, but only while I'm taking classes at the uni."

I stare at him. "You're at the uni?"

He nods. "I didn't want to live in the dorms so I could be closer to Perrie," he explains. "It's a long drive, but it's worth it." He grins.

"Oh, that's lovely," I say. I wonder if Harry would do that for me.

"Anyways, pancake mix in isle four," he informs me, flashing me a smile.

"Oh, thank you. I was just there, I don't know how I missed that." I laugh to myself.

"Have a nice day," Zayn tells me before we part ways.

I buy the pancake mix and hastily drive back to Harry's. I bound up the stairs to his room, quietly opening the door.

He's splayed out across the bed, his mouth hanging open slightly. I sigh in relief. Ten o'clock and he's still asleep.

I go back downstairs to make the pancakes. I hum to myself as I cook them on the stove, laughing as I flip them into the air. I turn around to slide them onto a plate that sits on the kitchen island, when I see Harry leaning against the wall next to the stairs, a smirk painted on his lips. I scream and drop the pan, pancakes flying everywhere and the pan clattering on the ground. Harry laughs at my shock.

"How long were you there?" I ask him.

"Five, maybe ten minutes." I glance at the clock. It's already eleven.

"Did you sleep well?" I ask as I bend down to pick up the pan and the pancakes.

"Actually, yes," he says. "Thank you...I've been needing that."

I smile at him. "No problem, Harry." I lift up the pan in one of my hands. "Breakfast?"

We burst into laughter as I serve the two of us plates of pancakes.

"I don't recall ever buying pancake mix," Harry says as we eat.

"Oh...I had to run to the store. Recycle your milk cartons, by the way!"

"Recycle? You've got to be kidding."

"Help the Earth."


Harry snorts.

"And also...if you leave them in there long enough you might get mold or something."

"Oh, now I'm sold," Harry says sarcastically. "As long as I don't get mold or something!"

I smack his arm. "Don't come crying to me when you get a filthy disease."

"From empty milk cartons."

"Yep."

"You're insane."

"Thanks. I just escaped from the local asylum, hide your weaponry!"

Harry laughs, his dimples showing. I can't help but notice that he looks healthier and well rested, all from a good night's sleep.

We put our dishes away (under my command) and I lean back on the counter, watching as Harry shuts the dishwasher.

"Blair..." Harry turns to face me, his demeanor suddenly serious. "Please...don't tell anyone about my...insomnia."

I nod. "I won't."

He nods. "Thank you."

"Harry, don't get angry," I say slowly, walking towards him. "But...don't you think maybe you should see a professional? I can't stay over every night, you know that."

Harry hangs his head. "You could, if you want," he says in a small voice.

"I can't," I say. "You know that."

He looks away. "I'm not--"

"Harry, just because you can't sleep at night doesn't mean you're crazy." I slide my arms around his neck. "I take antidepressants. I'm a thousand times more crazy than you." I give him a small smile.

He looks into my eyes. "If I do ever...see someone...promise you'll come with?"

I nod. "Of course I would," I breathe, glad that he didn't get mad at me for suggesting it. I kiss his cheek. "We could go today," I say hesitantly. "I know someone who I saw for a long time after...you know."

Harry looks at me. "I...I don't know, Blair." He pulls away from me, turning and running a hand through his hair.

"What's wrong?" I ask.
"I don't have a problem," he grumbles.

"You obviously do," I say. "If you can't sleep--"

"I don't have a problem!" He shouts more forcefully.

"Do you think it was easy for me to admit I had a problem?" I raise my voice. "Harry, you're blowing this out of proportion. Depression versus insomnia, which is worse?"

He turns back to me. "I'm sorry," he says, his voice softer. "I'll go."

I smile. "Alright. I'll call them."

Harry sighs. "If somehow this guy 'cures' me," he says slowly. "That doesn't mean you won't stay over, right?"

I almost laugh. "That's what you're worried about?"

He shrugs.

"Of course I'll stay over," I say, leaning in to kiss his lips. He kisses me back, his muscles relaxing.

I pull away and take my phone out of my pocket. "I'll make the call."

Harry locks his jaw. "Alright."