Lights (2013)

61

The drive to the cemetary is short. As crazy as it sounds, I never know what to say to my mother. It's different from talking to an actual person. It's almost like I feel I have to say the right thing to her. I swallow as I walk through the familiar gates of the cemetary.
It's always so serene here. Silence coats the green hills of the cemetary like a thick blanket. I shiver at the cold wind, pulling my jacket tighter around me.

I finally arrive at my mother's grave. I read the epitaph, as I always do. I analyze every letter of her name, her birthday, and her death date. I lay the flowers gently on the stone. I step back, pulling my mittens out of my pockets and slipping them onto my hands.

"Evening, Mum," I say. "It's chilly out, yeah?"

I chuckle a bit. "I'm sorry I haven't visited," I say. "I've been at uni. It's been great. Busy, but great. I'm with someone new now...not Harry. Harry hurt me, Mum." I sigh. "Why did he have to hurt me?"

The wind whistles in the distance. I rub my hands together.

"I know I shouldn't care," I whisper. "I shouldn't give a single damn about him anymore, but I always wonder if he's okay. I don't know why."

I bite my lip. "I love you, Mum," I say. "I miss you. And...I guess I'm doing okay." I tug off one of my mittens, shivering immediately at the harsh cold air on my exposed skin. I bring my fingers to my lips, then press them to her gravestone. "I love you," I repeat.
I quickly slip on my mitten and smile one last time at her grave. I turn and walk through the rows of graves, back to the main path.

When I walk out of the gate and into the lot, my heart drops to my feet.

Harry shuts the door to his car, a bouquet of pink roses in his hand. He wears a navy blue beanie over his curls and a black jacket with his usual black jeans. His eyes widen when he sees me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him carefully.

He looks down at the roses in his hand. "I felt like I needed to talk to her," he says. "I don't know why."

"Oh." I bite my lip.

"So...you're home?"

"Yeah. For the weekend."

"Hmm."

I stick my hands into my pockets. "How...how have you been?"

"Fine," he says. "You?"

"Good." I pause. "Busy."

Harry clears his throat. "I want to apologize," he says. "About my behavior towards Niall that night."

"Oh." I nod. "Thank you."

"You seem happy with him." I can't decipher the look on his face.

"I am."

Harry stares at me a moment. He finally nods and shoots me a small smile. "It was nice seeing you."

"You too." I watch as he locks his car and walks off toward the gates of the cemetary.

I turn and begin walking back to my car. I don't exactly know what to feel.

"Oh, Blair?"

I look back at him.

"I finished Matched." He smiles a bit. "All three."

I can't stop the genuine smile from crossing my face. "What...what did you think?"

"You were right. They're great books." He smiles wider, his dimples showing. I haven't seen his dimples in ages.

"I told you." The smile still lingers on my lips.