Lights (2013)

13

I break Harry's gaze as the door slams.

"I've never heard you speak that way to anyone," Harry says.

I look down. "He needed to hear it. He can't control my life."

Harry crosses the room to me. He looks at me, his expression unreadable. "Why don't we just save a step and have you stay here tonight?" He asks me.

"What do you mean, save a step?"

"You'll be coming over in the morning, anyway. Let's...save a step. Like we used to. You know, stay up until one in the morning and get second wind." He smiles at me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
"I don't have pajamas," I say. "Or a toothbrush. Or toothpaste."

"You can use mine."

"Ew, use your toothbrush? Nasty."

"You just exchanged saliva with me, I'm pretty sure using my toothbrush would be more sanitary." He flashes a grin at me and I flush.

I wrinkle my nose and shove him. "You're disgusting."

Harry catches my wrist and pulls me closer to him. "Of course, you could always choose the less sanitary option," he breathes, his eyes mischevious.

"I'm fine, thank you." I smirk, pushing past him and walking to the bathroom.

I end up using Harry's toothbrush, much to my disgust and Harry's amusement. Harry finds sweatpants and a t-shirt for me to wear, which I quickly change into. I put my hair into a ponytail and slide into Harry's bed.

"I don't know how I'm going to fall asleep," I say as Harry locks the door. "I can hear the party out there."

I feel the bed dip down as Harry climbs in, his body radiating heat. "I'll help you fall asleep," he says, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. I blush.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," I say. Harry looks into my eyes, bringing a hand up to stroke my cheek softly.

"Me too," he says. "Sometimes...I just...I can't control what I say."

"You can always control what you say."

"Not me," he says. "Not when I'm with you."

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone else...I don't have a problem saying these things to...but you...you make me feel horribly guilty." He smiles.

I crack a smile. "That's what I do," I say.

Harry laughs, a beautiful sound.

"Harry, you never said it back," I say suddenly.

"Said what?"

"You know." Harry frowns.

Harry turns onto his back, removing his hand from my face. He avoids my gaze.

I prop myself up on my elbow. "Harry, I don't want to be another one of your girls," I say softly. "If this is what we're doing here--"

"No," Harry says. "I would never objectify you like that."

"You do it to other girls--"

"Other girls aren't you!" He says almost angrily.

I don't say anything. I look away. "If you don't love me back that way, I understand," I say quietly. "I just don't want you to act like you do when you really don't."

Harry looks over at me. "Is that what you think? That I'm...acting?"

I shrug. "I don't know what I think. Frankly, I've been doing too much thinking." I laugh dryly.

"Blair," he sighs. "You and I...we're really different, you know?"

I nod slowly, unsure of where he's going with this.

"Even though we grew up together...we're very different people."

"What--what are you saying?"

"It should be hard for you to love me," he says. "You're the one with the broken family. Me...I've grown up perfectly. I don't have the right to complain about anything."

"You think...you don't deserve me?" I ask softly.

"I don't think it...I know I don't deserve you." He looks at me. "And I'm sorry."

"So...because you think you don't deserve me...you won't love me." I blink.

"No...no, I'll always love you." Harry pauses as I inhale. "I just want to be what you need."

I bite my lip, laying down on Harry's chest. "You'll always be what I need," I say in his ear.

I hear him exhale slowly as he turns over, pulling me closer. "Good," he says. He runs a gentle hand through my hair, sending shivers down my spine. "Good."

I wake up with Harry's arms wrapped tightly around my torso, his breath gently fanning onto my neck. His curls tickle my skin as I quietly unwind myself from him, stifling a yawn. I pad into the bathroom, silently shutting the door behind me. I splash water on my face, recalling the events of last night.

Harry told me he loved me.

I beam at my reflection in the mirror, chewing on my lip in disbelief. Twenty four hours ago I would have never dreamed anything like this would happen.

"Blair?" Harry calls from his room.

"I'm here," I reply, letting my hair out of its ponytail. I slipped back into my party dress, lacking any other clothes; and I certainly am not staying in Harry's oversized clothes, as comfortable as they are.

Harry appears in the doorway of the bathroom, sighing in relief when his eyes find me. "I thought you left," he says.

"Why?"

He shrugs. "Usually girls I spend the night with do."

I flush and turn back to the mirror. "I'm not a whore like them," I say.

"I know you're not, Blair," he says, realizing what he said. He wraps an arm around my waist, pressing his lips to my temple.

I take his toothbrush from the cup next to the sink and squirt toothpaste onto it, sticking it into my mouth. "This is truly disgusting," I say as I proceed to brush my teeth.

Harry snickers as he walks back into his room, pulling on new clothes for the day. I quickly avert my eyes from his toned body, blushing furiously.

"You look great in that dress," he comments as I spit toothpaste into the sink. "Looks a little hard to breathe in, though."

"It is," I say. "I'm going to need to run home and change."

Harry nods. "Sure."

I sigh at my reflection. "Let's get started, then."

"What?"

"This place looks like absolute shit," I say as I walk into the hall, picking up some empty cups. The dress is so tight around my body I'm afraid my circulation will be severed as I throw a cup into the trash.

Harry smirks and follows my lead. "We can do this later," he says, noticing my troubled movements in the dress.

"Oh, thank God," I say. "I might suffocate in this bloody dress."

"I'm surprised you don't insist on cleaning now," Harry says as we walk out to his car. "Usually your OCD kicks in."

"Not in this goddamn vice," I say, pointing to my dress as I slide into the leather seat.

Harry laughs as he takes me home, chewing on the inside of his lip.

"Are you okay?" I ask as we pull into my driveway.

"Yeah, fine," he answers.

"Is it...is it Louis?" I ask, reaching over to put my hand on his.

"I don't want to go in there and have him hit me, and then hit him back and have you get mad at me."

"He won't hit you," I say. "It's fine. You don't have to stay..."

"Do you not want me to?"

"I don't mind."

"I should probably go, anyway. I have to clean the house."

I nod. "Alright."

He sends me a smile. "See you later," he says. I wait for him to kiss me or something, but he doesn't so I finally unbuckle and step out of the car. He backs out of the driveway as soon as I shut the car door. Is he mad? Why would he be? I didn't say anything, did I?

I sigh and enter the house, shutting the door behind me. It's Saturday, so the twins should be at dance class. Fizzy's at football practice and Lottie...she's probably with friends or something. I carry my heels in my hand as I ascend the steps.

"Where have you been all night?"

I start at my father's voice. I turn and see him standing at the bottom of the stairs, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I was at...I was with Harry," I answer.

"In that?" He looks my dress up and down, a look of disgust making its way onto his face.

"It's not mine," I say.

"Then why are you wearing it?"

"I...I was...I was at a party." Why does he suddenly care about me?

"With Harry?"

"Yes."

"All night long."

"Nothing happened, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not worried. I just don't like you staying out all night and coming home at nine in the morning."

"Since when?"

"Since always, Blair. You're my daughter."

I scoff. "I was with Harry."

"Harry...Harry's not the same kid he was years ago."

"What do you mean? Are you saying he's dishonest?"

"Well..."

"You've barely given a shit about me since you married Jay and suddenly you care that I've been out with my best friend?"

"Watch your language, Blair."

"I'll start watching my language when you start being a better father!" I yell at him before running up the rest of the stairs and into my room, slamming the door behind me.

I strip out of the wretched dress and step into the shower, washing every trace of the party off of me. I let my wet hair air dry and dress in a t-shirt and jeans. I slip on my Keds and grab my car keys, making my way through the house and out to my car. I slam the key into the ignition and speed away from the house and my father.

I dial Harry's number and hold my phone to my ear.

He picks up on the second ring.

"Hey," he says.

"Where are you?"

"Home. Is everything alright?"

"No. Can you meet me somewhere?"

"Of course."

I hang up the phone and pull onto the freeway, turning toward a small park Harry and I discovered long ago.

I get out of my car, walking briskly toward the small stream that runs through the park.

I stick my hands into my front pockets, my hair blowing behind me in the breeze.

"Hey." Harry walks up next to me.

"Hi."

"What happened?"

"My dad again."

Harry nods. "What did he say this time?"

I look away. "Nothing." I don't want to hurt Harry's feelings with my father's words.

"Tell me."

"He...he was interrogating me like the fucking cop he is about where I was last night."

"He knew you were with me, didn't he?"

"Yeah, I told him but...he doesn't think you're so trustworthy anymore."

"Why?"

"Hell if I knew...he's so...ugh!" I look out at the stream, hoping the way the water flows lazily will calm me down.

"I'm sorry, Blair."

"It's just...he's such a shitty father and he gets on my nerves so easily. I hate being so intolerant but whenever I look at him I just see the gun in my mother's hand." I look down. This is the first time I've ever told anyone that.

Harry looks at me intently. "Blair," he says, reaching for my hand. He laces through my fingers with his, soothing me. He pulls me closer to him so that my face is buried in his chest. I don't cry, though. I refuse to cry over my dad.

"It was his gun, after all," I say, my voice muffled by Harry's body.

Harry runs a gentle hand over the back of my hair. "He's out of line," Harry says.

I pull away from him, turning away. I grab a smooth pebble from the creek bed and skim it into the water, making it bounce one, then two times.

"Not bad," Harry says, bending down to pick up a stone of his own. "But not great." He smirks at me as he skims his stone, bouncing three times.

"Lucky," I say, skimming one that bounces four times.

"Don't think I can beat that," he admits, half-smiling.

"You never could," I say.

He shrugs, his eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

"I'm sorry for coming to you with my problems," I say. "I feel like a fucking moron."

"Don't worry about it," he says. "I don't mind listening."

"Thanks," I say.

"Always."

(a/n: sorry we haven't updated in a few days, school has started and we most likely will not be able to update during the week, only on weekends. we will try to update during the week if possible, but if not, we will surely upload on the weekends. so sorry for the wait, updating for you all is definitely one of our priorities! thank you so much for reading and voting :) xx - tess and lauren)