Lights (2013)

35

I get into his car and we're on our way. My phone rings. 

"Are you coming?" Harry asks.

I sigh. "Yes."

I hear the smirk in his voice. "Good."

"Who was that?" Louis asks me when I hang up.

"Harry."

Louis rolls his eyes.

We soon pull up to a massive grey building. 

"Come on," Louis says. "Be careful here, yeah?"

I nod, following close behind him as we enter the monolithic building. Flashing lights almost blind me as we enter. A huge dance floor is set up in the middle of the building with a long bar to the right. The entire area is dark except for lights on the dance floor. Music pounds throughout the place.

"This is cool," I say to Louis. 

He nods. "They always come out pretty bitchin'."

I roll my eyes at his use of words and follow him to the bar where Perrie, Zayn and Luke stand. Perrie smiles at me.

"I see you got my present," she says, winking at me once we walk up.

"Yes I did," I laugh.

"I knew it would look great on you," she gushes. "Guys, doesn't she look great?"

"Oh, yeah," Luke says, his eyes raking my body. "You look hot."

I flush, looking away.

"You came."

I turn to see Harry behind me, a smirk spreading across his face. His eyes widen when he sees the front of me. His eyes trace over me until they meet my blue eyes again. The smirk is wiped from his face.

"You--"

"Blair." I turn and see Jane leaning against the bar. Her dark hair falls perfectly around her face and she grins at me. "You're looking wonderful," she says. I can't tell if she's being sarcastic or not.

"Thanks," I say, deciding she's not.

"You should hook up with someone tonight," she says, raising her eyebrows. "Warehouse parties are the best for that." Harry tenses.

I shake my head. "I don't think so," I laugh.

Perrie slides a drink toward me. I take it in my hand, sipping it lightly. It tastes of raspberries. She winks at me.

The group fans out, leaving just Harry and I, leaning against the bar.

"Where did you get that dress?" He suddenly asks.

"Perrie," I answer.

"It's...um." He clears his throat like he always does when he's uncomfortable. "It's..."

I look at him. "Last time I checked we were fighting."

He looks away from me. "I don't give a fuck."

"Harry," I say. "I get that you were worried, but--"

"Blair, I legitimately thought I lost you," he almost whispers, his eyes urgent. "Do you know what that feels like?"

"Yes," I whisper back.

Harry swallows. "I was terrified."

"Hey, guys!" Luke walks up to us with Ashley on his arm. She's obviously already drunk, her wavy blonde hair slightly disheveled.

"Hiiiii," she slurs. I nod in greeting and Harry takes a sip of his drink, looking away.

"We're going to dance," she says. "You should joiiiiin." She hiccups, bursting into a fit of giggles.

"I don't dance," Harry and I say at the same time.

Luke and Ashley stare at us before turning and stumbling onto the dance floor, disappearing in the crowd.

"Come on," Harry says, tugging my arm. "I want to show you something."

I put my raspberry drink down and allow myself to be dragged by him. He pulls me into a dim hallway off the actual warehouse and up a staircase.

"Harry," I whine.

"Just come on," he says and finally we're at the top.

I gasp at the sight in front of me. You can see the city all around us on the roof of this place. It's lit up all around us. I stare in awe at the beautiful, bustling city beneath me.

"Look up," Harry says softly.

I turn my face up and part my lips. Thousands of glimmering stars dot the sky. "Oh, my God," I say. "This is...this is magnificent!" I alternate from looking at the lights from the city to the lights in the sky.

I laugh, struck by the sheer beauty of it all. Harry laughs along with me. Our laughs join together in a beautiful sound.

"How did you find this place?" I ask. "The roof, I mean? How did you know to come up here?"

Harry shrugs. "After that night," he says. "The night when I hurt Luke...I was venturing around and found this."

I sigh. "It's...it's really beautiful, Harry. I mean, you look down and see the lights on Earth, and then look up and see the lights in heaven. There's just...lights everywhere!" I feel sheer happiness engulf me as I look around.

"There's lights in your eyes, too," Harry says softly. "There's always lights in your eyes."

I swallow when I realize how close we're standing. I step back slightly, but Harry catches my wrist and laces his fingers through mine.

"There are lights in your eyes, in your heart, in your soul." His breath fans out across my face as he speaks gentle words to me.

"Harry," I say quietly. I look down.

He searches my features. "Blair, I'm sorry," he sighs. "I'm sorry for getting so angry the other day." He brushes a hair out of my eyes. "I can't lose you, do you understand that? If I lose you...I lose my lights."

I look into his eyes. "Harry," I breathe again. We're close now, our noses almost touching.

Harry wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me, passionately and urgently. I almost crumble in his arms. I didn't realize how much I missed his kiss, his lips, and his taste. And I know that he's my lights, too. 

I pull away and take a few steps back, turning so I'm looking out at the city. I sigh into the cool summer air and wrap my arms around myself.

"What are we doing, here, Harry?" I ask. "What are we doing?"

He walks up next to me. "What do you mean?"

"I mean...we constantly fight, and then you kiss me and tell me that you love me and that I'm your lights but...then we go and act like none of that happens between us...and we go back to square one."

Harry stares at me. "What are you asking me, Blair?"

"I'm not asking you anything," I say. "I'm just...tired, I guess. This is all too much for me. I want to know where we stand."

Harry opens his mouth, and then closes it. I brush past him and back down the stairs to the party, wanting to give him some time. I don't even know what I want with us. Do I want Harry to be my boyfriend? Harry would laugh in my face if I suggested it. I guess I'll leave it up to him...as always.