Lights (2013)

60

Harry's POV

I shake the rain out of my hair as I enter the waiting room to Dr. Stone's office. Sally beams at me from the desk and I shoot her a small smile.

It's now early November, and the weather has gone from cool to fucking freezing. I hate the winter. I hate having to wear a jacket all the time. It's a load of shit to me.

I take a seat in the waiting room and exhale slowly.

I've been coming to Dr. Stone every week now. I guess he's nice to talk to, though I still haven't been sleeping at night. He wants to prescribe me sleeping pills but I don't want them just yet. Something deep inside of me tells me I don't need them.

I think of Blair all the time.

Sometimes it's when I'm at work, or when I'm driving, but it's mostly when I'm trying to fall asleep at night. Her ocean eyes flash into my mind, haunting me. A lot of times I think of the way her dark hair flows in the breeze, the pink ribbon popping out. Not a day goes by that I don't hate myself for what I did to her.

But she's with Niall now, and she's happy. I guess as long as she's happy, I'm alright.

"Harry." Dr. Stone nods at me from his office and I get up and follow him to the office that has become familiar to me.

I take a seat on the leather couch and lean back.

"So, how are you?" Dr. Stone asks casually.

"Same as I have been since Blair left," I say.

"Hmm." Dr. Stone leans forward and pushes a tin of chocolates toward me. "Sweet?" He asks.

"No." I cross my arms over my chest.

"How is Blair?" He asks.

"I wouldn't know."

"Have you called her?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"She doesn't want me in her life."

"And you're alright with that?"

"If it makes her happy."

"Hmm."

I look at the wall. "She's with someone else now," I say.

"Really."

"Mmm."

"Who?"

"Niall Horan."

"You know him?"

"He was one of my mates."

"Was?"

I exhale. "Was."

"She likes him?"

"Yeah, I think."

"Does she love him?"

I tense. "I don't know."

"Are you angry about them being together?"

"I was before...but..." I sigh, searching for the right words.

"But?"

"I just want her to be happy. I mean, I've known from the start that I'm not good for her."

"What makes you think that?"

"Look at me. She needs someone that can actually provide for her."

"Financially or emotionally?"

"Both."

"And you don't believe you can provide for her in the ways she needs to be provided for."