Lights (2013)

Epilogue

The funny thing about lights is that sometimes they can flicker, or completely go out. Others can be rekindled, or left extinguished completely. One thing that will always be held true, is that when lights are lit, they are blinding and powerful. I feel pain for those who have no more lights; no more hope, to look upon and know that things will be okay. I rather have the smallest flame than be left in the dark completely. But there will always be a time when light must die; when stars must explode into nothing; and join the oblivion.

...

I clutch the book closely to my chest as I walk towards the sun room of the assisted living home where I live with my husband of sixty years. We've lived here for about six months now; ever since he had a stroke and Alzheimers began to set in. It started with the little things like forgetting his way to the market or forgetting which pills he took that morning. Then it became more paramount; what month it was or our grandchildren's names. That's when I took him to the doctor, and when we moved into the this facility.

We like it here, I suppose. They take good care of us. But of course, I have moments where I wish we could be young again; I wish we had all that time left; I wish he remembered everything, but he doesn't. No matter how much I wish I could change things or relive a moment that I have saved in the depths of my heart, I can't because no one can live forever or stay forever young. It be umhuman. I rather be immortal, in the sense that people remember me for the good things I've done in life than live forever making no impact in those around me.

Looking back now, I can see that I made mistakes. I let good people exit the stage that is my life. I've let things reign over me, and at times destroy me. I now know how strong I am; in the sense that I have withstood the trials of life that some have failed. I have had moments of weakness, but that is human nature. Someone once told me, that my Achilles heel was my love for the people around me; my Harry, and our two daughters. I do not understand how love can be one's fatal flaw; but I do know I will stand by and protect everyone I love till the day I die.

We married at twenty-three, after I finished up my degree. I kept tabs on those who are dear to me; and then there's Louis... whom I had to see every Christmas so of course I kept tabs on him. Eleanor and Louis, had broke up, gotten back together; more times than Harry and I had. They had a-- as some say-- shotgun wedding; Eleanor had their first baby, Daniel, six months after. Niall, last I heard of him, had married a girl from his home town in Ireland, and had settled down in a small Irish town somewhere. Liam had gotten his degree, moved to the United States, got married to a girl, and opened his own company. Zayn and Perrie, got engaged a year before us, but waited twice as long to actually tie the knot. We are all old now; reflecting on life, trying to determine; if we fulfilled all we wanted too or not.

Time goes on, we grow old, and some of us die; but for those who keep living time just keeps coming. I once read that there is literally no time. Everything we think something happens that moment; it actually happened before you have realized it. Axiom, isn't it?

We live with the routine of the facility. Wake, eat, sleep, take medication, visit an on site physician, and repeat. Harry, likes to take his breakfast in the sun room, which over looks the English countryside. He likes the quiet peaceful setting. He has grown up. He use to be the life of the party, but now he's quite genteel. He liked quiet when he use to sketch, but he had to stop because the arthritis in his hands became to much to bare. He loved to draw me; he said that I had a timeless essence. He also enjoyed sketching our children; Paige and Madeleine; when they were younger.

Paige is our eldest, she was a honeymoon baby. She was quite a shock to everyone. We didn't know we were having a girl until her birth, I knew it, but everyone thought that it would be a boy. When Harry saw her for the first time he fell in love. He was terrified to hold her, she was so small. Growing up, she had my love of reading, but her father's knack for art. She'd take a book and illustrate in the margins. She grew up, went to college, met her now husband, and had two beautiful twins-- our grandchildren-- Erik and Sophia.

Madeleine, was our second child, a year apart from Paige. Her and Harry were too much a like. They fought constantly, but she always loved her father. In her teenage years she was insanely rebellious; just like her father, although he was to dense to see it. On her twenty-first birthday, she was hit by a drunk driver, and died on the scene. Harry blamed himself, for years. They had been fighting on the phone that day because he didn't want her to go out and party, and get into trouble. Towards the end of the fight she told him that she hated him, hung up, and we got the call from the paramedics a half an hour later. She had been crossing the street, and had looked down to text Harry, that she was sorry, when she was hit. Her death nearly destroyed us. Harry was nearly unreachable; he was worse than I was. Maddie was buried next to her grandmother from whom she was named. Harry use to walk two miles everyday to place a white rose-- her favorite-- on her grave. He still would too if he wasn't confined to a wheel chair. She was and always will be daddy's little girl. She had a tragic life; that she didn't deserve, but she embraced it's challenges all the same.

"Good morning, Miss Blair," One of the young nurses says. I smile warmly at her, as she passes me a small cup of vitamins.

"Thank you, mam." I reply without hesitation, as I continue on my walk. I move into a small coridoor that lead to the sun room; that leads to him. I walk down the hall opening the old oak door that seperates us. I see him, in a rocking chair staring out at the country scenery. I sit in the chair next to him, the book in my lap, my hand resting a top his.

"Morning, love." He says looking down at me, his green eyes dull with age.

"Morning." I reply with a smile, kissing him on the cheek. The edges of his lips twitch upwards. He glances at the worn book on my lap.

"What's that old thing you got there?" He asks leaning back into his chair causing it to rock. I run my hand across the surface of the book.

"It's a photo album, dear." I smile looking into his confused eyes.

"Oh," he sighs. I remove my hand from his, shifting so I can open the book.

This is our tradition, every sunday, I would reminisce with him over breakfast. He liked looking at the pictures; he liked listening to me tell him our life story; he liked remembering.

"Blair, why are you showing me this?" He wonders out loud. I smile tightly, touching the back of his hand.

"I'm going to tell you a story, alright?" The same story I tell him every week. The same story he forgets.

"Alright, love." He smiles, lines appearing around the corners of his mouth from years of smiling.

I flip open the first page, sliding my finger tips down the page. I wish I could feel the photograph like brail and pull the memory from it; reliving it over and over.

Our story begins in childhood. Our love came later. Our adventures has yet to end.

As I tell our story, and soak all the memories up until I can close my eyes and feel as though I have returned to that moment in time. He nods often, following our plot till the end. He then sighs and leans back into his rocking chair.

"I remember, now." He says and then he shuts his eyes, a small smile forming on his lips.

"Good," I tell him. "I love you, Harry."

"I love you too." He encloses my hand in his and we shut our eyes; soaking up the sunlight. Until we can no longer hold in the heat of the sun.

Until the lights have gone out.

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Author's Note:

Thank you for reading and we hope you enjoyed.

Love,

Lauren and Tess <3