Lights (2013)

32

"Blair?"

I look up. I hadn't realized that Phoebe and Daisy were in here, playing with some of Lottie's old dolls. Their eyes are wide.

"Blair, open this fucking door!" Harry growls from the hall, making us all jump.

"Go away, Harry!" I shout. "Just go!"

I hear Harry sigh and stomp off, and I exhale in relief.

"Come here," I say to the twins, and they climb onto my bed, hugging me around my neck.

"Don't cry, Blairrie," Daisy says. "It's okay." I smile wanly at the sweet nickname she gave me.

"Why is Harry so mad?" Phoebe asks.

"Because he was worried about me," I answer.

"Why?"

"Because I'm sick," I say. "I'm sick."

"You don't look sick," Daisy says, pressing her palm to my forehead as if checking for fever.

"It's not a kind of sick you can see," I say. "It's the type of sick you know is there; you feel it inside of you."

"Blairrie, get better," Daisy says. "Take your medicine and you'll get better." Her eyes begin to water and I realize just how close I've become with these girls in the past year and a half.

More tears spill down my cheeks as I laugh and hug the two to my chest. "I'm getting better, Daisy," I say. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

Phoebe plays with a strand of my hair. "Harry doesn't want you to go anywhere, either," she says. "Harry loves you."

I bite my lip to keep from crying all over again. I sigh. "Sometimes I think Harry loves me," I say. "But other times I just don't think he does."

"No," Phoebe says, shaking her head rapidly. "No. That's not how it works."

"What?"

"Love. That's not how love works." I see the glint of wisdom in her childish eyes.

Daisy nods in agreement. "Harry loves you. That means he loves you all the time, no matter what." She presses her small thumb under my eye and wipes away a tear. "And you love him," she goes on. "All the time, no matter what."

I pull the girls back to me, their faces burying in my chest as I kiss the tops of their heads.

"Come on," Phoebe says, tugging my hand as she slides down from the bed. "Play dolls with us."

I nod, feeling a real smile creep across my face as they shove a platinum blonde doll in a crimson dress into my hand. And I play dolls with them until nine o'clock, when Jay knocks on the door to get the two ready for bed. I tuck them into their sweet little beds and kiss their foreheads, realizing that they may not be my real family by blood, but they're all I've got now.



After a good night's sleep and a long shower, I feel back to my old self again. Whatever that "old self" was. To rephrase: I feel better than I did before.

I take my pills quickly before heading downstairs for breakfast.

Despite the premature ending to our trip together, I feel that my dad and I have restored some of our relationship, and I'm glad. I smile at him as I pour myself a bowl of cereal.

"Feeling better?" He asks me as he lazily flips through the newspaper.

"Very much," I say, sitting across from him. "I'm sorry we had to leave the lake early."

"No worries," he says. "Next time."

I nod, eating my breakfast quickly before heading to work.

"Morning, Blairbear," Shawn greets me from the front desk.

"Morning," I say. "Where's Liam?"

"He took the day off to go visit his parents."

I nod, setting my stuff down.

Shawn leans toward me, popping a stick of gum into his mouth. "Listen, Blairbear," he says. "The kids are in the back room. Now, I know they don't need too much supervising, but...if you don't mind." He gestures toward the back room with his head.

I purse my lips. "Really, Shawn?"

"I'll pay you an extra dollar an hour."

"Sold."

I grab my things and head into the back room. The two kids smile at me in recognition.

"Hi, Blair," they greet me.

"Hello," I say, putting my things down on Shawn's desk. I take a seat in one of the chairs facing the desk. "How are you guys?"

"Swell," Katie says in a monotone. "Being cooped up in the back room of this shitty bookstore is a grand time."

I snort. "I work here four days a week," I say. "I win."

Katie shrugs as she tosses Shawn's rubber band ball to Bryce. They toss it back and forth lazily.

"Where's Harry?" Bryce asks me.

I start. "He's...I don't know, actually." I shrug.

"You should call him over here," Katie says.

"Yeah!" Bryce seconds.

I swallow. "I don't know if that's such a good idea--"

"Oh, come on! He's hilarious."

I furrow my brow. "Harry and hilarious do not belong in the same sentence."

"Please, Blair! This is no fun, just the three of us," Katie says.

I groan, pulling out my phone. I hesitantly dial Harry's number, listening to the dial tone. I exhale in relief when I get his voicemail.

"Guess he's busy," I say, trying to hide the relief on my face. "Too bad."

The two groan in disappointment.

"Is Harry really that great?" I have to ask them.

"No," Bryce says. "It's just watching you two make fun of each other. That's all."

I stare at him. My phone suddenly rings, scaring me.

"Hello?" The two lean forward, hoping it's Harry.

"You rang," Harry's raspy voice says.

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