Haikyuu!! x Reader oneshots

『Search - Kageyama Tobio』

a/n; could be triggering, read at your own discretion.

Searching for validation from others in this world of ours is somewhat of a difficult trial for those who cannot even get themselves to validate their own existence.

(L/N) (F/N) was one of those people.

The dark thoughts swim around in their head, manifesting and waiting for the perfect time to strike and remind them, You haven't gotten rid of us.

Nothing was ever good enough.

The grades, how they looked, their attempts at even trying to get through the day.

Not good enough.

And so, the thoughts, the voices in their head take on the voices of those who tell them these things everyday.

They try, they really do try to continue living. Taking a break, they sit down and play a game to hopefully escape the reality of the real world, to turn life into fantasy. It works.

Until they die.

See, you can't even continue to live in your fantasy, why continue in real life?

They throw the game console at the wall and watch it slide between the wall and their bed, landing on the dusty floor underneath, never to be touched again.

One day, (F/N) met a boy who brought them the comfort they needed. The validation in this world. His name was Kageyama Tobio. He attended the same high school, was in the same class as them, yet (F/N) never noticed him. Until he said those few words to them.

"I'm in love with you."

But why? Why them? What had they ever done to deserve such kindness?

It's a lie.

That day, (F/N) ignores the voices. They have finally found a reason to continue.

Kageyama was there for them when they needed. When (F/N) was able to tell him of their troubles and problems with living, he shed tears. A reaction that (F/N) never expected.

So he continues to help them up, to validate (F/N)'s existence to the the best he can. 

During these golden times, the darkness decided to hide away in a nook somewhere in the back of (F/N)'s mind. At least, for now.

It happens again.

There is a falling out in the household, and words that should have been left unsaid float in the air.

"I wish you had never been born."

 That fateful day is when the voices come back.

You see? Even your own parents don't love you.

Sitting in their room on their bed, (F/N) is shaking, their hands are covering their ears, and they feel like they're suffocating. The tears don't stop, and continue to drip onto the fabric of the bed sheets.

With trembling hands, they take the blade that is kept stashed on their desk and add more slashes to the ones already striped across their thighs. The only way to keep from falling over the edge.

The next time they go to see Kageyama might as well have been a terrible nightmare.

Catching sight of (F/N)'s fresh scars, he can't contain his anger that was not supposed to appear.

"You're so helpless, I can't do this anymore."

The words hurt more than the cuts, and the voices only laugh.

Look at what you've done.

That night, they sit in their room all alone.

Reaching out, they try to call to someone, anyone, to help them get through this unending pain.

But the only answer they got was the giggling of the voices.

There's really no place for you here, is there?

No.

So what will you do now?

End it.

Their feet bring them to the desk where they scrawl out two words quickly before leaving.

"I'm sorry."

The next place their feet carries them outside. The wind whips around their head, jostling their hair around. Closing their eyes, they take a deep breath.

The sound of a train rings out through the night, disturbing the still quiet. That is the last thing they hear.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Being the one to finally push (F/N) over the edge was never Kageyama's intention. His temper got the better of him, and now only the sorrow, regret, and guilt replaces it.

Standing at a podium, his black hair slicked back, he adjusts the collar of the black shirt he donned. All around him sat those who knew (F/N). Their family, the volleyball team, others who had known about them.

He coughs and opens his mouth to try and formulate words. He closes it.

Trying again, he looks at the audience in black, staring back at him with puffy eyes, faces streaked with tears, some sobbing messes.

"(F/N) was-" Cough. "I-" Deep breath. Silence. The telltale pinpricks in the corners of his eyes. "I can't do this. I'm sorry." He slowly steps away from the podium and he runs away from the service.

"Kageyama, wait-!" Shouts a voice from the crowd, a boy with orange hair tries to get up from where he was sitting to go after the other boy. He is stopped by another, one with silver hair shaking his head.

"Let him be for now."

Half an hour later, they find him sitting with his back against a willow tree, the leaves drooping and providing him cover.

The silver-haired one crouches next to him, rubbing his back gently. "It's okay, Kageyama. Just let it out."

He does. The streams of tears that he had been holding in for too long make their way out and on his cheeks and clothing.

"I'm so sorry (F/N). I miss you. I miss you so much. I'm sorry."

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vent.

i'm ok.

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