The Alpha's Scarred Mate

Untitled Part 42

Have you ever felt like if you left the world, no one would miss you? If you just ended it right now. Jumping off a building, heart attack, anything. If you just died. Do you ever wonder if anyone would care? Cause I do.

I have nothing. Sure I have an adopted family. But I've only lived with them for about a month or so. And from what I can tell. I've caused a shit ton of problems already. I think if anyone would miss me, it would be Pat. But I know she would get over it. She could just find another little girl that needs her help.

No one really knows me besides Pat and maybe Cole. But I don't think Cole would care really. I mean, sure we are close. But it's not like I can't be replaced.

Well the reason for all this depressive talk. Is cause I'm dead. Yup you heard that right I am dead. Died. Murdered. No longer alive. Gone. Forever.

I've been living in this darkness for I don't know how long. There are no clocks or sun. So I don't know what time it is. There's no sound, or smells. There isn't anything to sit on, or lay on. I'm not even standing. I'm just floating through nothing. I feel no pain, no pleasure. I feel no sparks. I don't feel happy or sad. I'm just. Here.

I didn't think this is what death would be like. You know how everyone prays and all that crap. Well, their full of shit. Cause this is what life is like after death. If you can even call it that. You just float through a black void forever. Fun right. Yeah no.

There might be a better place after death. Maybe I'm in what most people call Hell. I mean it wouldn't surprise me. I've done some fucked up shit. But what's sad, is that I never got to experience anything pleasure full. My life was just a fucked up thing that some how counts as a life. But really, it was nothing.

I didn't go to college, I didn't graduate high school, I didn't find the right guy (if he was even out there), I didn't get to start a family, I didn't get to feel that love a mother feels for their child. I didn't get to do anything I wanted to do.

Hell I didn't even think I could do those things anyway. But then I got adopted into a family that was well off, and who acted like a family. That treated me with respect, and love. They gave me my own room, my own clothes. My own food everything. I wasn't forced into anything. Well, aside from going to school. But I mean there was nothing I could that Pat wouldn't do for me.

I finally had a chance at life. But then it was all taken away from me. Just so someone else could live. Which, I guess if you think about it, it was worth dying for. At least Travis was loved, and if he died, I would blame myself, and everyone else would blame me two. I mean he has people who would miss him.

Me. I was a no body.

I mean think about it. My birth parents sat me in a box, and left me on some random guys doorstep. I had nothing but torn clothes on me. I didn't have a name, nothing. I mean what parent does that? Mine apparently.

I was raped when I was only 7. Who would want me now? No one. I was broken, and used. Over and over again.

Sure I gave on book that was passed around the foster homes over many many years. But that was the only thing I did right. I protected kids from the foster fathers that wanted something more from them. I made sure they had food. I would hide some of the money that I could get from my jobs. Planning on running away but I always ended up using it so the other kids could eat. And I don't regret it.

But I do regret not thinking for myself some times. I mean I loved helping out those other kids. But who was looking out for me? Who ever thought about me and what I want or what I need? Sure Tyler did a little. But he wasn't always there. And I'm not trying to sound like a stuck up bitch. But I did all these things for all these people, and sure I got adopted which I would never complain about. But I did everything I could putting others before myself. And now I was dead. Hell I died because I was looking out for someone else.

But like I said no one would miss me.

Then make then miss you.

That was the first sound I heard ever since I fell into this darkness.

"Hello?" I called out to the darkness. "Is someone there?"

Make them miss you. You think no one will miss you when you die, make them.

What the fucking shit?

"Who's there!?" I screamed.

Oh Max. I've always been here. Just buried away until you were ready.

"I didn't ask you when did you get here! I asked who you are!" I stated.

The person laughed. I'm a part of you.

What the hell. "Great so I'm talking to myself." I called out to the darkness. God now that I look at it this way. I guess I really am crazy. I mean for real, I'm shouting out to the darkness where some random person who is apparently me is answering back. Yup sounds normal to me.

No. Your not talking to yourself. Not completely. But that crazy part might be true.

I didn't even say that part out loud.

"Tell me who you are!" I demanded.

Well, your mother never gave me a name. In fact, she made it to where I would stay buried in your mind forever. Yet some how, you found a way to let me out. So I'm whoever you want me to be.

My mother? What the hell does my mother have to do with this?

Everything Max.

"Ok. Well what are you? Are you like Cancer? Oh my god! I'm talking to my cancer! How fucked up is that!"

No. I'm not cancer Max. The girl laughed. The voice sounded sweet and beautiful.

"Then what are you?" I was getting annoyed. Just answer the fucking question.

I'm your wolf.