OC Reviews (Slow updates)

Victoriya Orlov (B+)

Admin Request: Angelica

Finally, I get an admin request! What's so off-putting about threatening to crush souls?

Name: Viktoriya Orlov

Pretty. I'm guessing she's Russian.

Age: 23 kinda cliche

Fandom: Original

Gender: Female

Before I  start, can i just say that this is really long. Right now, It's 1000 words. Bio's like this are great to have for yourself, but you might want to shorten when submitting it to others.

Backstory:- 1990: Vicki is born in Moscow. Her family is fairly wealthy and while Vicki has a little strict childhood, she doesn't mind; her parents do love her after all and they help her developing into a strong and confident woman. She goes horseback riding from a young age and keeps that hobby up over years. When she's growing into a teenager however, she notices she's not interested in boys. nothing wrong with this, but this seems like a pattern in your story. you should have more diversity. The questions from her friends at school at from her relatives start to go on her nerves and tells them very rudely that not having nor wanting a boyfriend is no big deal. - 2006: One day however, having come to terms with her sexuality, she tells her best friend at school. This proves to be a mistake because her friend doesn't only insults her for being a lesbian and word goes around the school.wow nice friend She starts to be bullied but lashes back out, very little of her confidence lacking. she clearly has tons of confidence, but being bullied must take some toll on her.While she is disappointed in her former best friend and actually everyone who has been nice to her before, who now starts to either ignore or actively bully her, she's not ready to take this. Her parents had taught her to keep her head up high and she will not bow down even now. At home, the relationship with her parents starts to cool down as well however, as soon as they find out about it. More and more fights between them break out, because Vicki had started to withdraw back into herself to deal better with the bullying and thus was more curt, even snappy with her parents. Those, being cut from the same wood as her daughter, didn't deal well with that and reacted sterner and less understanding with her. makes sense

- 2008: Vicki is a few months short of being 18 when a huge argument with her parents finally makes her leave her family – Who said in this argument anyways that they don't want to support such a spoiled, rotten girl.spoiled? did she do something to imply that she's spoiled? The mean parent story is cliche (Not that they hadn't said that before.) Vicki first still goes to school, simply because after a few days out with nowhere to go, she at least has a place to stay for the time of the day. She also didn't leave without a wad of cash, but when her father found out she did actually leave the school, he shut down her bank accounts. So this wad had to pull her through as long as possible. Vicki was also worn down mentally by now, thinking the world hates her anyways and started to steal to keep alive and buy some necessities other than food. She also had strong thighs and an excellent posture from her years of horseback riding and was never bad at sports anyways. So while she never took any self defence lessons, she was strong enough to get by around people who didn't either. - 2009: After having survived the Russian winter, Vicki suddenly meets Ivan Braginsky, who said he has heard of her what? creepy and wanted to offer her a chance to use her talents better than she did now. Vicki, while not being stupid and hesitating for two days, at last goes to the address he had given her. And there actually was no kidnapping, but a job offer – For Russia's most powerful mafia leader,well that escalated quickly but a job offer nonetheless. Vicki didn't care who she worked for as long as it put a roof over her head and food in her stomach. she had no problem joining the mafia?She rises quickly in the ranks, not only because she's determined to learn and become better, but also because Ivan likes her. They become good friends and soon enough, Ivan makes her his right hand. Please do not romanticise the mafia.

Story Time With Angelica! I know someone who was desperate job, and actually ended up getting into a sticky situation with the sicilian mafia, before quickly escaping

Personality: Vicki is, despite her depressing backstory, actually a very hearty person like most Russians. russians are hearty? I wouldn't know. She has to be a little sad, right? Ivan and the friends she gained in the companies later helped her to regain this part of her personality which she had before the bullying started. Are you portraying the mafia as good or bad, since you're sending some mixed messages. Being easily enthusiastic about things does not only make her care very strongly about her friends and lovers, but also very petty when she doesn't like someone – and she determines who is friend and who is foe very quickly, plus is rather vindictive. this makes sense with her backstory, although the mafia giving her happiness back is contradicting this She is quite distant and even a little cold to strangers at first though, but that behaviour starts to fade soon enough. Appearance: Vicki is 1,57 meters short, is slender but not petite; isn't that what slender means? especially her legs are quite trained. She has blonde hair that reaches to her midback and is proud of it, no matter how many people tell her it is impractical (the curse of everyone around you having short hair.) Her eyes are mix out of green, blue and brown, but it mostly looks brown-greenish until you pay a really close look to her face. She also likes to wear make up. Strengths: Vicki is quite versatile in fighting due to the professional training she was offered at Ivan's place. She's also very confident in herself and stands up with vigour not only for herself but for everyone and everything that's dear to her. Her stubbornness makes her a good learner, because if she wants something she'll be often frustrated but keep going until she made it nonetheless. Weaknesses: She's vindictive and often snappy and downright cruel to people she doesn't like, plus she develops dislikes quickly. She is also very protective of her opinions, hurting even people she likes in arguments when she snaps at them and, if you haven't noticed yet, has quite a short fuse in general. this contradicts her traits of being hearty and strong. her weaknesses make her seem weak and emotional\Love Interest: Irina Teblanski. She met Irina when Ivan hired her and even when Irina was still a subordinate of Vicki, she started to develop a crush on her and even befriended her. She was delighted when Ivan made her her colleague and started to get even closer to Irina. It hurt her to know that Irina was so insecure about herself, especially her love life, and she tried her best to help Irina and be there for here; and deep down she also hoped Irina would have feelings for her. When Irina did and told her about it, Vicki was so happy she thought she'd die. They've been a happy couple for three years when my story starts. that's all good, but how do you get all this backstory across if you start three years after?

Overall, this OC has tons of potential. They're definitely not a Mary Sue. There are tons of tweaks you can make, like more diversity, and changing her traits so they don't contradict her. Also, you're portraying the mafia like a big, happy family, which they're not. You need to show the dark side.

Mary Sue Rating: 2% Her backstory is a little cliche

Originality Rating: 90%

Interest Grade: 70%