Saving Styles

Back To The Bar

Harry's POV

What the actual fuck am I doing? What the hell was that, Harry? You fucking idiot.

I silently cursed myself the entire way back to the pub trying to figure out why I'd done anything I did tonight. I have no idea what the fuck came over me, I knew I was a complete dick to Hannah but I had no idea why. That wasn't like me, at least I don't think it was.

The only thing I did that was normal for me tonight was fucking that chick in the bathroom. Even so, why the fuck did I feel so guilty about it? What did I even have to feel guilty for? I barely even know Hannah, I know I like her but this wasn't about that. It was just sex, the same as it always was. So why did I feel so shitty about it? All night I had felt drawn to Hannah like I had the first night I met her, like no matter what I did I was being pulled towards her.

From the first time she ever looked at me it was like I need to know her, like she's had some fucking hold over me that I can't explain. Of all the people there that could have walked in, it had to be her.

I don't even know why I offered to walk her home, it's like I just wanted to be alone with her but when I was I had nothing to say. Talking to chicks was never a problem for me, I could talk my way into any chick if I felt like it, but all of a sudden I can't think of a single thing to say to make a simple conversation?

Why did I even wanna be alone with her? What do I possibly think a girl like that would want with me? Why am I even trying to figure this out? The girls in my league are the ones who fuck me in pub bathrooms and I never see again. That's how it was, that's how I liked it. All of a sudden I care what she thinks of me and I'm somehow devastated that she now thinks I'm a whore. Which I guess is partially true, but still. And if I care about her opinion why the fuck was I such a dick to her?

I thought for a second we were getting somewhere after I managed to tell her I see her, the look in her eyes was pained, but I could tell it made her feel something she didn't want to. I would be lying if I said it didn't make me wonder just exactly what that dick she used to date had done to her. I did see her, I knew who she was, as crazy as that was since I barely knew her. She'd pulled away from me, I'm sure because she convinced herself I was full of shit.

My mind was all over the map as I made my way back into the pub only to be greeted by a sloppily drunk Niall.

"Styles! You get Hannah home okay? I like that one, she's a good time." He smiled as he draped a drunken arm around my shoulder.

"Yeah, she's good." I mumbled.

"You look like you need a beer." He said as he waved the bartender over.

Brian and Ashley were at the other side of the bar, Hannah had no doubt already texted Ashley to tell her what a scumbag I was. I made a mental note to avoid them for the foreseeable future. The bartender brought me my beer just as Zayn approached us, leaning on the bar beside me and ordering a beer.

"I know that look, mate. What did you do?" He laughed as the bartender put the beer in front of him and he took a swig.

"Just being me." I sighed as I took another gulp of my beer. Zayn turned to face me as I leaned against the bar, staring at the wall on the opposite side of the pub.

"Why do I feel like this has something to do with Hannah?" He asked. I shrugged, no idea what to say. "Oh come off it, Styles, I saw you two staring at each other all night. Niall said you walked her home, so what happened?"

"I don't even know." I sighed. Zayn just looked at me waiting for me to go on. I'd known him long enough to know he wasn't gonna just walk away and forget it. "Where do you want me to start? Maybe when she walked in on me fucking some chick in the bathroom? Or no, how about when I offered to walk her home and then snapped at her the whole way like a complete dick until she had put me in my place."