Flaws and All

(Chpt.3-10) Self Harm😰

Chapter Three
-As A Teen-
~~~~~~~~~
:: 30 minutes later ::
~

After picking up James from daycare and now unlocking the door to the house, I couldn't feel my heart beat anymore. I was in pain, pain as if my heart slid from body and shattered each time I took a step.

Pushing through it for now, I carried James upstairs to his room. I placed him down in his play pen and turned on the tv right before I left out again.

"Diya?" his little voice called out.

"I'll be back okay" I said with a sniffle, not really wanting him to see me cry.

I cracked his door and walked down the hall to the bathroom, closing that door completely to let it all out. Tears and more tears came crashing down as I sat on the lid of the toilet seat.

What was wrong with me. I didn't even know what I did so wrong for him to just break up with me like that. I tried my hardest to please him and it still failed.

...I was a failure. It had to be my fault. Like it always is. I got pregnant at 12 years old, still living in my parents house while my own child calls me "Sister".

All the pain and shame came on to me like demons. Poisoning my head and making me do the unthinkable yet again. Reaching my lowest point, I reached out to the infamous blade in the medicine cabinet and held out my arm, crying.

I ripped my skin in seconds, crying out in so much pain while blood covered my wounds. I leaned over towards the sink in front of me and laid my head up against the cold ceramic to continue crying from my broken heart.

*Small knocking*🚪💢

Wiping my face immediately and clearing my throat, I reached over and opened the door. Revealing my little brother behind it. "James I'm coming okay..."

"You okay Diya?" He asked.

"I'm fine.."

"Why can-I-I hear you crying. Are you sad?"

"I'm fine, okay. How did you get out of your play pen though?" I stood up, trying to change the topic.

"I come to see you.."

"I know that, but how?.." I asked him, cleaning my arm and washing that and the blade off.

"I don't know. I just really wanted to see you..." he said, sounding so innocent.

I smiled in the mirror and wrapped myself up with bandaids. He opened the door wider to step inside, catching me as I applied the bandaids on to my arm.

"You use ban-aids too?"

"Ban-aids?" I laughed. "Yeah, I use ban-aids. Diya has a boo boo"

"Did you fall down? I get boo boos when I fall down"

"Gotta be careful next time, okay" I closed the medicine cabinet finally and bent down to pick him up.

"Diya you eyes are pink"

"Oh it's okay, let's go back and play in the room" I carried him out the bathroom and back into his room.