My mafia leader

39

"Emillio?" I call out for the 100th time this week.

And again no response. He's gone. He's left me when he promised he wouldn't. Not a call, letter, nothing. The love of my life is gone and all I feel is pain. In my chest, like I can't breathe and the walls are closing in on me.

"Emilio, come back." I wheeze.

Nothing.

"Please!" I cry out."PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME. I NEED YOU!"

"Baby sh, it's alright. I got you. Shh." I am shaken awake by Emilio. He looks frantic as he holds me gently.

My body still shakes from my nightmare at the thought of loosing him. It's already been an entire week since he told me, and I can't seem to shake the sickening thoughts.

I quickly crawl into his lap and snuggle against him.  "Please don't leave me."

I tilt my head up. " I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. I promise. I love you."

I snuggle my cheek against his chest "I  love you too."

We sit in silence for awhile, with him stroking my hair and rocking back and fourth. These small moments make my heart race, and calms my nerves. "I'm sorry that I woke you up."

He skakes his head "don't apologize. You couldnt help it" he lets out a yawn.

I crawl off his lap gently and go to my pillow. I try being careful of my stitches when I grab Emilio's arm and pull him down into the bed beside me. We stare in eachothers eyes for what feels like an eternity but it is only a few minutes, before Emilio's eyes begin to droop.

"Go to sleep my love." I whisper while running my fingers threw his auburn hair.

At the small gesture his eyes close, and the roomies filled with his snores. 
It takes me awhile longer before i start to grow tired and sleep consumes me.

----------------------------------------------

Today I woke up earlier than Emilio. I just can't seem to sleep these days. After the accident every time I close my eyes I hear Emilio's cries for me to wake up. While Emilio sits sound asleep, with a peaceful smile I lay on my back staring at the mirror above our bed. I feel out of the sorts. It's hard to think of anything else.

Decide that laying here wont do anything. I get up and take a long hot shower. Hoping to clear my mind..... But of course it doesn't. I slip into a pair of grey seats and a oversized white t-shirt, I go to the library. I sit in my usual chair facing the outside world of Sicily. My mind keeps replaying the moment of when the gun was pointed at emilio. I blame myself for wanting to go out. It was my fault we were out in the predicament anyways. What if I hadn't noticed it? or if I was too scared to do anything? What if we had just stayed inside the rest of the night? All these what if's, and all there doing are making me replay the memory of getting myself shot, and making They're own alternate endings. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I don't want to talk or move. I also don't want to think but my mind can't seem To shift itself down. I think I'm going insane, and I'm in a downward spiral with nothing to latch onto.

I don't like looking in Emilio's eyes as I once did..... They hold fear and worry everytime he looks at me. He's cautious as if one second I'm going to snap, and frankly I don't blame him. I miss the way his eyes glimmer with happiness, and twinkle who he saw me. I miss his piercing hazel eyes, and yet..... They hold no color, and no happiness what's so ever. He's letting this eat him up inside and it's killing me that I can't do anything.

The door creaks open disrupting my thoughts.

"Babe?" I hear Emilio says with a hushed husk whisper. His voice is filled with tiredness and sleep.

I feel so helpless. I keep waking him in the middle of the night, making me feel like a newborn baby. I feel so guilty..... For everything.

"Yes?" I say while looking back at him.

"Why are you awake, and in here?" He rubs his tired eyes while shutting the door.

"I couldn't sleep." I look down at my entwined fingers.

I hear a light patter of his feet. Before I can glance up he lifts me up out of the chair before he sits where i originally was plopping me down on his lap.

"Stop fighting this. You are making yourself feel guilty for something that you didn't do. Nothing would have been different. Maybe instead of you, I would have been shot, either way one of us would have gotten hurt sooner or later. Let yourself relax, you need to sleep it won't help your recovery. You also need to eat.. It's not healthy for you to not eat. Now please let it go." He looks at me with pleading red eyes.

I nod my head slowly still thinking. "Go back go bed. I know your tired."

He shakes his head "not without you. As soon as you wake up or leave the bed my body seems to know and wake me up. I'm not going unless you are."

I smile at him before leaning and kissing him softly. I stand and take his hand dragging him into the bedroom so we can both sleep peacefully.

A/n

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