Our Alternate Ending | | A Pokemon Adventure

Chapter 41- Crys of a Broken Girl

Dear Ash,

For many months after you left, I dreamed of the day you would talk to me. I dreamed it much sooner than it came. I dreamed it would come while I still had hope it would. However, you chose to leave it three years.

Three. Long. Damn. Years.

Those first few months were the worst. Learning to deal with a new sharpness that pierced every breath. Feeling my heart fracture every time your face flashed in my head. Good memories were poisoned with your image. Bleeding black until each jubilant remembrance became a thought I dread. Something as little as big brown eyes could trigger rivers to cascade down my red stained skin.

You made me weak, Ash Ketchum. So damn weak.

You left Elaina and I with nothing to hold onto. Empty handed. We couldn't continue our journey, it was not ours to finish. You forced us home.

Do you know what that's like? To just go home? After everything we went through?

It's lurid. Shameful. You could go as far as to say it's loathsome.

Elaina begged me. It's strange, to watch your friend on their knees before you. To hear the forlorn in their voice.

"Please can I stay with you!" She pleaded. "I can't go back home. I can't go back to my mother. And all this over a stupid boy, she'll think me foolish!"

So inevitably, I said yes. My mother wasn't too hesitant with allowing her to stay, either. Promised as long as it took the both of us to pick our deranged pieces off the floor. We slept on my small twin sized bed, squished onto every spare inch. Elaina by the window, head on the footrest. I on the end, head against the headboard.

We'd help my mother look after the Rhyhorn during the days, watching the sun rise and fall with no true meaning. The passage of time was slow without you. Sometimes I wondered if time was all that unreachable. Cause if I could grab it and speed up the days, I swear I would. The sun never crossed overhead without me thinking of you, Ash. All I wanted was to avoid a break down.

I guess the universe was fair, in some way. It kept the balance. I shattered early, crumbled into a puddle of my own tears. Letting the most meager of things chock me with sobs. But at that point, Elaina was strong. Still had her windows boarded and pillars holding her faults together. She didn't cry, not for the longest time. Instead, she was there to caress my hair, sweep stray tears from my cheeks and tell me I was better. Better than what you deserved. 

And I got stronger, too. The longer you were gone, the more time I had to patch the disarray scraps back onto my wellbeing. Glued together with heartache experience. Torn piece by torn piece. I didn't need you anymore. I don't need you anymore. I don't need those cosmos in your auburn eyes. I don't need the touch of your sun-kissed skin. And right when I was strong again, Elaina broke down. Her pillars collapsed, and she, along with them.

Remember when she swore to never cry? You should have seen her the day she fell. You'd never guess it was the same girl.

I'd baked sugar cookies that day, and Elaina, being the sweet-tooth she is, snatched one as soon as her component fingers could bare the heat of a fresh bake. Taking a generous bite, she smiled. And then she cried. Salty regrets gushed from her waterline. She cried five hours straight that night. It was my turn to be the comforter and her, the comforted.

All my pillows were soaked by morning. I'd changed cloths thrice. One of the most arbitrary nights we endured.

But you know what she said after her last tear rolled down the valley of her neck? I think you'll be surprised.

"You know what, Serena?" She swallowed the abundance of saliva in her mouth. "I guess we're destined to lose, sometimes. Lose people. We can't win everything. Certainly not other's hearts."

I don't know. Maybe we just have bad fortune.

What I do know? Hearts that are broken are hearts that have been loved. You gave me enough love to fissure my heart into shattered glass.

Do you remember that flower you picked for me? The seven petaled one that was oh so beautiful? You'd put it in my hair, tucked behind the fold of my helix. They say those flowers resemble undying love. It was one of those reminders that would provoke my tears. Remember how it never died? Well, soon after you left, it wilted until the petals fell under the pressure of my fingernail.

Maybe, whatever we had, died along with it.

Did I ever tell you that I loved you, Ash Ketchum? Did I ever tell you I loved the way your eyes would sparkle at the mention of a battle? Did I ever tell you I loved the way your hair tangled with the wind currents? I loved the way your smile held an energy of its own, trickling like fulminations into your dimples.

I guess, you left before I had the courage to tell you.

You ruptured my world into casndecent pieces of yearning. Jarred fragments of the sun.

Just know I'm not angry at you for leaving; that was fully justified. I'm angry that you wouldn't call. That you never once told me you were okay. Or your mother was okay, at least. Your reasons? I may never know. Regardless, I'm sure you had them.

But I refuse to be the broken girl that loved you so unconditionally, she thought one day, you might love her back.

That one day, you'd speak a word to her once more. Even to tell her, you'll never speak to her again.

Yours truly,

                The girl you left behind...

I watched the paper crumple softly under my finger tips. Even as I held it up against my bedroom window that filtered in September sunlight, I wasn't sure why I had written it. A final goodbye, maybe? Or I liked the way my feelings fountained in the form of pen ink, spilling from the deepest chambers of my heart, right onto the page.

Whatever the reason, I didn't plan on keeping it.

Ash would never read that letter.

Striking a match against the side of the matchbox, I watched a single spark splutter into a full-born flame. It flickered and danced in front of my eyes, performing as if on stage, surrounded by fluorescent lights and melodic music. The fire danced like I wanted to.

Lifting the blaze to the corner of the page, I let the flare sear across the paper like a wildfire. Before any cinders could pepper the floor, I tossed it into the steel bin by my desk. With a heavy sigh, I watched it combust and char. Turning a sickly shade of black.

Just like his hair...

"Serena, come on! Our ride to the airport is here!" I heard Elaina call from downstairs. It came as a small fright and I flinched in shock.

"Coming!" I shouted back, hoping she'd resist whatever urge she had to come up and retrieve me. I hadn't told her about the letter. Nor did I want her to know.

Making sure there was no risk of a house fire, I put the last of the embers out with a little bit of last nights coffee -- which still occupied the mug on my desk. I hadn't liked coffee before Ash left. I guess, my mouth just got used to bitter tastes.

I left everything behind there, burnt and smothered in the bottom of my bin. There where it could die peacefully and painlessly. So maybe, I could move forward, with the big dreams I had planned.

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I know it's sad, but this is what I meant when I said things had to get ugly before they could be happy.