emotions

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this is pure shit but it's all i have right now, so try to enjoy it.

happy.

happy.

happy.

sad.

emotions were always the hardest. especially when they're about john watson. his emotions were off the radar.

sad.

sad.

happy.

happy.

happy.

happy.

happiness was the best feeling around john, but then there was another feeling, a feeling that sherlock never really felt before he met john watson;

love.

it was so hard for him to process because he's never felt it before, but he was sure this is what it felt like. he was positive, but he wasn't positive that john felt it back, so he buried it deep down inside of him and left it alone.

happiness. love.

happiness. love.

sadness. love.

anger. love.

but it always came back. the worst feeling was the day he came back to the man he loved and saw him propose to a woman. he couldn't do anything because john didn't love him back.

heartbreak.

sadness.

deep dark pit of sadness.

pain. relief.

hapiness.

sadness.

heartbreak.

john found him in the drug den when he came looking for mary's friend's son. he had him pee in a cup so molly could test it. maybe john watson really did care about him, but then after that, it was silence. until john decided to pop in for a visit one day, seeing sherlock laying on the floor with a belt around his bicep, and a needle in his hand.

heartbreak.

john picked him up and carried him to his bedroom, laying him down. he took the belt of his arm and threw it across the room. he sat in the chair in the corner of his room and waited for him to wake up.

pain. pain. pain. pain.

sherlock groaned and sat up, wondering how he got into his room, the he noticed john sitting in the corner.

"you're using," john sighed with anger. "why?"

sadness.

sherlock laid down and curled up into fetus position.

"answer me." john demanded, slightly shouting.

sherlock flinched and held himself.

fear.

john stood up and sat on the edge of the bed. sherlock could hear him breathing heavily. "why are you using?" john asked again, calmer this time.

"y-you chose her," whispered, sniffiling.

"what does this have to do with mary?" john asked.

heartbreak.

sherlock buried his face in his knees and held in the sobs. he was hoping that john would be smart enough to figure it out. it was exactly nine minutes before john finally figured it out. he straightened out and stood up.

"how long?" john asked.

heartbreak.

"how long have you been in love with me, sherlock?" john asked again.

sherlock sat up and looked into his lap. "the 30th of january 2010."

john stared at him, thinking. "we met the 29th.."

sherlock looked up at him, tears forming. "i know."

sadness. fear. anger. pain. loss. heartbreak.

john sighed and rubbed his face. he didn't know what to say. he walked out of sherlock's room and into the living room, grabbing his coat. he stood on the landing, remembering the first night they ran from the yard because john shot the suspect in the head.

happiness.

he turned around and looked into the flat, seeing the shot up smiling face on the wall remembering the day he came home from tesco and saw sherlock shooting up the wall. he smiled a bit.

even happier.

then he saw the ash tray on the mantel piece, remembering the day he wore a sheet to buckingham palace and they laughed about it. sherlock stole the ash tray because john said something about it. he smiled.

pure happiness.

the day that he watched sherlock fake his own death just to save his life.

love.

was john finally understanding his own feelings for sherlock. realizing that sherlock has only been in love with him since they met. he finally understood the reason why he left the wedding early, why he hasn't talk to him in two months. he was heartbroken. sherlock holmes was heartbroken. john dropped his coat and ran back to sherlock's room, pulling him off the bed and into a passionate kiss.

sherlock was shocked at first, but kissed john back. it was ther for the both of them;

pure love.

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