Adopted by Phan

Chapter 22

Phil's P.O.V.

I felt sick, I knew mum didn't mean it that way but I felt terrible. Jay didn't seem to react, she didn't move, but I could see her blank stare indicating that she was thinking about something else.

Dan was still looking at me, eyes wide. I don't think he'd seen that side to my mum, and it might deter him from telling his parents. I knew that my mum would tell my dad and probably my brother if he was around too, so I knew not to bother telling them.

"Should we tell your parents Dan?"

"I dunno... I really don't know how they'd react."

They all knew about our relationship and were fine with it, although my parents were the only ones who knew about our plans to adopt, other than Louise and Cat of course.

"Shit!" I looked up at Dan's sudden outburst and saw Jay looking up too, her hands held in front of herself from when she jumped.

"Have we booked flights for Vidcon?" I jumped off the couch and checked my computer, my emails specifically, for any information about flights. Scanning the more recent emails didn't show me anything, so I scrolled down further and further until I was sure there was nothing.

"No, there's nothing in the emails. I don't think we have." Jay looked at us, a little confused I think but she knew what we were talking about.

"Isn't it in a few weeks?" I nodded.

"Yeah, less than that I think. Two and a half weeks?" I could hear Dan swearing underneath his breath from where I sat and Jay grinned, beginning to cheer up. I spoke again.

"Should we book them now? And another thing.... Is Jay coming? It would kind of... out us. If she is we'd have to do a video before that." Dan looked down at Jay.

"I know this might seem rushed, but it's up to you Jay. You can decide if you want to come because if you do it'll change everything." She sat still, thinking. She was still clinging to Dan's hand and Dan was squeezing back, his knuckles almost white.

"I don't know... If I do go, doesn't that mean you'll have to tell your fans about your- relationship?" It hit me like a punch in the stomach and I felt a little bit queasy, I knew it would have to happen one day, but in less than two weeks?

"I'll only do it if you're ready, I don't want to force you out." I saw Dan staring at me, we had discussed coming out before, but Dan hadn't wanted too until he released his video on depression. After that, he wasn't sure.

I knew I would be okay with it, even though it would take a long, long pep talk before I'd be able to do it. Dan, I had never been sure about. I wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to come out, but I didn't mind, it was just whenever he was ready.

"Dan?" He shook his head.

"I can do it."

"I'll do it then."

-------------------------------------------------------

The next hour or so were taken up by booking flights, talking to Louise, who was going with us, looking up the hotel which had been pre-booked for us and choosing rooms and then planning the video. The video.

For the hotel, we got two rooms side by side, one with a double bed and one with two single beds. Louise had volunteered to stay with Jay when we were busy and she also said they could share a room to make things easier, which Jay quite happily agreed with.

She spent the majority of the time leaning against me, pointing out random things on occasion but mostly remaining silent. She seemed a little tense but otherwise okay, probably just the thought of everyone knowing about her weighing on her shoulders.

Dan seemed stressed too, worry more than anything. After the planning for Vidcon, we started to plan out the video. Dan suggested using some of the 'edit that bit out' moments, where we had kissed or accidently acted to affectionate. I had saved those moments, mostly for memories but it turned out to be quite a good idea.

Jay helped us pick some of the best moments, laughing a little every now and again at some of the more stupid clips I'd saved, just for us. One of the clips was in 2009. Just one, from the first PINOF, and then the next clip was late 2012, leaving a good 2 year gap.

A lot of the clips were recent, 2016 and 17, when Dan and I were becoming a lot more comfortable at being affectionate, although not so much that I didn't have to have to edit a lot of our moments out.

It took a little while, but after another few hours we had enough moments all edited together. We just had to film our talking part, which we had scripted and just before we went to film it, Dan froze.

He was shaking, I could see it, and his mouth was opening and shutting. I turned to Jay.

"Can I talk to Dan alone?" She nodded and fled the room, heading to her own room I assumed.

"Dan, you know you don't have to do this, we won't make you. Please, if you aren't ready, just say so..." He let out a choked sob and threw himself onto to me, and I held him close, rocking backwards and forwards.

He rarely cried, I had only seen him cry on a few occasions, mostly out of fear. I don't think I had ever seen him cry out of pain, even when he was in hospital. The other times I had seen him cry was before he released his video on depression, and when we had fought. It had been a big fight, in 2012 and it left a big impact on us, so big the fans picked up on it.

I knew he was scared, this was probably the biggest thing we had done and it would probably change our lives forever. I could almost feel Dan fighting with himself, most of him wanted to go ahead and do it, but there was some parts begging him not too.

----------------------------------------------------

It took a good half an hour to calm him down, but after that time he settled down into an almost trance-like state. He was staring blankly at the floor and I thought I heard him mumbling to himself on a few occasions.

"I'll do it." His voice was quiet, low and I could still hear the tears in his voice. Looking down I could see tear tracks covering his face, his eyes rimmed red. I kissed his forehead gently, reaching over to grab the blanket and wiped his face with it, removing the remaining tears.

We spent a little while going over the script again and after Dan was looking normal again we went upstairs to the gaming room. We decided that would be the easiest place to record the video, with two chairs already there and a warmer setting.

Jay sat beside the desk, out of view of the camera but we could see her, even if no one else could. We had agreed to leave her out of it until maybe a few days before Vidcon, releasing a video or just announcing at Vidcon, we hadn't quite come to a decision.

"Hello Internet, and as you can see by this video we've got a bit of explaining to do."