Adopted by Phan

Chapter 111

Phil's P.O.V.

We had been awoken by little Phoenix at about 2am for a feed, the third time that night, but Dan had seemed unsettled. He had said that there was a foreboding feeling in his chest and he knew something was wrong, something was very wrong. While I had gone downstairs to make Phoenix a bottle he had gone to check on Jay, and that was where everything went wrong.

From downstairs I had heard him scream and I had rushed up the stairs, only to see Jay's bed empty, her crutches and prosthetic gone and a pile of letters sitting on the end of her bed. All at once my heart sank, my gut told me that she hadn't just gone for a walk.

Dan ran for the letter first, going for the one that was marked with our names and ripping it open, reading it out loud.

To Dan and Phil

I'm sorry. I'm so, so goddamn sorry that I didn't mention any of this but I can't keep going anymore. I can't keep telling myself I'm okay, even though I know I'm kidding myself to try and feel better about everything.

This is just to say thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance, giving me a home where I didn't have to fight to get through to the next day. Thank you for believing in me, even if I didn't believe in myself. Thank you for giving me the love I needed, even if I couldn't return it. Thank you for giving a life for my son, a life that I couldn't give him on my own. Thank you for being the people that I needed in my life to give me the support that I needed so desperately.

Look after Phoenix for me. He deserves the life that I couldn't have and I know you can give him that. Tell him that I love him, but I can't stay here anymore. He deserves the world, but I can't give him that. You can.

I'm sorry.

Love, Jay Tori Lester.

P.S. There is a letter for Phoenix there, to explain everything when he's older. Give him all my love and promise him that it wasn't his fault.

Dan's voice cracked as he read her name, tears starting to flow from his eyes. Phoenix was asleep in my arms, completely oblivious to what was going on around him, how much trouble Jay could be in.

"What do we do?" I looked up at him, tears streaming from my eyes.

"Call the police, we have to find her."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't long before there was police everywhere, lights and sirens blaring outside our house. As far as they were concerned Jay was a high priority case because she was a run-away and was at risk of taking her own life. In terms of us, we knew she would try to take her own life, this wasn't just a run-away situation. She couldn't survive out there like she used to.

After what felt like days of questioning, even though it was probably less than an hour, we were taken down to the police station in a police car. The officers had taken the letters from us, just temporarily they told us, so they could try and find any clues of her whereabouts or any significant locations that could be used as a suicide spot.

Dan and I had no clue where she could be but we knew some general locations, like where she lived while she was on the streets and maybe, my brain thought, maybe in the location where Autumn and Mr and Mrs Carsh had died. I had only remembered it because of her sketch book, the first one she had had, and it seemed like they were important people to her.

At the police station we ran into both Officer Briny and Mrs Harrow, who were running up and down the station with bits of paper and people and god knows what else. Mrs Harrow stopped when she saw us, giving us a reassuring smile and taking us into a side room, where she gave us both a cup of tea and some cracker, plus a bottle for Phoenix, who was wailing as he hadn't been fed.

Dan was in tears, he was terrified, possibly even more scared than when Jay had been kidnapped as there was always the chance that he wasn't going to hurt her. Not now though, we all knew that she was going to try and take her own life and it was only a matter of time before we found out what had happened.

Phoenix, now asleep in my arms after being fed, was sleeping peacefully and paying now mind to the people with pounding footsteps walking past our room, the yelling voices and my jerky movement, my arms moving as I cried. He ignored all of it and kept sleeping soundly.

Dan just sat in his chair with his head on my shoulder, wringing his hands and tears falling from his eyes. We both knew deep down that she was probably gone and we felt like we didn't have any hope to cling onto anymore, as this was her own doing.

We sat there in silence for half an hour, an officer coming and poking his head around the door every 5 minutes or so to check on us and make sure we were okay. Phoenix slept for that time, soundly in my arms with his head resting in my chest.

We just waited, Dan almost falling asleep on me a few times but every time he jolted himself awake with a new round of tears and sniffling. I kept trying to comfort him but as I was on the verge of tears myself, sometimes crying silently, so it wasn't very effective.

"Phil?" I glanced over at him, with tear stained eyes.

"Yeah?"

"What do we do? If Jay isn't here anymore?" I paused, looking down at her little boy in my arms.

"We give her what she asked for. We give her little boy the best life we possibly can."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I heard panting and running footsteps down the hall before the door was pushed open rather violently and an officer poked his head around the corner. His face was flushed and he looked at little panicked, as if he just run from somewhere quite a distance away.

He looked me right in the eyes.

"We've found her. It's not looking good."

"What do you mean it's not looking good?" I demanded, my arms wrapped so tightly around Phoenix that he woke up and he started wailing. The officer shook his head in despair.

"Well... I mean they've found her, she must have jumped off a bridge somewhere because all they've said is that she was in a river and her heart wasn't beating." My heart dropped from my stomach, where it had been sitting from earlier, down into my feet.

"So she's dead?" My voice was faint, I could hardly force the words out.

To my relief, he shook his head.

"No. They got her heart started but it's not doing well, she's in critical condition and was airlifted to the hospital a few minutes ago. She was under the water for at least 5 minutes, I think someone saw her jump and dived in to save her, I have no idea how they would have known she was there otherwise."

In my heart I silently prayed thanks to whoever had seen her and, hopefully, had saved her life. My eyes connected with Dan's.

"Please Jay, just keep going."