UNSCRIPTED ✰ COLIFER ✅

Chapter 44 ✰ The Ugly Truth

Jen's pov

The feeling of being curled up in his arms with our fingers intertwined and the soft feel of his breath in my neck can never be put into words. I can, however, tell you that it is where I belong and it's in his arms that I feel at home. My home is where Colin is.

While Colin was still in bed, I cleaned up the house. Yesterday he came home late from a shooting day for one of his new films. Where I had taken a step back in order to catch my breath, he just took steps forward, working even harder than he already did. Sometimes I was afraid it would all be too much for him. Acting is his passion and he is so damn good at it, but during the last few days he seemed more tired than ever. In fact, he was exhausted and I was worried about him.

I opened a drawer and noticed a pile of paper that needed to be sorted out. My eye fell on a rumpled letter and I immediately recognized the handwriting. My jaw slightly dropped and I lowered myself to a chair. I unfolded the paper and began to read.

'Dear Jennifer,

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror. I'm okay. I finally have a plan and a solution for my problems. Killing myself is the only way and I'm going to do it tonight. What I did to you was wrong. So damn wrong and I can't forgive myself about it. I thought I was better, but I'm not. I tried to get stable. You helped me to get stable for a while, but the fact is that I'm not stable at all. I never was.

Seeing someone slowly lose interest in you is probably one of the worst feelings ever. I know it hurts and that you're reading this now trying to figure things out. You didn't want to give up but sometimes you just have to. I don't blame you for anything, but I need you to know that you deserve more than he's willing to provide.

Sometimes you've got to run away to see who will run after you. Sometimes you've got to talk quieter to see who's really listening. Sometimes you've got to step up to fight, only to see who's standing by your side. Sometimes you've got to make the wrong decision, only to see who's there to help you fix it. Sometimes you got to let go of the one you love, just to see if they love you enough to come back to you. Promise me that you won't settle for less. All I want for you is to be happy.

Maybe one day we'll find that place where you and I could be together. We'll catch our dreams within the waves of change. Smile for me, just one last time, and believe that we'll ever meet again. Until then, I'll be missing you.

I love you.

- Aiden'

Tears rolled down my cheeks. This was Aiden's farewell letter. I always wondered why. Why did he not want to live anymore? Was it the rejection or was there more that I knew nothing about? I didn't know why all this time. Everything was based on suspicions, but I had no certainty and that killed me from the inside. Now I knew for sure. There was more in his life than I knew about. I thought I knew him, but he turned out to be a stranger to me.

The tears kept coming. I cried for Aiden. Of sadness, but also of relief. Relief because I finally knew why he did it. He had mental problems. Not that it makes it less worse. It remains terrible.

'What is going on?' Colin asked still sleepily

I couldn't look at him. He had lied to me. The man I gave up everything for and that meant the world to me had lied to me. It wasn't the first time someone had lied to me, but that he was the one who did it, tore me apart.

'You've lied to me' I sobbed

'Please let me explain'

'There is nothing to explain'

'Jen, please'

'What do you want to explain, Colin? That you kept the farewell letter hidden from me? That you've lied to me?' I shouted

'Please, calm down'

'Calm down?' I snorted. 'How could you do this to me?'

'I didn't lie, Jen. I kept the letter hidden to protect you' he said calmly

'You lied when you said there was no letter.'

'Jen...'

'You made a vow, Colin! A damn vow!' I shouted. 'You said you would never lie and never mess with my heart...' my voice broke

There was a silence between us.

'And... you did both' I sobbed

'Jennifer, I'm so sorry'

He never said my entire name. 'Sometimes sorry is not enough'

'If I could turn back time, I would never have done it. I'm really sorry' he said, taking my hands. I noticed that he was trying to control his tears.

'Don't be sorry. I was the one who trusted you. My mistake, not yours'

My words hit him like a sledgehammer. 'You can still trust me...'

I shook my head. 'If you want me to trust you, just be real and honest with me'

'Everything I said was real and honest. Believe me'

'I can't, Colin' I said, taking my hands out of his. I put the letter in my pocket and left Colin there alone. I needed time. Time to think about what I wanted in life. Time to process everything. Time to grieve my broken heart.

♥♥♥

A/N: Sorry guys, the perfect couple can't always have a perfect love story... 😔 Will she forgive him or hate him forever?

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