UNSCRIPTED ✰ COLIFER ✅

Chapter 49 ✰ This Empty World

Colin's pov

You need to understand that I'm damaged. I get triggered easily. I have struggled with things. There are nights when I'm curled up on a ball on the floor and I won't talk to anyone. I will shut you out. I'll have trust issues for a while, because everyone has always left, cheated or chosen someone else. I will need reassurance. I will need you. I will need you to keep choosing me. Before you think I'm always happy, that I will always be positive, that I will always be smiling - know the reality before you get too involved. I'm an overthinker, an introvert. I keep my feelings on the inside, because that's the safest place to hide.

It didn't happen often that we had a short break. Of course we had weekends and free time around Christmas and in the summer, but otherwise a day off was almost impossible.

We decided to leave for a week. Just being away from all the daily chaos and the unpleasant events of last weeks. We immediately made it a useful trip to find out things for our wedding. We hadn't planned a date yet, but Jennifer couldn't wait to arrange things. Our parents were very enthusiastic and very happy for us. Only my brother Allen thought that we were going too fast. Maybe he was right, but I knew Jennifer for years. If it feels good, it's okay, right?

'Now you can finally see it!' she exclaimed enthusiastically as she put the key in the front door. She always talked about her apartment in New York, but I had never been there. I traveled through the United States for conventions, but never had the chance to discover everything. I was used to Europe and couldn't get used to the American culture.

Her apartment was beautiful. Jennifer once told me that she wanted to be an interior stylist and I could clearly see why. She was good at it. In contrast to my messy but homely house, this looked perfect. 'It's beautiful, Jen'

She grinned. 'I know you don't like interiors from magazines, but this is not bad, right?'

I nodded as I walked to the window and stared out. She had a beautiful view of the city, while the traffic rushed underneath us. She wrapped her arms around my waist from behind. 'I know you like peace and quiet, but believe me when I say you get used to this'

I only now realized what a career this woman already had behind her at a relatively young age. I was onlytwo years younger, but I was just at the beginning of my career. Jennifer had been successful for years and that had clearly paid off. Money was never a problem and she got offered job after job. Not that I'm jealous, I admire it.

'Are you going to tell me what's wrong?' she asked irritably

'It's just because of the travelling, that's all' I lied

'You never have troubles with travel unless we go to Europe'

She knew me too well. How could I forget that.

'To be honest, I don't know what's wrong, Jen'

'How can you not know that?'

I sighed as I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall. I buried my face in my hands.

'Colin?' she asked worriedly

'Do you know that feeling when you're not necessarily sad, but you just feel really empty?'

She shook her head. 'No, but tell me about it'. She sat next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. Such an extrovert person as Jennifer would never understand how I, an introvert, feel right now.

'It's like having no emotion at all'

'But you always have emotions'

I sighed as I rolled my eyes. 'I meant that I'm not feeling happy nor sad'

'Aren't you happy with me?' she asked disappointed

I caressed her cheek with my fingers. 'Of course I am. It's just... since I've told you about what happens to my ex-girlfriend, it suddenly feels very real. I have hidden it for years, but it's the real pain I feel now'

I laid my head on her shoulder and she rested her head against mine. She curled her fingers through my hair. 'Why do you never talk about your feelings? You can tell me anything'

'I don't want to bother you'

'Colin Arthur Geoffrey O'Donoghue!'

I grinned. 'Since when do you use my entire name?'

She took my hands in hers. 'You can bother me anytime, idiot. I don't want you to suffer on your own. When it seems like there is no one left to run to in this empty world, you can always come to me.'

♥♥♥

A/N: I had my first day of school last tuesday and it's going to be though. Next week is my first full week, so I really don't know how much I'm able to update. By the way, a new story will be online soon. It's about Hook's untold story, so stay tuned if you're interested!

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