Devil Incarnate • Jikook

Guilt And Regret

Author's POV:

The troubled male tried to ignore his chaotic mind, instead thinking over his actions. He pondered over the 'what ifs’— what if he never met Jimin? His life would be as usual, handling mafia, getting high, fucking someone and passing out to repeat the same while trying his best to ignore his inner battles.

What if Jimin had said yes to going on a date? Would he ever be able to have a civil date with Jimin? Although Jungkook has never gone on a date nor dated anyone, he had thoughtlessly acted on impulse by asking for a date. Unfortunately Jimin refused it, setting off a chain reaction which has turned his life upside down, the consequences of which are haunting Jimin till this moment.

What if he didn't kill his Eomma and brother? Jungkook knew for a fact that killing them would be disastrous, that's why he first killed the least important ones in Jimin's life. But in the heat of the moment, when Jungkook was fuming in pure anger he killed not only his mother but also his brother. Jungkook found himself facing lethargic pain whenever their faces crossed his mind, making him feel this new emotion he recognized as guilt and regret.

And it sure was an extremely shitty feeling.

He immediately shook off the feeling and looked down to the literal Angel in his arms. He looked like a wrecked Angel though. The doctor was indeed right, his baby had lost significant amount of weight and had dark circles under his eyes, which were now visible as he cried his makeup off.

Jungkook caressed his tear stained cheek ever so softly, admiring his face up close. Another jolt of regret shot through his heart. Jungkook then did what he never even dreamt of doing— think of the consequences of his actions.

He put himself in Jimin's place and imagined how much he had to go through due to his selfish acts. How much the smaller lost due to him. How much he actually gave himself to Jungkook and in return Jungkook took away the most important people in his life.

His rational mind was quick to remind him that Jimin deserved it for betraying his trust. Now you might think Jungkook would agree to his rational mind but this time he didn't. He remembered Jimin wanting to say something before he punched him square in the face, his eyes looking pleading, with pain and regret swirling in them. His face was fresh in his mind so he could decipher all Jimin felt in that moment, but since he was extremely pissed that time he ignored his pleas.

One of the emotions swirling in his beautiful hazel orbs was fear.

Jungkook never intended for Jimin to fear him, he only threatens him to keep him in line, to not have him betray him. Like that time when he threatened to cut of his finger, he obviously didn't mean it. The idea of he himself cutting into his baby's soft chubby fingers made him sick. He'd never do it.

He had this feeling surging through him which was so powerful that it was making him restless. That feeling was protecting Jimin at all costs, but since the danger in Jimin's life was he himself, he couldn't protect him. That in turn made him hate himself, even more than he already does.

“I'm so sorry Jimin, I wish it could be all different between us…” Jungkook whispered looking at his still asleep husband.

Jungkook's mind then started daydreaming of scenarios where Jimin would willingly smile at him, laugh in his company, be happy with him, and love him.

LOVE.

Jungkook chuckled at his thought.

He has no idea what love is, all he knows is it's a powerful feeling. That it can either make you or break you. He was doubting his feelings towards Jimin. At first he knew for sure it's obsession and possessiveness. Then Jimin started affecting him to the point where it hurt him if Jimin was hurting. That made him realize what Jimin has done to him.