When All is Lost One is Found

Chapter 70: Dueling with Truth

When All is Lost, One is Found

Author: Rinoaebastel

Chapter 70: Dueling with Truth

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and gain no profit from this fanfiction other than writing practice. JK Rowling owns Harry Potter.

AN: This story may contain scenes taken from the Harry Potter movies and books, but it's not exact dialogue, just rewording of dialogue or omission. It is not marked.

As predicted, he hadn't been able to sleep. He flipped over on his back and rubbed his eyes, cringing when he lifted his arm. He was sore from being in the same position for hours. He'd been so deep in thought about the situation with Granger that he'd given no mind to the way he "rested".

He would have to accept that he felt strong sentiments for the witch. He hadn't thought of her as anything more than a student before, he wasn't a warped pervert, then he developed a friendship with her as she aged, and now . . . this. This attraction to her wasn't illegal or immoral, but he thought himself incapable of feeling this way. The feelings he felt towards Granger was nothing like he'd felt for Lily. Not even close to it.

This was insanity and he couldn't stop it. He'd just locked himself in his bedroom until she woke up and left. If he were lucky, she would just leave and not care that he was back.

But he knew that wouldn't happen. She would make things difficult. He knew that deep down he didn't want that to happen either.

He tensed at the soft knock on his door. He didn't move and waited to hear something more. Even slowing his breathing so he could hear better.

The image of the young witch hesitating with worry at his door yanked at his heart, but he refused to allow himself to give in. The witch had made herself a place in his heart with her kindness and acceptance, and he needed time to deal with that. To be satisfied with only that. He wasn't going to be a fool and let his treacherous heart hurt her.

He heard steps fading away from his door. Slow, quiet, hesitating.

A small piece of his heart cracked with each footfall, but he was still glad she hadn't entered.

He sat up and waited a few minutes to make sure she wasn't waiting outside.

It wasn't fear of her that kept him from seeing her. He was scared of the feelings she created in him. He hadn't been truly terrified since the night he'd betrayed the most powerful dark wizard to save a woman he'd thought he. . .

Thought? No, he had loved her. Just not in the way he...

He banished that from his mind and forced himself from the bed. Those kinds of sentiments weren't proper for him. He still didn't know love. He never would. . .

Love wasn't wanting to smile at Granger's babbling was it? It wasn't enjoying her intelligent questions, or looking forward to sharing his silent moments with her.

It wasn't that if he had to face down the Dark Lord to protect her, he'd do it without hesitating.

But the need for that wouldn't happen. He would make sure no one ever knew that he felt more for the witch than he should.

But it was purely platonic.

Yeah, and someday you might believe your own folderol.