When All is Lost One is Found

Chapter 83: Another of Many: Pt 2

When All is Lost, One is Found

Author: Rinoaebastel

Chapter 83: Another of Many: Pt 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and gain no profit from this fanfiction other than writing practice. JK Rowling owns Harry Potter.

AN: This story may contain scenes taken from the Harry Potter movies and books, but it's not exact dialogue, just rewording of dialogue or omission. It is not marked.

He waited with baited breath as she focused on the pensieve. She was finally learning about what Dumbledore was forcing him to become. All within a short time, she would find out how her friend was going to die even after all the trouble they'd gone through and all the future trouble they would undergo.

He took a few steps back and leaned against the table, pondering what her reaction would be. He was prepared for anger and tears and yelling.

Granger shifted and then lifted her head. She looked straight ahead, her eyes wide. He could see a slight shake in her body. Her hands were still gripping the pensieve.

He gave her a few minutes to process what she'd seen, then instead of waiting for her to talk or react, he spoke, "Now you know what is expected of me, and what you need to say to Potter if I fail." He made sure his voice was as steady as it could be, but he almost faltered in the last few words.

"I..."

"Leave now, Miss Granger. I trust your curiosity about my situation is fully sated."

She let her hands drop away from the pensieve and looked at him. The shock faded and her face formed another expression. Not hate, not shock, but sheer determination plastered itself on her features.

"Don't think for a second I'm going to leave you alone when you have to go through something like that. What he asked of you is completely... it's ridu... It's not fair!"

"As you have learned, life is never fair, Miss Granger."

"I... I'll help you." Her voice grew angrier the more she spoke. He was tempted to step closer to her, but knew it wasn't wise. The temptation to take the offer she gave was strong, but he would not do it. He couldn't make her an accomplice any more than what he already had.

"No. The way things are now is for the best."

"That's a lie and you know it." The witch took the steps he hadn't allowed himself to take, removing the distance between them. "I want to stay with you. I care about you. Don't be stupid and admit that you've known how I've felt since the Amortentia!"

He hadn't wanted to feel pleased to have his suspicion confirmed, but he was. He was amazed that she could feel that strongly for him despite knowing what kind of man he was. There was a time where he was a better person, before the Dark Lord, but no one loved him back then.

And because of the way this brilliant witch felt, he realized even more that he couldn't let it grow into anything further. Not even if his desires screamed at him to reciprocate the feelings.

The fact that he wouldn't do so confirmed that he cared just as much. He didn't want her to end up even more miserable. He could think of nothing worse than knowing of her misery before his death.

"Were you only using me?" Her uneasy voice, softer and nearer, made him look at her.

"I'm not a manipulator," he snapped, almost feeling insulted that she would ask something like that, but not blaming her for questioning it.

"We both know you are a master with words. Maybe you are like the headmaster."

He growled. "Do not ever compare me with him. I don't want to throw you into the middle of a war knowing nothing and only using riddles as a guide. I did not spend all this time training you to do something so stupid." He moved to face her, his eyes narrowed. "That fool and most of your other precious professors dismissed your depression as something you'd get over. Then when they saw you weren't, you want to know what they did?"

"Ye...Yes."

"They said you all had to solve it on your own. They ignored it. I was worried about you and pulled you out of your misery. Taught you dueling and spells so you'd have a fighting chance. Would I waste my bloody time if I wanted to manipulate you?"

"No, no of course not," she said in a soft whisper. Her body slouched. "I'm sorry."

"Never compare me with Dumbledore again. I told you I trusted you. I do admit that I didn't want to be alone, but I didn't want you to be alone either. I know what that's like all too well."

The words he spoke came before he could pause to think them through.

Her brown eyes met his, and with slow movements, her hands moved to rest on his chest, caressing his clothes and tempting him to wrap his arms around her. He wanted to let go of all his rational thoughts and just relax. He wanted to let this young witch do what she wanted and damn Potter and Albus to hell.

But that meant risking her life, because if he did that, there was a good chance the Dark Lord would win. She was a muggleborn and if the Dark Lord won, she would be tortured and killed. He could carry the burden of anyone else, but this young witch grew so precious in his heart that he wouldn't' be able to live with her life on his conscience.

"Severus..." Her whisper sent a shiver through him.

"It's Professor Snape."

"Don't do that..." He hated how much her tone of voice affected him. He didn't want to reject her support and warmth, but he knew he had to.

He took a step away. The hands resting on his chest dropped to her sides.

"You've mastered Occlumency and have learned as much as you can of the Dark Arts. You have your friends back, and your work with me is done." He almost took back his words when he saw her lips tremble.

"No!" She replied stubbornly. "I'm not going to let you do this! You're deliberately pushing me away."

She was admirable, but that didn't take away his ability to be cruel.

"Go away. I made myself clear, Miss Granger. Don't come back." His voice turned into a growl.

He closed his eyes when he heard a muffled cry. But he wasn't sure if it was of anger or caused by her heart breaking. It was better that it happened now rather than later.

She was a wonderful woman with a remarkable intelligence. She would be fine.

His office door opened and then slammed shut, his bottles rattling as much as they had when he'd slammed the door earlier.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. Taking his wand, he prepared to clean the room. When he looked at the floor, he paused as he spotted one of the books he'd knocked off his desk. It was his old advanced potions book. The pages were much more frayed than when he owned it, but the yellow tint was familiar. He knew within it that he'd see his old scribbling.

His body tensed and he felt a pain in his chest along with some tightness.

He realized that he'd made a terrible mistake.

Another of many.

AN: What can I say about this chapter? Too much information, too much intensity... And Severus couldn't handle it...? For the doubts, yes, Hermione gave his book back. So hope you liked it and let me know what you think. See you on 30th!