Touch Therapist | Jikook/Kookmin [UNDER REVISION]

CHAPTER 34

Jungkook POV.

I suddenly found myself lying next to Jimin hyung. We were laying face to face, breathing into each other... I thought I wasn't going to be able to breath. It was too sudden and too close. He wasn't really touching me or anything but just the thought that he was that close made my stomach feel wobbly. My bed was my safest place... And now that there was where I felt the most anxious ever made me feel like I had lost my safe spot, my comfort zone.

- Kookie?

Jimin hyung spoke from next to me. Too close. Way too close. My heart is racing against my chest. I don't think I'll be able to do it. I wanna run away so bad right now. It's the first time in long that I wanna run away from Jimin hyung's closure. It's just... suffocating me... My thoughts are suffocating me, my body is going against me...

- Jungkookie?

Jimin hyung spoke a little louder this time, distracting me.

- Y-Y-Y... -I couldn't complete. It didn't come out. It made me panic even more.

- Jungkookie look at me. -His tone went from innocent to firm. It was dark but the reflecting light made his face a little visible. I tried to look at him while breathing in and out quickly. I probably look so terrified. -Jungkookie, tell me how you are feeling right now.

- I-I-I... -I can't speak! I can't bring words! What is happening to me! Am I going to have an anxiety attack! No! It can't happen! My eyes got blurry first and suddenly tears started coming out, and I started crying and shaking at the same time. I'm fucking up everything! I hate myself! Why do I-

- Jungkookie, can you hear me? -Jimin hyung spoke again, this time with a little panic in his voice. Trying to stay put but still shaking and crying silently, I nodded my head in urgency. -Jungkookie, stay with my voice okay? -I nodded again, but it didn't help.

And then I felt his hand on my cheek. He caressed it, he caressed the tears, he caressed the fire that my skin flashed, he caressed the sweat that dripped from panic and fear...

- Jungkookie, I want you to close your eyes and just focus on my hand. Can you do that? -It was unexpected. My body had stopped reacting crazily because of the sudden action that he had taken, trying to figure out what had just happened. -Close your eyes and focus on my hand, come on.

I was able to swallow for the first time since my anxiety started kicking in and I shut my eyes hard. I tried to only listen to his voice and follow the movement of his hand as if I drew a picture in my sight as I did that.

His hand gently stroked my skin. Just simple, slow and tender strokes... Nothing racy, nothing exaggerated. Just simple, comforting, calming, strokes...

- We are going to breath in in the count of three. -He spoke, as I got myself ready to do that. -One, two three. Great... Breath out... One, two, three... Breath in, a little slower now. One, two, three, four...

We breathed slower and slower with each count, and my heart... It wasn't beating that fast anymore... It was slower now...

- Loosen up your eyes Jungkookie. Loosen your body, loosen your shoulders, your hips, your feet, your fingers, your jaw...

I followed his direction and tried to let the places he mentioned one by one loosen up...

- Now let's try emptying your mind, okay? Remove all the thoughts. Shut them off, and just focus on my voice. Can you do that?

- Y-Yes... -I had finally been able to speak! That sent a big wave of relief throughout my body. And I tried... I tried to really erase everything and pretend my mind was a computer machine that I could shut off. I put all my effort into his voice, into his words...