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Lost Letters

Summary:
In which a broken girl writes letters to her dearly departed girlfriend.

Dear Jade,

I know that you're long gone, six feet under the ground, but I don't feel like you're gone. You might be gone physically, but mentally, you're still standing right by my side, like you always promised you would be. I miss you so, so much, but I'm doing alright. I love you. Without you here, my eyes are duller and my smile isn't as bright, but I'm holding on, because that's what you would want. It killed me on the inside and on the outside to watch them lower your casket into the ground.

It never really dawned on me until then that I'd never see your smile again, hear your laugh, feel your body beside mine in the dead of night. I'd never hear your comforting words, feel your lips on mine, your hand in mine. I'd never hear your voice, fake a laugh at your lame jokes, or have someone who seemingly understands me more than I understand myself.

Losing you was like losing a part of my soul, a part of my heart. You were, in every sense of the metaphor, my other half. I feel like I've lost the light at the end of my tunnel, the rainbow after my seemingly endless rain. I'm so lost without your presence, but I have to learn to get through it. You'll get my letters often, hopefully, and I'll keep you updated on everyone.

We're all in shambles. Everyone is lost in a mucky swamp of depression. You were the one that held us together, the one that kept us strong, through everything that happened in Little Mix. We had to break up the group yesterday. We couldn't keep it together knowing that it wouldn't be the same. The fans were devastated, and it was hurting us to think about doing the Get Weird Tour without our little ray of sunshine. As much as I was against breaking up the group, I knew that it wouldn't hold up if we didn't.

I know that wasn't what you wanted, but we wouldn't have been able to give it our all without you. We tried learning the choreography, we did, but without you to help us, we just couldn't get it. I couldn't sing my part in The End with out breaking into tears. Same goes for the rest of the ballads. Performing just wouldn't be the same without you. I know you might not agree with our reasons, but they are all fully justified.

But nevertheless, I love you, wholly, with all of my heart. There's an undeniable difference in the way that I act now, because there's a hole in my heart. One that can't—won't ever be filled. That part, as large as it is, belonged solely to you. You are the only person to captivate me so much that I was continuously hypnotized by you, every waking moment of the day. You hold the key to my heart, and the missing part of it that left me when you did. You were my only reason, my will to live. But for your sake, I will pull through this.

I love you. I miss you. I'll see you soon enough.

This isn't goodbye.

Your love, Perrie.

•••

Perrie gazed longingly at the grave in front of her, unable to hold back tears as she sat the letter before it. She couldn't bear being there much longer, and left after uttering a few sentences.

"When you left, you took my heart, my whole world with you. These are things I'll never get back. But maybe this is how it was meant to be."

•••

Dear Jade,

It feels like it's been so long since I last wrote. The thought completely slipped my mind. The devastation of your passing is still very evident. If I was to compare it to a wound, it would still be fresh, oozing blood. The pain I suffer hasn't worsened, but it hasn't gotten better either. I've just become used to the feeling of drowning in darkness, in despair. The feeling is everlasting, and it won't die down anytime soon.