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Songs About Perrie

Summary: Jade's iCloud gets hacked and a folder called "songs about Perrie" is leaked with songs that are well, about Perrie.

Jade must be dreaming.

It's the only explanation she could think of for what she's looking at. Her heart is pounding against her chest and it's ringing loudly in her ears. She can vaguely register her mam rubbing soothing circles on her back as she continues to stare at her computer for what feels like hours now, eyes unblinking and body incredibly tense.

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Jade continues to stare in shock, her mind racing about the different ways this could have happened. Did she accidentally move this file out of her locked folder? There's no way she could have – She snaps out of her own frantic musings when she hears Stacey's voice float above the chaos going on around her. Her iCloud has been hacked apparently and Jade cringes at her mistake. She knew she should have just saved it on a flash drive, wrote it down on paper, fucking used a quill and a scroll if she had to – anything to keep it safe from the grips of the internet.

It's too late now though. It's out there. The one thing she'd kept a secret in the last few months – the one thing that she'd done solely for herself, to help her move on. She figured that if she could let out all of her feelings, every single one that pertains to Perrie that has weighed heavily on her heart in the last five years, in a song or two, she'd be able to move past it. If she could just get these feelings out – she'd be okay.

She never meant for anybody to see it. It was just for her.

Jade can still hear her LA household enveloped in a mess of damage control and PR solutions behind her. Stacey yelling out incoherencies at her phone -  something about denying it – but when she hears her mother hesitantly answer that there are videos too, she feels her heart stop. She's sure it actually stops for a moment because this cannot be actually fucking happening. How had she been so careless? There's a silence that settles over them while Stacey registers what Norma had just said before he's yelling expletives into her phone again.

And the chaos resumes.

With trembling hands and tears clouding her eyes, she clicks on the top trending topic. The top tweet is by TMZ, the headline reading: Jade Thirlwall secret romance with ex-bandmate, Perrie Edwards exposed! Click on the links for details.

There are various similar headlines from Pop Crave, Billboard, MTV, and just about any music news site. The brunette goes through all the links, finally letting out a soft sob when she sees video stills of herself – sat on her bed with music sheets all around her, a guitar perched on her lap as she sings the songs she'd never meant for the world to hear.

There are only five songs in the file. She wrote four of them while still in the band when she felt particularly overwhelmed by her feelings for the blue-eyed girl. The last one, she'd written in the following months after she had left, when she was the loneliest she's ever felt – having just lost not only the love of her life, but her best friends too.

She recorded herself singing all five songs as a way to get it all out. She never even thought about sending any of the songs to be put on her album – she thinks they're too raw – that one listen and one look at her if she ever has to perform it live, everyone would know right away. She would know instantly. They'd know who the songs are about and they'd get a look into her soul – see how her stubborn heart continues to beat for no one else but the girl she'd met at X-factor so many years ago. People would see right through her heart and she wasn't ready for that. She doesn't think she ever will be.