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Madhouse

Her insurance had run out, what a stupid reason. Insurance. Jade Thirlwall was mentally ill, there was no doubt about it.

I guess it's funny to think that a worldwide girl group member could mentally deteriorate in such little time. Inevitably, it had to be one of them, constant performances, breaches in private life, no breaks, the hate... Oh my, the hate.

Looking from the outside in you'd assume Jade Thirlwall to have the perfect life. She had money; fame; friends and a boyfriend that would supposedly do anything for her. But that's just the problem, as people, we look from the outside in - when, in reality we should be looking from the inside out. Maybe then we would have noticed the longing looks, maybe then we would have noticed the lack of speech, maybe then we could've stopped the deterioration if we had just shown empathy.

Empathy.

A funny concept, we all claim to have it. We all claim to use it. But, at the end of the day how empathetic are we really? Does anyone actually care? Or are we all alone? Maybe she figured that out, maybe she had the answers...

No matter what the real answer was one thing was clear...

Jade was sick.

And she needed help.

March 13th 2018

Jade was broken.

Ring after ring came through the metallic device in her left hand, and ring after ring was left unanswered, she sat in the corner of the dark bedroom she had become oh so accustomed to. She hadn't left the house in a week, and she wasn't planning on leaving anytime either, the constant eyes watching her every move like a cheetah observing its prey, the lenses pointed in her direction, the judgmental hands that take the photos and the judgmental fingers that type the comments.

The beasts behind the computer screen.

The enablers behind the cameras.

Jade knew it was her fault. After all, she auditioned for the x factor - nobody forced her. She had to though, it was her dream.

How was she supposed to know it would end up being her nightmare?

She had fallen into a trap, and there was no way out. She was helplessly struggling to get free but everyone was too caught up in their own lives to notice.

March 20th 2018

Agoraphobia.

Jade knew she wasn't agoraphobic. There's a difference between not leaving the house and being afraid to leave the house. She wasn't afraid - well - not of the outside world. She was afraid of the people in it.

She had let them indoctrinate her with their propaganda and their hate.

She let them indoctrinate her with their beliefs and opinions.

She let them twist her thoughts against herself.

She let them enable her to hurt herself.

Jade was falling and nobody was there to catch her. The carefully placed scars running up and down her arms and thighs, the lack of energy caused by the lack of nutrients entering her body, the dull and lifeless look of her face and skin due to deficiency of vitamin D. Jade was killing herself slowly and she knew it. She hated it, but she loved it. She was a living contradiction.

May 7th 2018

Her phone beeped.

Playing the melody that indicates to her that she has a message. She looked at the screen that she had just cracked due to throwing the object in frustration at the dark brown carpet that covered the floor boards underneath.