Can I stay? (Gerard Way x Reader)

I Love You (51)

A/N - Hey guys, I just wanted to say I am feeling a bit better today and I am going to keep writing hopefully more regularly again. You are all so lovely and the comments on my last little AN were really nice. Thank you all for being amazig and reading this far! Remember that I am here for you all and I like you all a lot. You can talk to me if you ever need it and I hope you enjoy this chapter xx

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However hard I try I can't stop crying and my brain is fuzzy at this point. I still feel like shit and my head is still telling me how useless I am. Honestly I just want it all to stop. 

I start to close my eyes when I hear someone running upstairs and before I know it Mikey is sprinting into the room. He looks a mess but as soon as he sees me he comes down to my level and gives me the most desperate hug.

"Thank god" he says gripping onto my arms as if they were going to fall off. I don't notice at first but he is crying too and as he backs off. He scans the room and sees all the pills on the floor and his mouth hangs shocked.

"Y/N what did you do, don't tell me you.." his scentence trailed off and Frank gives him a pinch before he can go any further.

"Look Gerard is super upset but he didn't do anything. He ran into the forest and just sat down and cried for a bit. He's okay honestly and Ray is still with him" Mikey says looking at me with a slight glimmer of hope. 

I lean my head against the wall and close my eyes allowing myself to breathe properly for the first time.  I open my eyes and a small bundle of fur is standing on my lap and trying to get up and lick my face. Maybe there is still hope.

-------------------------time skip brought to you by Geesus -----------------------------------

I'm sitting on the couch between Mikey and Frank nibbling on a grilled cheese. I feel fine now just a bit weak from crying so much. It's kind of strange when you cry because you feel so empty afterwards but in a good way. Like there is no negativity left, sure there's no positives left either but negative is gone. You're just neutral waiting for the next thing to happen.

Although I don't feel completely neutral because I still have a tiny bit of anger towards Gerard. I don't want to be mad at him I really don't but my heart keeps reminding me of how he broke our promise and it's hard to ignore that.

The TV is on in front of us but it isn't too loud and it's actually quite fun to watch. MTV rocks is playing a selection of random songs but Frank and Mikey just keep talking about the artist. For example they were talking about that time they met Bryan May when a queen song came on, and they had a whole conversation about green day. It was kind of awesome.

I'm just sitting listening to Frank tell a story about how he kicked got injured really bad onstage once when the door thumps open. I can feel myself freezing and I don't even have to turn around. Mikey gives my hand a squeeze and gets up off the sofa. 

I force myself to turn around because most of me wants to forgive him, but I can't help but feel afraid. Gerard is standing there with Ray but he looks bad, and that is difficult to say. He is standing very limply and he looks so pale and dead. His eyes are all red and puffy and his hands won't stop shaking.

Ray and Mikey are talking quietly so I won't hear, but I still can. Gerard hasn't moved since he walked a few paces into the room and he is listening to everything they are saying. 

"Frank sent a text to say it was bad so we came over as fast as we could. Problem is we were quite far into the forest" R

"It was pretty bad but she's alive after a lot of tears" M

"God I was so worried, I didn't think it would go this bad" R

They continue talking for a while and I can feel my heart hammering in my chest and I am trying to keep deep breaths so I don't freak out again. I squeeze my eyes shut and when I open them Frank is looking at me. I jump a little from the shock but he whisperes that everything is gonna be okay and I realise he is still in comfort mode. 

They stop talking and Ray and Mikey head into another room to make drinks for everybody so we can all chill and hang out again as normal friends. Frank stands up and drags me up too and we walk over to where Gerard is standing. Frank coughs to get his attention and then moves over to the side of the room to give us a little peace.

For what felt like hors but was only really a few seconds we just stood there watching each other. I was trying to figure out in my head what he could be feeling but I couldn't read the emotion on his face. I expect he's probably angry and doesn't really want to speak to me. 

To me surprise he runs at me and hugs me with his big bear arms and I can feel tears prickle at me eyes again. This is how it should be, this is where I belong. In Gee's arms feeling like the world isnt going to end at any moment. I want to feel like this forever.

He is whispering in my ear " Thank god, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to hurt you" and things like that. I can feel myself smiling again. 

I whisper back "You look like shit you know" smirking to myself.

He just responds with "I know" and I feel okay. I actually feel okay.