Can I stay? (Gerard Way x Reader)

Jealous(76)

Frank slowly egdes me in and Ray stands beside me for mental support. Mikey is nowhere to be seen. I sit on the corner of the couch while Gee perches on a barstool in the other side of the room. The air is thick and everyone can feel it even Ray who stands awkwardly by the door. This isn't pleasant for anyone and it makes me feel so guilty.

I can feel my chest and face going warm and my eyes go wet. This is all my fault, I caused the scene last night. This issue is around me and god why am I so awful? I don't know wether it's because I'm tired or desperate or lonley but I burst into tears and stand up.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry" I mumble through tears. Ray comes over to give me a hug but I shrug him off. I need to stand alone now.

"I know I cause a lot of problems, and I know I am a lot to deal with. I don't make the right decisions because I don't have any family to guide me through them. I have nobody except you guys and I don't know what I would do on my own. I'm just so fucking lonely sometimes because you guys all get along so well and I'm the odd one. The one with problems. I.. I" At this point I sit down on the ground and bury my face in my hands. I do not look good while crying. I can hear people walking around but i don't know where they are going or who it is.

I feel a hand on top of mine but when I look up there is nobody there and the room is empty. Maybe I have gone insane, or maybe I am dead and this is a dream of some kind of hellish torture. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around slowly.  The silence is horrible and I feel so awkward it's unreal.

I look up and of course it's the one person I am the most afraid of, Gerard is staring back at me. He looks like he is in so much pain. His eyes are red around the edges and puffy like he's had a meltdown or something. I stood up and walked to the other side of the room so we were on opposite sides. He stands looking empty and lost and trying pulling his jumper sleeves down even though they won't stretch anymore. 

I glance down at the floor tapping my foot lightly on the wooden panels. He takes a deep breathe and starts to speak.

"Y/N, I don't know what to say. I was so drunk and I don't remember a thing. I was using the alcohol so much because over the past few weeks I've been feeling so fucking low.I was pissed off that everybody was helping with your problems but nobody seemed to notice I was suffering right under their noses. I was jealous and although honestly I miss how we used to be." he sighs and scratches the back of his neck lightly. 

"What happened with Mikey" I mumble trying not to sound annoyed because this is the most honest I think Gee has ever been with me.

"He forced me to leave the bar and come home as a responsible brother would do but me being dependant on the alcohol  I was super pissed off. When we got back here Mikey was argiung with me saying how mean I was to you and how it was so unfair and I got so angry I punched him. Not a light punch either a strong punch. He just recoiled and left me alone. I woke up this morning completely blank and when Ray filled me in it was awful" he says. 

His eyes fill with tears but he tries to fight them back. "I..I. All I wanted was somebody to realise how crappy I felt and to realise the pain I'm in" he mumbles with tear dragging down his cheek. He pulls his sleeve down again and I wince this time because I realize why.

I walk over to him and he flinches away from him. His hazel eyes have gone pale brown and his skin looks pale too. I pull up his sleeves and as I expected a little trickle of blook falls onto my hand.

"I thought you promised you would tell me" I say trying to get his eye contact. He doesn't say anything but he turns to look at me. I can see his expression change from upset and angry to desperate and he yanks me in for a hug. His arms squezze my body and he just sobs and sobs. 

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We are all back in the main room now and the tension has dissipated a little. I still don't sit next to Gerard but I am in between Ray and Mikey. The bruise is pretty bad and it's going purple.

Where the fuck do we go from here?