My Brothers

Chapter 10: My Old Friend's Back

E V A N N A

Did I forgive them too easily again? I don't know how I felt. Half of me said that I forgave them too early, but the other half was telling me I forgives them because I was ready to.

After the being discharged from the hospital, my brothers took me out for ice cream. It made me feel better, but I was still a mess of confusion and anger.

I really couldn't decide if I forgave them at the right time. I wanted to forgive them. I was ready to forgive them. But it seemed too fast. After all they've done... maybe I shouldn't have forgiven them that quickly...

But I also get really happy when I'm with them. I had no idea how I felt, and I was constantly a step away from having a mental breakdown.

Once we got home, I went to my room and started on things I missed that Jayden gave me. It took me an hour to finish it, and I was surprised I was motivated enough to do it all.

I plopped down on my bed, resting my head on the pillow. I went on Instagram and scrolled through some pictures.

Wow, look at her. Isn't she stunning?

Yeah, she is.

She's so skinny. Look how flat her stomach is. And her small waist. Isn't it beautiful?

Yeah... it is...

I kept scrolling down until I saw some girl from my school. I've seen her around, and I was always shocked at how skinny she was.

She had literally zero body fat on her, and her arms and legs were just bones. But the thing is, she was born that way. Genetics, basically. She's never had an eating disorder or anything.

I went to her account, looking through her pictures. How was she so skinny? I wish I could be as skinny as her.

You could be. If you cut some calories and exercise a bit more.

That's not happening. I'm not doing that.

I went off of her account and went on YouTube instead. I went to the search bar and searched, 'eating disorders'.

There was a bunch of videos, and I scrolled down some of them. I saw one that said 'anorexia recovery' and so I clicked on it.

I remember using these to trigger my anorexia long time ago... Why was I watching this?

It always starts off happy. The person in the video is smiling and a normal weight. And then things start getting worse. They stop eating, the exercise, and eventually, they get skinnier and skinnier.

I saw how the girl lost almost 20 pounds in a month, and now she was just bones. She I weighed 93 pounds now, the video said.

Don't you want to be like that? How fun would it be to lose that much weight? Do you not miss the feeling of being hungry?

I exited out of the video, but I found myself watching more of these. I turned off my phone after half an hour and sighed. I went inside the bathroom, locking the door.