Sealed With A Kiss | n.s

13 ✧ decisions

i hope you're all doing well xx

Letter recap:

Dear S,

I must say, you really are a very insightful lad. I never really thought about caring what others think in that way. I suppose I've just constantly been so used to trying to avoid those criticism that I block them all out. And ironically, I think that's what's happening to me, ya know? Losing my own worth because I'm so dependent on wanting people's validation. I can't help it though, it just comes naturally to me— wanting other's approval, I mean.

But what you said about becoming the best version of ourselves is true— we're always a work in progress and sometimes that's a tiresome thing to think about, but then again, I think at the end of this... 'progress', everyone's aim is to just be the happiest they can be. And to be honest, I'm stuck because I don't even know what makes me happy.

I mean, I love my job though it's not the best paying, I love music, I have a nice girlfriend, and a wonderful family albeit some tough times. Everything's blissful for me, but I'm just not... fully happy yet? I still feel like there's something missing and maybe it's just me being selfish or greedy since things are going well for me at the moment but I just.. I really don't know. I hope I'm making some sort of sense and not just rambling a whole load of gibberish.

But enough about me, more importantly, I'm glad that you managed to crawl out of that hole when you almost hit rock bottom. I hope I don't sound too straight forward by saying that you're an amazing being. It's hard, you know, to hit your rock bottom and then still soar high. Of course, who am I to judge you and say that you're indeed 'soaring', but you just sound so... wise and thoughtful and well.. deep, basically. Hope I didn't make you feel old or something, haha.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on about all this shit. It's just... there's something about our letters, something about you that makes it so easy to just speak (write) my feelings. Maybe it's because sometimes it's just easier to speak your feelings to a stranger? I hope you don't mind. And maybe call me naive, but somehow I trust that you wouldn't be telling everyone about me and my... 'difficulties' right?

And also, I just want to let you know that if you ever need someone to listen (or well, read) your problems, I'm here.

All the love, H x

*

✧*

His senses are on high alert when he hears the door opening again, and in steps Nurse Cecilia together with a doctor whom he's familiar with too. Dr Ezra Andrews. A young chap, and the lad has had a couple of doubts about him— being too young to be the doctor in charge of his boyfriend. But he has proven himself otherwise.

"Is everything okay?" He asks worriedly as the two doctors make their way over to the bed with clip boards in their hands.

"We're just tallying up some results, yeah? Don't worry too much about it." Dr Andrews explains as he moves over to the IV drip next to the hospital bed. He adjusts some of the tubes, before turning his attention over to the heart monitor that's showing the slow beating of his boyfriend's heart.

The doctor starts writing on the clipboards, with Nurse Cecelia helping him whenever's needed.

He holds his lover's hand in his tightly, thumb stroking the back of his pale hand.

"You're going to be okay, love." He whispers to himself as he presses a loving kiss on the back of his cold hand. "You're okay." He repeats, trying to convince himself more than anything.