I'm now sitting on a small chair with a small round table in the dorm balcony while sipping my espresso that I made my own.
To be here in another two years won't change much. There's no use going back there, to the place where used to be my home. Mom is still there. But I told her that I already accepted my Professor's offer. She also agreed with my decision.
Flashback of last night
"Mom, will you come to my graduation day? You know it's around the corner right?" I finally reached her after my lots unanswered calls. She's now the CEO of her own company. As she's too busy, I understand that.
"Oh Yujin-ah. I'm sorry baby. I'm too busy here. We got an international project from overseas company. But I'll come baby, of course." Her voice sounded like she was in real hurry. I called her at midnight knowing it'll be daytime there in Korea.
But still, I chose the wrong time. She's always busy like in her old days.
"It's okay mom. It's okay if you really can't. Don't think too much about it. You need to focus there." I sincerely calmed her. I don't want her to feel guilty for not coming yet she's fighting for me. She works for us. For our future since the day Dad's gone.
"No baby. I will really try to be there. You're my one and only son. I must come." Mom said with her caring tone. I miss her.
"It's really okay Mom. Anyway, that's not the point I'm calling you now. I actually have something to tell you. And I hope you won't be mad on what I decided."
"What is it baby? Tell me." She sounded worry.
"It's not a bad thing actually. I made a decision to stay here for another two years mom."
"But why? Is it because of Won---"
"Mom.... Please... Don't start. It's not because of her. I got a great offer. It's a fully-funded research." I cut her before she finish her sentence. I knew who was she meant about. I don't want to talk about that name yet.
"Ohhh... Sorry baby... I didn't mean to. I'm glad you accepted the offer anyway. I'm so proud of you. Your dad too. I mean....."
"It's okay mom. No need to be. Don't mind about me here. I'll come back there once I finish with everything. I promise." I tried to sound more 'okay' to mom. She has lot of thing to think about and I'll cut me out.
"It's really okay my baby. I understand. Just take your time there. No need to rush thing. And...."
"Yujin-ah, you don't need to hide anything from me. I know everything about you. Your feeling, your heart, your mind. You're my son. I never visit her but she's okay here as what I heard, and she's....."
"Mom, I'll sleep now. It's midnight here. Take care of yourself there. Don't work too much mom. Watch your health too. And take your meal on time. Gotta go! Love you mom!" I quickly cut the line. It's not that I'm running or what. I'm just not ready yet. To hear anything about her. Though I eagerly want to. I'm dying to know about her now. But I have to mend with my own heart first.
End of Flashback
I have two years. Before I could get to see her again. She's all I think about every morning when I wake up and every night before I sleep. I never stop. My mind, my heart. They never stop.
But is that important? Going back there won't change anything. I'll just hurt myself more. Maybe I'll hurt her too. Does she even remember me? I guess she's being healed with the love of her life now.
But I can't deny that there's part of me wanting to see her again, badly. Even nothing will change at least It'd heal my yearning for her. Just a little.
*Bbbzzzzzz
*Bbbzzzzzz
*Bbbbzzzzz
The buzz from my phone break my thought.
"Hey babe! Where are you?" A sweet, sexy voice from the other line calm me a little.
"Hey baby. As usual. At dorm." I answered shortly.
"Oh, come on babe! Where's the fun? You're graduating in few days! There's a party at Vernon's house tonight. Are you in?" She sounded excited. She's the bubbly, cheerful and hyperactive type. No wonder she always sound as she is.
"Nahhh. I don't think so baby. Still have to settle with few......"
"No, you're coming with me boy. No excuses. I'll pick you up at 7. See you later babe! Love you!"
Urrghhhh, this girl. She always cut me. Why bother asking then? She decides on everything. I love her though. Yeah, I have to.
You're really curious right? Wanna know so bad? Yeah I have a girlfriend. She's the great Ennik Somi Douma, usually called Somi. She's a Canadian-Korean. She's known with her great personality since she's really good in mingling with everyone, her friends and mine.
To be honest I can't hurt her, or else our friends will kill me. Or maybe she could kill me herself. She's a black-belter in martial arts, Taekwondo. And she also learned Boxing from her Dad.
But that's not actually the real reason. Maybe I fall for her. I've been with her for two years now. It's impossible to not fall for her, don't you think? I'm still normal though.
Our story started when each senior was given a task to guide the junior in their first month. It was my second year here. We got to tour them around the university, explaining them on what to do, how, when, rules and etc. And I was responsible for Somi and her group that time.
She was a little bit shy at first, but when you get along with her, she could be real crazy. I tried to close my heart but she kept bothering me, asking me this and that. And on our 5th months, she asked me out.
I accepted her? No. She got rejection from me. Twice. But she never gave up. She always approached me, trying her best to win my heart. She tried to heal me I guess? Then on her 3rd attempt I said YES. And that's a year after.
I've seen how she really tried so hard to get my attention, steal my heart, please me, bother me. She would give hundreds illogical excuses just to stay around me. That's her.
I accepted her not because I fall for her. But her actions touched my heart. She really cares for me and she watches every detail of my actions too. How can someone try so hard just to be with me? I really appreciated all her effort. So, I accepted her even I know my heart belongs to someone else.
That's why I keep hating myself for not giving my very best to love her. The worst thing, I always imagine that she's 'her'. My baby. I'm an asshole don't you think? She's not a rebound, it's just me. I'm stupid. But I keep trying though.
By not realizing, I started to fall for her, a little. She has a place in my heart now. A small one. And I'll try to save more place for her. Somi is someone I should focus on now. Not 'her'. She has someone else now and so do I. I should really forget about her. But can I do this? Can I?
Hello, hello hello! Now the chapter you've been waiting for is here. Mind to tell me what's your thought? See ya!
- NFS -
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COWARD : ANNYEONGZ (안녕즈) || COMPLETED
Fanfiction"If only I was brave enough to confess. If only I have the courage to tell you the truth. If only I take the step to you. You would be mine by now. But I was such a coward." - Yuj - "What if I tell you how I really feel? What if I tell you to stay a...
