Love You So Bad

So Far Away

You averted your eyes from Namjoon's stern ones, but you could still feel his gaze on you, clear as day.

"I'm fine, Joonie oppa," you mumbled, still avoiding eye contact and Namjoon sighed, looking at you with clear concern.

"Are you sure? It's not too late to back out--"

"No, I have to do this or I'm gonna go crazy,"

"Yeah, but I don't want you to pretend to be happy when you're clearly not,"

You looked up at him.

"I'm happiest when I'm on stage oppa. Maybe that'll be true this time, too,"

There was a concert today. But it was only a concert, which meant there wasn't a lot of time to socialize with your fans. There was no fan meeting, which means you wouldn't have to really interact with them, so you didn't see how it could be that bad for you. However, the other members were very concerned.

**Flashback**

"Don't feel burdened (Nickname). I'm serious. Answer them honestly," Jimin said, gently squeezing your shoulder.

"I'm fine," you stressed, trying to ignore the stares of Bang PD-nim and the other managers. "I can do the concert on the 25th,"

"The only reason we're asking like this is because we don't want you to be vulnerable up on stage," Manager Seijin said gently. "Remember what happened in Taipan a few weeks ago?"

You had broken down on stage in Taipan. It was just a few days after your brother's death and it was all very overwhelming. Unfortunately, your tears had spurred panic on the internet, especially Twitter and Instagram. Fans somehow connected your crying and the members' sadness to your contract and started trending all these things about you leaving and trying to convince you not to. It was nice that they wanted you to stay, but they were way off with their assumptions. The public didn't even know your brother was in the hospital to begin with, so his death being the reason you were crying wouldn't have been so obvious.

"That's because it was too soon," you said. "I....I'm better now,"

"Are you sure?" Bang PD-nim asked.

"Yes," you stressed. "I want nothing more than to get back to work,"

The staff in the room exchanged looks before PD-nim nodded.

"Okay," he relented, albeit hesitantly. "But...how and when do you want to tell the public?"

You stilled.

"We've talked with your family and they agreed that it's your choice when and how you tell them,"

"So they agreed to telling people about it?" you asked.

PD-nim nodded.

"They think people will be more sensitive to his memory if they know about it. Otherwise, they might just carelessly bring him up which will cause pain for you and your family,"

"That makes sense," Hoseok said, gently squeezing your hand under the table.

"Then..." you said. "I'll tell them on my own. Soon,"

He nodded and left it at that.

"Well, go practice then. You can leave," he sighed and the rest of you shuffled outside.