Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

14 June, 1975 - Goodbyes

As it turned out, the break was good for Lavinia and, though she'd never say it to his face, Regulus was wise beyond his years with these things. His advice was good, and however much she'd doubted it, he'd been right. It did get easier.

She'd had more time to think over break than she'd really have liked and she had come to a simple conclusion: It was better to be his friend than be nothing or worse.

As the year progressed, Lavinia found it easier and easier to simply be his friend, easier and easier to ignore her feelings. Her heart still skipped beats sometimes and she couldn't stop the twist in her chest every time he brought up Evans or headed straight for her at Slughorn's parties, but she was coming to accept it, as much as she could, anyway. It was easier when she didn't think about it so much. And at the end of the day, she really didn't want to ruin their friendship. It was better to have him by her side as her friend than to push him away entirely. Or ruin a good thing with her selfishness.

And so it was that Lavinia found herself standing with him in a compartment of the train as everyone disembarked for the summer. Their friends had all left, leaving Lavinia and Severus pulling their luggage down from the racks together.

Severus almost dropped his trunk on Lavinia's head, missing knocking her out only because she ducked aside so it hit her shoulder.

"Hey," she said, giving him a reproachful look. "Watch where you're dropping things."

"Sorry!" he called, reaching out to her as she rubbed what was sure to be a bruise in a few days.

She shook her head, a teasing smirk on her face as she said, "Klutz."

He straightened himself out, mockingly prideful. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

She snorted and then laughed outright at the look of feigned outrage on his face.

"Come on," she said, pulling herself back together. "Help me get this down so I don't 'accidentally' knock your shoulder out of its socket too." She mimed air quotes around 'accident' and though Severus rolled his eyes, he had the good sense to set his trunk down on the seats and help Lavinia with hers.

A certain amount of struggling ensued, mostly due to the fact that Lavinia was just too short to get her trunk down and Severus was having to reach over her, which in turn distracted her and left her fumbling and clumsy. Once it was safely down, Lavinia found herself standing right next to Severus as they were crammed next to each other in the space between the two rows of seats in the compartment, her trunk set down between her and the door.

"Well," said Severus awkwardly and Lavinia suppressed a smile. "Happy summer."

She nodded, her heart clenching slightly at their proximity, knowing exactly what she needed to do and not entirely appreciating the sensible part of her brain that was going to make her do it. Or the completely ridiculous part of her brain that was telling her to go out with a bang. So she compromised.

"I'll miss you," Severus added, pulling her into a hug. She knew he meant nothing by it. Knew that this was their way as friends. Knew and hated it. Her heart felt like it was beating a million miles an hour while simultaneously skipping every third beat and she prayed he couldn't feel it. When they pulled away from each other, she made herself smile through the tense feeling in her heart and her skull. She tipped her head at him, pushing a strand of rather greasy hair out of his face and fighting herself.

"You need to either cut this or learn about ponytails," she teased.

He rolled his eyes and though she wanted to savor the moment, she knew it was almost over and she was making this awkward enough that even Severus, with his knack for being completely oblivious would know what she was thinking about.

So she swallowed her nerves, kissed his cheek and bid him goodbye, turning and picking up her trunk before he could say anything else. She left him standing there and simply walked away, promising herself that she hadn't just said goodbye to a friend for the summer, but also to a stupid, impossible dream for good.

When she stepped off the train, the platform was as crowded as ever, swarming with students and parents searching for each other in the crowds and the steam from the scarlet engine. It took her a moment before she caught sight of her mother's distinct blonde bun and began making her way over.

A space cleared in the crowd as she approached and she saw Alexandra talking with her mother. Her feet seemed to pause of their own accord and Lavinia frowned, wondering what in Merlin's name her friend had to say to a woman she professed to hate spending time with.

"I always feel like she's judging me," Alexandra always said when the topic came up.

"That's because she is," Lavinia assured her each time.

Lavinia forced her feet to start moving again and as she approached, Alexandra cast a look over at her friend, her face hard, jaw set and said some last thing to Rhea Selwyn that Lavinia couldn't hear.

"So good talking to you, Mrs. Selwyn," Alexandra added as Lavinia stopped next to William, who was looking out at the platform, apparently paying no attention to the scene at hand.

"Happy summer," Alexandra said, turning to Lavinia, her smile a fake, sickly thing that made Lavinia want to take several steps back and make a comment about dolls' faces being less creepy than that. But confused as she was, she resisted the urge and simply blinked, taken aback by the blatant insincerity in her friend's tone.

"Happy summer," she returned hesitantly, the shadow of a question mark hanging at the end of the sentence.

As Alexandra departed, Lavinia turned to her family, or rather her mother, as her father was nowhere to be found, likely busy with something ministry related. William was still staring off into space and Lavinia almost wondered if he was doing it on purpose. Why was everyone acting so strangely?

One look at her mother's face and Lavinia's silent question was answered. Whatever Alexandra had said was nothing but bad news. She felt her heart rise into her throat in fear and more and more questions swirled around in her head. Why had Alexandra seemed so satisfied? Why was William not saying a word? What the bloody hell had Alexandra said?

"You kept us waiting," Rhea Selwyn stated, her flat voice sending a shiver of terror down Lavinia's spine. She'd only heard her mother use that voice once. It had been the spring of her third year, on the last day of the Easter holidays. Her grandmother had been sent off with that tone and a threat that would have made even brave men run for the hills. Not that it had had any effect on Lavinia's grandmother, who had long ago established herself as completely and utterly unflappable.

The memory had barely flashed in Lavinia's mind when Rhea grabbed her daughter's hand and started practically dragging her off the platform.

Glancing back in a state of half panic, as if she would find any help on the platform, Lavinia saw Alexandra watching her with an expression that somehow mixed satisfaction and guilt as she stood watching. Nearby was the Black family, whose house elf was waiting for the two boys. Lavinia looked at them, and saw both staring at her as she stumbled after her mother. She made eye contact with Regulus, who swore lightly under his breath at the expression of shock and fear on his friend's face. Sirius, though he heard his brother and under different circumstances would have pried, said nothing. Even he knew to fear Rhea Selwyn when she had that look in her eyes.