Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

17 July, 1991 - Good

As the year wound down, Robert taught Lavinia the ins and outs of what would soon become her new position. It was, thankfully, straight forward enough and, as Robert assured her more than once, entirely non-political. Really the only major differences between a normal healer and a head healer was that the head healer was responsible for coordinating scheduling and communicating with the higher ups who worked in administration. All in all, Lavinia was glad for this. She liked her job. She liked the healing and had no wish for that to go away or even be diminished. This lack of huge differences in her expected work aside from the addition of some administration type tasks meant that the position ended up being mostly a fancy title for all it came with a decent pay raise, which Lavinia was more than happy to take.

It wasn't that she was desperate for money or anything of the like, but between the bills and house payments and the ridiculously expensive potions ingredients she used for Remus every month, her savings was rather smaller than she would have liked for it to be. Besides, with a higher salary came the opportunity to improve the little things that needed it. Like replacing the armchair in the living room that barely contained its stuffing anymore. And buying a few new pots for the kitchen. And finally and perhaps most excitingly, Lavinia and Remus decided to convert the spare room into a cozy little library to which they could both escape whenever they needed space to unwind.

It was also, in Lavinia's mind, the last step to moving on. To really truly letting go of the past and focussing on the future which now seemed so certain and so bright. And Lavinia was happy for this. Happy to be moving on with her life in a way that didn't feel like running away from the pains of her past so much as it felt like turning a new leaf or starting a new chapter. She wasn't cutting anything off or leaving it unfinished. She was continuing. Keeping on and moving through. And she was ready, even if as they'd first started something had caught in her heart to see that room stripped bare.

Because of course, this was the room that Sirius had once slept in. A room she had so often slept in with him. Standing in it, empty and bare, she felt like she could see the phantom posters on the walls, the clothes piled on top of the dresser, the signature leather jacket hung over the bedpost. But it was just that. A phantom image in her memories.

In reality, his things had been cleared out years ago and it had become a spare storage space of sorts that wasn't much used except to contain their seemingly endlessly growing book collection. So Lavinia and Remus got to work on changing nearly everything about it with only the small moments of nostalgia when they paused and stared off and both knew the other was remembering old times. But they got past those moments and memories as they repainted the walls and put in more bookshelves than Lavinia thought they could possible need until Remus started hauling books in and she realized that actually, it might not be nearly enough. Then they finished it off with two very plump armchairs and several blankets with the end result that the room became a space that just felt... warm. Like a space you could spend hours in with nothing more than a cup of tea and a good book. Lavinia loved it. And from the million or so times Remus thanked her for the idea, she gathered he did too.

It was nice also, Lavinia learned, to have done something with that space, to have made it their own instead of a room that had always felt like Sirius's. Even without the bed and posters and dresser. It had always felt like his presence lingered, one last reminder of who else had once lived in this house. But now... now Lavinia felt like they had both well and truly moved on. The house was theirs and theirs alone and life... life was good.

As the new year began, Lavinia felt that with all her heart. She had a good job and a good house and good friends. Heather had been right. She had made it. She had finally, finally made it.

And yes, she knew she was lucky. But she knew also that there were parts of it that had nothing to do with luck. She had fought for this. She had hurt for this. And she had learned how to make the best of what she had because that was all this was. It wasn't like the grief had suddenly disappeared, just as her guilt hadn't vanished and her pain from years ago would never really go away. But she had learned how to deal with it. How to make the best of it. How to take a bad day and make it better. Maybe not good, but better. And Lavinia knew that was all she could possibly ask for.