Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

12 February, 1979 - Time Away

The February full moon passed without issue, though Lavinia didn't sleep a wink that night. When morning came, Lavinia left her room and padded carefully into the living room, her eyes alert for any signs of problem. But Remus came into the house through the back door looking tired, but unhurt and his only answer to her silent question was to wrap her in a hug, whisper a thank you, and cry.

She let him. She couldn't imagine what he was feeling. She couldn't imagine spending nearly fifteen years expecting to lose control of yourself once a month only to suddenly be given the chance to prevent it. The relief had to be immeasurable.

Eventually, Remus headed off to bed and Lavinia had to stop herself from collapsing onto the couch in her own relief. She had been so afraid, terrified she had made some mistake that wasn't obvious, that she might have forgotten the dosing or the timing or any of it. That it would be her fault if he got out, her fault if someone got hurt.

But it was fine. Everything had gone fine. And now she wished more than ever that she could have made that potion every month. But between the price and the risk of getting even the tiniest thing wrong... They would have to just continue as they always had. When Sirius or James could spare the night, they could handle it. It wasn't ideal, but if Lavinia saved up she could afford the potion more often in the future, when things were busier. Or if James or Sirius....

She didn't let herself finish that thought. She wasn't even going to entertain the possibility. They were strong. They were smart. They would be fine. They had to be.

Lavinia made her way through her morning routine slowly, her limbs feeling terribly heavy from an exhaustion that wasn't just from a sleepless night. It was going to be a long, long day.

She drank three cups of coffee before she left for St. Mungo's, a decision she was reasonably sure she was going to regret. She was greeted, as usual, by Miriam, whose bright, peppy manner actually helped to bolster Lavinia a bit through classes. Then she departed for her ward and the weight of more than just physical exhaustion fell on her as she beheld the unconscious patients in their beds and learned that the woman by the window would be lucky to survive the night. By the time Lavinia headed back home, she was close to nodding off while still standing up. She wanted nothing more than the oblivion of sleep and the thoughtless ease it offered.

Sirius still wasn't back, and Lavinia did her best to push away the stress that had been hanging over her ever since he'd left three days ago. She knew her worry wasn't terribly useful. The reality was that she couldn't do anything about... well, about anything really. And she knew Sirius could handle himself. He was with James too, and between the two of them they could take on plenty. But that didn't stop the fear from creeping in when she wasn't paying attention. It was like a constant cloud over her head, a weight to add to everything else.

And that everything else wasn't helped by the fact that there was a letter waiting for her when she came home. A letter from Regulus.

Dear Vin,

I don't know how often I'll be able to write in the coming months. I've been slow to respond lately, and I apologize for that, but I don't have much time when I'm not being watched or else performing some duty or another.

In answer to your letter: Of course I am being careful. And no, I haven't really seen the others. The Dark Lord is very good at keeping us away from each other so we don't know everyone's names and we rarely interact with each other without masks. What I do know of their lives comes more from rumor than anything else, but I'll share it anyway: Alexandra is apparently dating Rabastan Lestrange and her parents are ecstatic. Eloise and Thomas are engaged and last I heard, the wedding is planned for August. And Merlin knows what's going on with Severus these days. I miss them, actually. I miss our group and the good times we had. It's not the same without everyone.