Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

14 December, 1993 - What If

The house was so empty. Too empty. The walls stared back at her. The darkness whispered. And it was always the same words.

What if.

And there were the old ones. Questions she had asked herself long ago when the house had been empty for other reasons. For worse reasons. And they echoed now, though her dreams and sleepless night.

What if.

What if they were gone. What if they were dead. What if they never came home?

What if.

And there were the newer questions. Questions that stalked the hallways of nightmares like this one that didn't care how long it had been since she'd dwelled on them. Nightmares that weren't common even now, but which still lurked, haunting forgotten halls in her head. And they too asked that question.

What if.

What if they had never died. What if they had never left. What if he had never left? What then? What might have happened?

It was torture and torment and a horrible, horrible, thing to consider, but the darkness kept asking and those eyes staring out at her from inside it begged for answers. To know what they were missing. What they had lost as surely as she had lost it, even if she had at least kept her life.

But she had not kept the same life she had had. And she could see it, clear as day, like a vision appearing from the mist of that darkness.

Those eyes were no longer encompassed by darkness, but set into faces. Familiar faces. And her own gaze sought them out, scanning the planes of high, full cheeks, sliding over dark red hair that shone in imagined sunlight before returning at last to the eyes she had never forgotten.

And Lily Potter was as beautiful as Lavinia remembered, standing there in pale green. And not too far from her was James, all dressed up and handsome even if his hair was as messy as ever and didn't care that this was supposed to be a formal affair. Or sort of, anyway. It wasn't like she'd set out a dress code.

Dress code or not, however, James looked as casual as he always did and probably always would as he stood there next to Remus who was smiling at her with all the pride in the world. This friend she had relied on. This friend she had loved. This friend that she missed. Standing there now, he was holding the hand of a small boy who couldn't be older than three and who was so familiar. Who looked so like his father. Who had his mother's eyes.

And Harry Potter beamed at her across the distance. Across the years. Still just a child, not understanding what was happening but joyful all the same, as children often are, holding the hands of two his father's friends because there was Peter, shorter than the others, but smiling widely, his happiness glittering in eyes that had already started to water.

And on James's other side... Sirius. Wearing a suit and a tie that was bright red because he'd sworn he didn't care how much he loved her, green just wasn't his color. But he didn't look like he cared what color was his right now. He didn't look like he cared about anything at all except her because that look in his eyes spoke the world as he shook his head, dumbstruck by the sight of her.

She smirked and winked and he laughed, that barking laugh he always made when he threw his head back at something truly, deeply funny.

It was a balm to Lavinia's heart.

Then a touch on her elbow and she looked to the side almost hesitantly, loathe to take her eyes off of Sirius for even a moment.

But she was glad she did. Because next to her was Bertie, old and smiling, his wrinkled face seemingly lit from within, like the light of a happiness greater than any other had been switched on behind those eyes.