Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

1 July, 1978 - Family (II)

The first several days in the new house were strange for Lavinia, and not just because it was an adjustment to an entirely new kind of life. She had freedom now. She could leave whenever she wanted, could simply walk outside and no one would tell her not to. She could curl up on the couch in the living room and read all day and no one told her she was wasting her time. She could walk down to the beach and stare out at the endless waves and the only restriction was that she had to wear muggle clothes.

One thing Lavinia realized rather suddenly was that she had no things. She had her clothes and books and a few trinkets, but she didn't own much beyond that. Sirius had wasted no time putting up posters in his room of his favorite bands and some weird muggle contraption he said was called a motorcycle. Remus had gotten his mother's help to move a desk and nearly full bookcase into his room. Both rooms, within days of their moving in, had completely reflected the personalities of their occupants. And Lavinia had stared at the blank walls and lack of furniture in her own room and wondered if it was fitting.

She didn't know what she would do to decorate even if she had the money to buy decorations. She didn't know what her personality was. She'd never had to because it had never mattered. She'd been given a role. And she had played it. And when that role had fallen apart, she'd been so busy drowning in the aftermath that she hadn't had time to think about what she liked or who she was. Outside of her mother's control and the chaos and self destruction that had reigned when she'd broke free, Lavinia simply didn't know who she was. It was a sobering thought, really and not at all a comfortable realization, but she also had no idea what to do about it. So she did nothing. She stared at her blank walls and thought that she could live with them.

Besides, she'd never had to decorate a room before. At home, her mother had done the decorating and it had always been elegant and perfect and Lavinia had never been allowed to touch it. At Hogwarts, she'd never bothered with decoration. Her bedside table had been functional, her trinkets merely small memories tucked away in the corners of drawers. She'd never had posters, like her roommate Emma had, or photos of her family like Alexandra. Her space had been tidy and that was about it. She supposed that even now that was probably all it needed to be anyway.

She didn't mention any of this to Sirius or Remus, mostly because she didn't want to sound whiny or ungrateful and she didn't want them to worry more than they already did. And they did plenty, she knew that. After that first day, she would catch them glancing at her out of the corner of her eye, would catch worried frowns and walk in on whispered conversations or arguments that broke off when she entered the room. She would have been a bit upset about it, but the reality was that she knew they had a point. Not that she was spiraling or losing it or anything that dramatic. She just felt a bit like she'd stagnated. Like this might be as good as it got.

Either way, it didn't exactly do much for her spirits to spend so much time in such a blank room. At least the rest of the house was better. Sirius and Remus had put up pictures they had from over the years and Remus's mother, ignoring Lavinia's warnings about her inability to keep plants alive, had insisted on putting some around the living spaces. They did brighten the space up a bit, that was for sure and Lavinia simply made sure someone else took care of them. Dead plants would be worse for morale than bare walls.

The kitchen had quickly become the brightest spot in the house for Lavinia as Remus had come home from a trip to town one day with arms full of groceries and a few muggle cookbooks. It made the nights better because each one felt a bit like an adventure as the three of them picked a recipe and did their best to recreate it, often with very mixed results. But regardless of the quality of the food at the end of it all, along the way they laughed enough to make up for it. Sirius put on muggle records he said he'd been collecting over the years, a habit he admitted he'd started to spite his parents, which seemed to be a common theme in his hobbies, and they cooked and laughed and all collectively judged Sirius for his taste in music.