Thicker than Water (Marauders Era)

20 December, 1977 - Hiding

After the incident of the full moon, Lavinia started avoiding the Marauders, a feat which quickly proved to be far more difficult than she'd anticipated. No matter which odd corner of the castle she went to, they seemed to be able to find her. During the day it was easier, but at night, it was like they had a map that pointed right to her.

The morning after, Lavinia skipped breakfast, which was normal, and lunch, which was also par for the course at this point. She had a stash of snacks from the kitchens she kept in her school bag, a collection of nuts and dried fruits she munched on if she ever got hungry. Normally, she would have gone to dinner, but she avoided it, not wanting to see Lupin's face. Or Black's for that matter. She didn't want to be reminded of what she'd seen or the awful things she'd thought or the jumble of chaos in her head she still couldn't puzzle out. So she'd wandered into the kitchens sometime after dinner had been served and sat in a corner of the cozy space, sipping tea and eating the leftovers from dinner after she'd insisted she didn't need anything fresh made.

The night after the full moon, Lavinia didn't go out at all, simply sitting in the common room, watching the fire die before her eyes and trying desperately to quell the restlessness she could feel building in her. She didn't like this sitting still, not when her head was running wild, still trying to reconcile what she'd seen. It was like there were two ideas stuck in her head and she couldn't bring herself to fully accept either one of them. So they just stayed there, fighting with each other, filling her head with nonsense and self loathing.

She didn't know what time it was when she fell asleep that first night, but she woke up in the same armchair she'd been sitting in, her back and neck aching.

And again, she skipped all her meals that day, spending more time in the kitchens and making slightly awkward conversation with the house elves there, who seemed slightly thrown off when she asked them about their days. She knew it was odd of her, but she was bored, and didn't like the silence. It let her think too much. That and she kept thinking of Jilsey, who had so calmly and quietly brought her every meal when she'd been confined to her room two summers ago. She kept remembering how Jilsey, her house elf, had kept insisting she eat every night, and had even gone so far as to almost chastise her on the few occasions she'd collected full plates in the mornings.

It should have made her feel better, she supposed, to know that somehow her house elf cared enough to overstep her bounds, but it didn't. It made her feel worse. Jilsey, sweet, ignorant little Jilsey, who Lavinia had never been kind to, never been more than polite to, had taken better care of her than her friends had these past months. Better care of her than she deserved, she was certain.

By the second night after the full moon, it was clear to Lavinia that she couldn't sit still anymore. She'd been pacing the common room, staring out the windows to the dark waters of the lake every few minutes, aching for the stars. She'd tried writing letters, something that had tapered off after the summer, but it was no use. Though they helped, just as they had over break, they couldn't quench the restlessness that seemed to be boiling over inside her. She wanted to move, as if by doing so she could leave behind the tangled mess that was her head.

So she gave in, left the common room and went to the most obscure side corridor she could think of that still had windows, confident that the Marauders couldn't find her here.

Not ten minutes later, Black had walked into the corridor. "There you are, Selwyn," he'd called and Lavinia's head had snapped to the side, fear and guilt and self loathing shooting through her.

He made it perhaps twenty feet down the corridor towards her before she ran for it, cursing herself as a coward even as she did so. She could hear him calling after her, but she ignored him, simply running. She'd locked herself in the prefects' bathroom and wished and wished and wished it had windows.