More Than Life Itself

Father and Daughter

Author Note----This Bridge poem recited by Eislyn is by Shel Silverstein, who gets all the credit for writing this poem.

Eislyn P.O.V.

"You're right about that, and I'm not as curious anymore. The things I know are the only things I really want to know. However, you haven't done anything or said anything to make up for the mistakes you made when you left. You've apologized for how you treated me when you drunk when we met, but I have nothing that proves you're going to stay this time.

And that scares me because I want to know you, trust you, develop a relationship with you. However, I don't know what you'll do when complicated situations happen. I can promise you, we will probably get into arguments about stuff, and I want to know that you are going to want to work it out. 

I'm worried that I'm going to trust you, like I did thirteen years ago, and then one day, you're going to be gone again. Not dead, but alive and gone. I have others now, but I want a father. If you don't think you can handle being a father, even for a nineteen year old woman, I don't want to establish that with you. I need someone who's going to be there."

"Links."

"To be honest, yes. You were compared to him as a child, and I promise that I'm not comparing you. The thing I basing this off, is who was there for me first. Whether it was your brother or not. From the moment he saw me, Links wanted to help. You told me I was pretty. The choice is clear to me if you aren't willing to be better for me. Because I deserve a father, whether or not he's biological, to be there for me."

"I understand, and I want to try to have a relationship with you. I want to build a relationship with you, but I can't promise anything. I'm sorry. However, I know I'm not what you need. You need Links. If I was your uncle, this would be a thousand times easier. I can't be your father. After I lost Alex, I couldn't be a parent anymore. That's true to this day."

"So, you have decided to give me up because you aren't strong enough to handle the death of your son and my brother? Are you choosing my dead brother over me?"

"Not choosing one of you over the other but still needing to grieve the loss I feel everyday."

I blink the tears away from my eyes. I will not let him see me cry. That is that last thing I will do.

"I'm sorry I can't be your father. I can't what you want."

"I wouldn't ask that of you. That's unfair of me. I'm sorry that you are so hurt and feel so guilty about Alex's death. From what I remember and from the kind of person he was, I don't think he would want you to feel this way. I'm not saying you can't, but I think Alex would want you to learn to live your life without him."

"He was my life. That boy meant so much to me."

"You had a daughter though. A daughter who needed you."

"She doesn't need me anymore."

"No, she doesn't. So now you've lost both your kids. I'm sorry that I can't be in any relationship with you. I will always look at you and see the man that keeps on abandoning me."

We sit in silence for a minute, feeling the ties that have been severed. 

"I'm letting you go now, Eislyn."

I nod in understanding before I begin to speak.

"This Bridge. This bridge will only take you halfway there to those mysterious lands you long to see: Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fairs and moonlit woods where unicorns run free. So come and walk awhile with me and share the twisting trails and wondrous worlds I've known. But this bridge will only take you halfway there-the last few steps you'll have to take alone."

Mikeal sniffles beside me, and I see tears streaming down his face. He stands, wiping them away gently with his fingers. He sends me one last sad smile before disappearing. Little did I know that that moment would be the last time I would see him alive. He died two weeks later. I say he died from heartbreak. The autopsy confirmed it to be a suicide.