Andante con Brio

VI

Brett cleared his throat softly. 
"maybe I should go." 
"No!" 
The vehemence in his own tone surprised Eddy. He would never usually talk like this in front of his sister, but there was just quite simply no way he was letting Brett go right now. He needed Brett here, and Brett needed to be here. 
"This concerns you just as much, Brett. Please don't go." He looked up at his sister with sure eyes and his tone suddenly left no room for arguments at all. "Brett stays."
His sister shrugged. 
"Whatever."
She sat down next to the bench with a shock and crossed her legs under her on the dry ground, where a few sprigs of grass managed to grow despite the drought. Then she put her hand on Eddy's knee. 
"Okay, so, I had a moment to think about all the information that just got dumped on me. Look Eddy, I'm sorry I got so mad just now in my room, but I just... I need to know why you didn't tell me. I get why you didn't tell mum or any of the family, but me? When have I ever shown you you couldn't trust me?"
Eddy was quiet for a long moment. It wasn't that he didn't get where she was coming from, because it was true, what she was saying, but how could he ever have taken the chance?
And how could he make her see that? She came from such a different place than he did. He had heard the tidings of on-and-off boyfriends coming from Sydney, of dates. Everything she did was pleasingly normal. Acceptable. How could she ever know what it was like when you weren't normal? When, to your family at least, you weren't actually acceptable?
The breath he took seemed to come all the way down from his toes. 
"Sis... I'm sorry, I really am. I just... I could never take the chance." 
He looked down at his knees and tried to keep his emotions under control.
"I never meant to hurt you but you've got to know... my life would have been over, if I couldn't be with Brett. He's the world to me. I couldn't risk that, not when I wasn't eighteen."
The silence took on a monumental shape now, like a zeppelin of emotion, of anger, sadness and shame hovering above and around them. He studied the wood of the bench and waited for her to say something without another word.  
When at last she did speak her voice was hoarser than he had ever heard it before, so soft that it was barely a whisper.  
"You must have been so lonely." 
His eyes swept up at her face of their own accord. She was looking away, past him towards their secret spot between the trees. She didn't look angry anymore, she looked... sad. His lip started to quiver and he bit it in a bid to stop it. She met his eyes and he just nodded, because what was there to say?
She squeezed his knee softly. 
"I always knew he was important to you, I just can't believe I never saw to what extent. Or maybe I didn't want to see?"
"Stop, I'm going to cry." he whispered. 

She got up as suddenly as she had sat down and squeezed herself onto the bench in between him and Brett. Then she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her chest.
Even though he had warned her, the first sob still took him by surprise. He didn't want to cry, he wanted to be strong, to face this mess he had made head on, but he couldn't stop the tears now, especially not with his sister's arms around him, his head buried in her long, jet black hair, her scent enveloping him. The scent of home.
"That's okay." she whispered in his ear as she stroked his back with her right hand, just like she used to when he was a little boy and had fallen on the pavement and hurt his knee. "That's okay, Eddy."
He allowed himself a short moment of just sitting there in her comfort, before blinking back the last tears as he sat back and eyed her. He searched her face for any animosity, but he found none. 
"Am... am I forgiven?" he asked her slowly. 
She smiled suddenly. 
"There's nothing to forgive, is there? Look. I get it, I guess. I can't begin to understand what it's like, to be where you guys are. And I'm sorry."
She turned around to Brett and cocked her head. 
"So, what, you're basically my brother-in-law now?"
Brett was silent, he just gave her his kind smile. Eddy knew why, because he could see the emotion floating in his eyes, and he knew Brett well enough to know there was no way he wanted to show that in front of his sister. He gave him a look that he hoped was encouraging. 

They were quiet for another long, long moment. It was already getting hot, in the sun, his black t-shirt attracting the rays and keeping their warmth on his back. 
"Well, guys, I guess we should all head back home before mum starts freaking out about where we've all gone?" 
Eddy nodded with a tiny grin. He could just picture the fall-out now, of them all suddenly not being there and her not knowing where they had gone. 
"Yeah, I guess. But, erm, sis... what happens now?"
She got up from the bench and looked at them both in turn. Her face wasn't sad anymore, it was determined. It was kind. 
"Now? Nothing happens, except I'll be your ally. So I'll be there when you need me. As long as... well, just be honest with me from now on, okay?"
Eddy's head was reeling. Fuck, had she really just said that? An ally? Within his family? He felt the relief spreading through him like wildfire, like muscles suddenly unclenching after having been tense for the longest time. 
"Thank you, sis." he said then as he too got up. "You'll never know how much that means."