Andante con Brio

CXXXIV

He could see that Brett was as awkward as he was, as he padded over and sat down next to him. He grabbed Brett's hand and intertwined their fingers. Tears were making their way up like water through rocks. He knew he couldn't keep them out much longer. 
"Jeez, Eddy, are you okay?"
The sudden concern in Brett's voice made the first tear flow over. 
"Fuck, Brett. Just tell me. Are we okay? Do you... do you feel differently now? Do you... are you breaking up or something?"
His voice had shot up more than an octave throughout that little outpour, but when he saw Brett's astounded face his mouth shut with an audible thump. 
"What? Jesus, Eddy! I told you it was a good thing, didn't I?"
Eddy looked down at his knees and watched as a tear fell on his sweats. 
"You did, but you've been so weird, so distant."
"Oh, fuck, Eddy. I've not been distant, I've been fucking awkward."
Brett got up with a shock. 
"Fuck. I'll just... Okay, I'll just show you."
He walked over to his bag in the corner and took out a little brown paper satchel. Then he came back to the bed and sat back down. He seemed to take a huge breath, before offering it to him.  
"Here." he said, very quietly. 
Eddy's eyes shot from Brett's face to the satchel and back. Then he peeled the sellotape off and shook a little bottle out of the bag. He stared at it in shock.  

Lube. Oh my God. It was lube. 
His eyes shot back up, but differently this time. Brett was looking down at his own knees now, and his breath was fast. He was nervous, Eddy could see that bright as day, and suddenly he could kick himself. All that worry, for this? A wave of something pulled through him as he took Brett's hand again. 
"You bought lube." he said in that same hoarse voice, but it had a different meaning now. 
Brett shrugged. 
"Is... is that a bad idea?"
"Are you kidding? It's very definitely not a bad idea, Bretty."
"I... I had no idea what you'd think. Maybe... considering how stressed I've made you, maybe I should have talked to you first. But I had no idea how."
"Oh Bretty." 
It was almost a moan, and he put his arms around Brett and held him tight. How he wished he could always see underneath the surface of Brett, help him, be there for him more than he could now. But he got it. He got it now, how awkward he had felt. And he could see him now, as well, walking through the drugstore on his own, looking for this bottle and then taking it to the register. His cheeks would have been colouring hard, he was sure of it. I mean, buying a bottle like that? It wasn't like the cashier wouldn't realise what he wanted it for, right?
And he had done that for him, to be with him. 
Wow.  
"How... what..." he stammered very softly. "Er... w- what were you thinking, with this?"
Brett shrugged again. 
"I... I mean... maybe... yeah, erm, maybe you'd want to... you know, do that to me?"

The world stopped spinning for a moment and turned around, going the wrong way around its axel. 
"I mean... if you want?" Brett stuttered again. 
"Do I want? Are you kidding me?"
Suddenly their lips were together and he kissed him once, twice, three times with such fire. 
"Oh, Bretty." he whispered then, against his lips. "You know you can say anything to me, you know? God, I was so worried. I'm an idiot, I know."
Brett grinned softly. 
"You are. You wondered if I wanted to break up with you? Seriously? But I'm an idiot too. I should have just told you. I was a chicken and I'm sorry."
"You're sorry? Seriously? With that offer you just made me?"
Brett leaned back a little and looked at him with fire in his eyes. 
"You like that offer?"
Another wave pulled through Eddy. The worry was being forgotten and replaced by something else, something even deeper. 
"I like that offer a lot."