Andante con Brio

XXIX

He saw it the second he came back from his stupid job he hated, stacking shelves at Coles. His mum was out and he thought she had gone to a friend, so it was just lying there with a few brochures and the local newspaper, white, rectangular, stark against the backdrop of the door mat. 
Was this it? 
His heart jumped as he bent over quickly and picked it up.

     Mr. E. Chen. 

Oh fuck. This was it, it was here. His heart started thudding erratically, and not even because he was so worried about what the contents of the envelope would say. No. It was because of the conversation he would have to have after. 
Shit, what he wouldn't give to have Brett here right now, but he was away tonight, on some rehearsal for an end of year concert at the con that he hadn't been able to sneak Eddy into. Eddy blinked into the silence of the hallway and then he ran upstairs, to his room. 
He tore the envelope open and scanned the rows of fine print quickly, looking for the number. 

97. 

It was there, in the second paragraph, black on white, and despite himself he grinned, despite himself he smiled from ear to ear. 
Ninety seven percent? Wow. He had known that he had sailed it, but ninety seven percent? 
In an alternate universe a different Eddy Chen would be jumping up and down on the spot now, beyond excited that he was going to med school, that he was in and that he had done so well. 
Ironic, really, how heavy this particular Eddy Chen's heart was, the second he heard the door opening downstairs. His mum was back. 
For a moment he thought about waiting, about just going out tonight and seeing Lily, or maybe seeing if Todd was around. But he knew she would ask him the moment he came downstairs, just like she had been commenting on how long this envelope was taking every day this week. 
He sat for just a moment longer, the paper clutched between his thumb and first finger. Then he sighed deeply. There was nothing for it, he knew it would come to this. He closed his door behind him softly and he walked down the stairs, trying his hardest to ignore the lead in his shoes. He knew what he had to say, he had rehearsed his little speech a thousand times in his head, after all. 

"Hi, mum." 
Oof, that sounded way too defeated. He really should try for strong. For confident. Yes, confident would be better. 
"How was auntie Cho?"
She turned around and eyed him curiously. Then her eyes shot down and saw the paper he was still holding in his right hand. Her eyes opened wide and Eddy nodded. 
"Yeah, it's here. Can we sit, mum?"
Her eyebrows scrunched together, but she didn't say a word as she stepped to the dinner table and sat down. He sat down across from her and looked out to the garden for just a moment. 
Fuck, I wish Brett were here. 
"So, I got into med school, mum. Like I said I would. In fact, I scored ninety seven percent. And..."
He held up his hand when his mum opened her mouth to say something. 
"Hang on a sec, mum, let me just say this. Look, I know you want this for me, and you wanted me to prove to you that I could do this, which I have. Mum, I want to be a musician, not a doctor. I'm sorry, but I'm going to the con."
His mum's mouth opened and closed once, like she was a goldfish out of its tank. He could see her face fall, and despite everything it cut him deep, the pain in her eyes slashing across his heart. 

Please, mum. Please, just be happy for me, for once. Please. Please. 
He eyed her quietly, because what else was there to say now? Then she looked up again and nodded very slowly. 
"Okay." she said, strangely quiet. 
He blinked in shock. 
Okay?! What does Okay mean? 
"Well, Eddy, if this is what you really want, I can't stop you. Yes, I had wanted for you a life of success. A life where you wouldn't have to worry about money, a life of honour, with a good wife and a nice house. I had wanted for you all the chances I never had. But you don't know any better. And you are an adult, now."

She nodded once, pushed her chair back and got up, leaving him blinking in shock. And oh, how he wanted to go after her as she walked back into the kitchen, how he wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay, hell, part of him wanted to tell her he would go to med school after all, just to get that injured look out of her eyes. 
But he couldn't, of course. He had to follow his own dreams, not hers. He could see that this was all the acceptance he was going to get, today. 
His heart was heavy and his eyes were wet as he walked back up the stairs, the piece of paper with his grade on it still clutched in his right hand.