Andante con Brio

CXVII

For some reason it felt super strange to be there now. It felt strange to take his clothes off in the dusky room, the lovely view obscured at this point. It was almost awkward, in fact, to step out of his boxers and put on some bed shorts. Come on, hadn't they shared a million rooms together? Hadn't Brett seen him naked pretty much as many times? So why did it almost feel now like this was the first time they had ever done this, were ever going to do this? His mind flew back to hotel rooms, to secret spots in parks, to tents by the sea. It was unbelievable that from today on they could do this whenever they wanted to. He should visit their old spot in the park at some point, just for old time's sake.
His steps were weighted as he walked to the left side of the bed. His side. His side of the bed. He smiled at his love, who had just gotten in, and saw his own awkwardness reflected back in Brett's wide eyes. 
"Hi." Brett whispered as he opened the sheets and invited him in. 
"H-hi."
He lay down gingerly and stared at his boyfriend. His love, whom he could do anything he wanted to, tonight. He blinked at him and waited. Brett blinked back and looked down at the sheets. 
Should he make the first move? He shivered slightly, but to be honest, it was mostly with uncertainty. 
Should he? He leaned forward a little bit, thought about giving the first kiss, but right now he wasn't sure what Brett wanted either. Usually they would have been kissing hard by now, would have been...
"Are you okay?" he asked Brett softly. 
Brett nodded, but he was still looking down at the sheet. Then, very abruptly, he moved and put his head on Eddy's shoulder, throwing his arm around his torso and pulling him close. He breathed in sharply, and suddenly Eddy wasn't sure if he was breathing or sobbing. Without thinking he started stroking Brett's back with his free hand. He kissed his hair, once, twice. He could feel himself calming down a bit, now that Brett was lying on him, now that he knew Brett needed him there. 
"Hey, my love. You okay?"
Brett nodded against his chest, and when he talked his voice was hoarse. 
"Yeah. Just.... it's been a long time coming."
Eddy looked up at the dark ceiling. So different from what he was used to, and yet this would be home. Was going to feel like home, soon. Right? He kissed Brett's hair again. 
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"No, Brett. This is good."
The words had crossed his lips before he had had a chance to think them through, but he knew they were the right ones straight away. He turned slightly and held Brett tight. 
"We're together now."
Brett nodded again, and Eddy breathed deeply. Relaxation was floating into the room, dispelling anything that might have been awkward. He closed his eyes. 

He must have been asleep, because when he opened them again the room was completely dark and there were no sounds, anywhere. Had the other guys gone to sleep too? They must have. He would have turned over, looked for his phone, checked the time, but Brett was still lying heavily on his shoulder, which had gone to sleep and was now tingling. 
He sighed softly and looked at the ceiling again. He should just doze back off already, but all the feelings that he had had earlier, before they had gone here, when they were still unpacking, when they kissed for the first time over there by the door, were choosing this moment to make their reappearance. 
He hummed without sound and tried his best to ignore them, tried to ignore the pins and needles in his arm too, but then Brett stirred under his hand.