Andante con Brio

LXV

"It'll be okay, Eddy." 
Brett's voice was soft and gentle, just the way he loved hearing it when he was upset. They were walking back to his house, side by side, just the two of them now. Eddy was glad about that as he turned to Brett. Look, he didn't want to worry him, but he was bubbling like a volcano on the inside. He would explode if he didn't say something. 
"Is... is it selfish, Brett?" he asked him, so softly he wasn't sure if Brett could even hear. Brett stopped walking abruptly. 
"Eddy!" 
He turned around meekly and glanced at Brett through his eyelashes. 
"Eddy, is that's what been eating you? That you haven't told your mum yet?"
Eddy nodded. 
"I know I'm being stupid."
"You're not, but she'll be fine. And you can still go over there, can't you? Eat kung pao chicken there?"
"That's true."
"Do you want me to come with you? Tell her together?"
Eddy shook his head. Well. Of course he wanted Brett to come with him. But...
"Nah. This one I'll have to do alone. She'll just stay polite if there's someone else there."
"Yeah, I know. That's why I suggested."
Eddy grinned curtly. 
"As tempting as that is, I have to face this. Thanks, though."
"Hmhm."

Their door seemed so, so heavy as he stuck in his key and dragged his feet over the threshold. Brett was waving at him from the corner of the cul the sac and he smiled gratefully. Of course he had told him he could go home, he would be fine, but he knew Brett wouldn't. He knew he would stand there in the street like a sentinel and wait for him to come and tell him how it had gone. 
If he was still allowed out, that was. 
"Hey mum." he said as he dragged himself over to the kitchen. "Can we sit for a moment?"
She looked around with concern for just a second, but instantly she caught herself and nodded. He followed her to the table, sat down and folded his hands together in his lap as if they could support him. 
God. Another of these talks. Like the one he had with her about going to the con. Like the one he would have to have with her one day. But that one would be the biggest, the worst. At least today he didn't have to tell her that he was gay. 
"Are you okay, mum?" he asked feebly. She didn't reply, she just looked at him, her eyes telling him to hurry up and tell her already. He swallowed and took the deepest breath he could muster. 
"So. Erm. The four of us, Todd, Ian and Brett and I, we've been talking about maybe moving into a house together, mum."
He didn't miss the slight widening of her eyes, he didn't miss the little intake of breath. Yet her face stayed calm, stayed neutral. 
She really did have excellent control of herself. So he guessed he had to deliver the next blow. No sense in lying, right?
"I didn't tell you before, because I wasn't sure if it would happen yet. I'm still not sure, but we... we've seen a house today. It's nice, and it has four bedrooms. We could practise all the time, even as a quartet. It's close to the con and I'd work to get the rent."
She was sat like she was cast in stone, her eyes on him, but no other reaction. He couldn't help the tears that welled up in his own eyes, and suddenly he was much more honest with her than he had ever intended to be. 
"I... I just want to be sure that you'll be okay, mum. It's just... it's just been you and me. I don't know how you'll be if you're here all alone. I... I would still come over all the time, of course. But still."
Suddenly she blinked and for a moment he saw a whole world of emotion behind the dark brown irises. Just for the tiniest moment... and it was gone. She was still, quiet, a strange small smile on her lips. 
"I will be okay, Eddy." she told him then in the softest of tones. "Of course. It's okay. You go and be grown."