Andante con Brio

XVII

Eddy could not sleep to save his life. He tossed and turned as the thoughts of tomorrow, of stern committees and out of tune notes kept pushing themselves into his head like a shit onslaught. And the second he managed to push those out the thoughts of yesterday night managed to make their way in, and he lay there and worried about how his mum had been so weirdly silent, how she had stared out into the garden as he played through his audition pieces. The longer he lay there, trying to keep still, trying to be calm, the more anxious he became.
He kept looking at the clock. It was almost three, now, and with every passing quarter hour he knew he had less time to sleep. By now he had so little time to sleep that he could basically count on being tired, which was just fucking great. It wasn't like he had anything important to do or anything, tomorrow, that some sleep would be useful for, was it?
God, what he wouldn't give to have Brett here right now, to have his soothing presence and his kind words, his strong, soft body lying next to him so he could put his head on Brett's shoulder and forget all about this shit.
But Brett was at home, of course, undoubtedly sleeping by now, in his own bed in his own room.

This sucked. 

It was hard to breathe too, somehow, like the air was stifling and coalescing around him. It was still hot outside and his aircon was on, but suddenly he didn't care about energy consumption. He threw his quilt off and walked over to the window. He opened it wide and inhaled huge gulps of sultry air. The street underneath him was silent, dead in the night. All the lights in all the houses were off. Was there anyone awake now, anywhere?
Probably not. It was just him, like a ghost, haunting the early morning grey. He turned around on a whim and quietly dragged his desk chair over to the window so he could sit on it and simply breathe. 
Tomorrow night around this time he would be in the same room again, right over there in that very same bed, but by that point everything would have been decided. His future. His life. 
He shivered despite the heat. 
When his door suddenly opened with a creak that was loud in the silence he jumped a foot in the air. He whirled the chair around in shock. 
"Jeez, mum!" he panted at her shady figure, dressed in a long white night gown, stepping over and putting her hand on his shoulder. 
"Come on, Eddy. It's time to go to bed." she said softly. 
He wanted to bite something back, something about how he could work this out for himself, and what did she care anyway whether he slept or not, but before he knew it he found himself spilling the beans. 
"I know, mum. I just... I couldn't sleep."
She nodded and held out her hand.
"I know. Come, lie down now." she said, in a quiet tone he remembered from nights long ago when he was sick, or scared after a silly kiddy nightmare. He got up obediently and closed the window. 
"I needed some air." he whispered. 
She put her hand on his shoulder and pushed softly, coaxing him towards his mattress. He lay down and she carefully put the quilt over him. Then she sat down on the edge of the bed and stroked his hair once. 
"Just go to sleep, Eddy."

He had so many things to say but at the same time he had no words to say them. He stared at her wordlessly for another second. The slight bit of light coming from the window framed her loose hair, almost like she wasn't really there at all, but the soft sound of her breathing told him that she was. Then, finally, he could surrender. He closed his eyes and let the waves of her quiet breaths take him away, floating at last into a deep, dreamless sleep.