late night text || aaronhotchner x reader

Postponed

Before you two left you grabbed your drink and followed morgan inside. You joined Spencer and Penelope. She immediately saw that you were crying. "Oh honey whats up you okay? What did Derek do?" She pulled you in a hug.

"I'm fine Penny. Derek was just being a good person as usual. I'm feeling better than ever." You smiled at her.

"So you good now?" Spence asked you with a concerned face. "I'm definitely better lets say it this way." You walked over to him and hugged him too. "Seems like it." He laughed and put his arms around you.

The rest of the night was actually really funny. Everyone talked and was way more relaxed than usual. Even hotch seemed kind of relaxed even tho you caught him glancing over to you now and then.

After one and a half hours Rossi came up to your little group. "We want to watch a movie to end this night. I have some of the original Charlie Chaplin movies what do you think?" "Sounds great." Penny said. "Then let's go to the movie room. I will set everything up." Rossi said while walking infront of you.

"Of course he has a movie room." You sarcastically said. Spence laughed and hit you with his elbow.

"Oh wait im gonna grab another drink and then I'm there. Does anyone else want something?" They all declined and you made your way back to the kitchen. What you didn't expected and what you didn't noticed was that Aaron would walk after you.

As you poured yourself another glass he was suddenly infront of you. Only the kitchen counter was between you.

"Oh god!" You almost let the bottle fall. "Hotch you scared the shit out of me!" You were searching for a towel because you spilled some.

"I'm sorry. Can we talk for a second please?" As you finished cleaning up the mess you made you said "I dont know what you could possibly want to talk about."

"Dont be like that. You know exactly what this is about." Of course you knew but you didnt want to talk about that now. Didnt he get that? When you wanted to walk past him he blocked your way. "Y/n. Talk to me please." You sighed.

"Okay let's talk. What do you wanna start with? Your current trust issues or the fact that you think I'm a slut that fucks everyone who gives her the chance or the fact that you cant act professional af work? Because I know you let me stay behind with jj for a reason." You literally spat out. He looked at you with a shocked expression on his face.

"You are starting a fight again." He said while he tried to be calm. "Yes. For fucks sake yes I'm starting a fight. But I have a damn good reason to." You couldn't believe that he is forcing you to have this talk with him. He said he would give you time and would until you were ready to do this.

"See. I know what I said wasn't right and completely inappropriate. I dont think of you like that. And yes, I have trust issues. A whole bunch of them. And yes, I let you stay behind with JJ  but only because I cant see you every day whilst knowing that the reason you are so inside of your mind all the time, is me." He passed after that searching for any expression in your face but you just stared at your feet.

"I cant stand seeing you all sad and I surely can't stand the fact that you try to cut off your friends because of the words I said. You think I didn't notice that your barely talking to Morgan anymore? Even Reid? You're pushing everyone away just because I hurt you. Everytime an officer is nice to you you put all your guards up and try anything to make them dislike you. I just want to say sorry for that. I didn't mean to break your heart. Or you."

At first he seemed pretty aggressive but the more he talked to you the softer did his voice get. And you knew that he meant what he said. He really did. But profiling each other is something we promised not to do. And who do he think he is that he thinks he could just do that. Even though Aaron is not wrong with what he said you're still pissed. You turned around and put your hands on your temples.

"You profiled me?! Hotchner. Listen. I appreciate your apology. But It wont make anything better. Yes you broke something in me. You were the first man that made me feel so secure all the time. You made me feel safe and you made me feel special. And with just a couple of sentences you made me fall apart." You turned back around and saw that he was kind of tensed but on the other hand he seemed calmer. Maybe because you were finally talking to him.

"Guess what, you're not the only one who has issues. I have a lot of them too. But looking in the mirror and seeing a whore staring back was never one of them. Until now. Until that thing with us happened and of course I was pushing everyone away. I felt disgusting. I didnt even dare to talk because im so scared that anyone will think the same way that you do. And you know what the worst thing is? That I know that this could have been beautiful. We could have been happy. But instead this thing we had just collapsed because you AND me have been so goddamn stubborn."

You took a deep breath. You were talking so fast and you tried to stayed calm while saying that because you didn't want the team to witness you and him fighting. He just stood there and stared at you. One could see that he was searching for words but you weren't finished yet.

"And let me tell you what Aaron. For me the absolute worst thing is that I miss you. You broke me and I fucking miss you. I cry my heart out every night since then, I have the most horrible nightmares and I still fucking miss you."

You wrapped your arms around you and leaned on the counter. You looked down to your feet. It was silent for a couple of seconds but Aaron seemed to found his voice again.

"Yes I profiled you. And I'm also sorry for that. Look Y/n. I dont know why I said that. Maybe because I was angry or jealous or whatever. It wasn't right. You are not a whore."

Now he stood infront of you. He put both if his hands on your arms but he didnt forced you to look at him. The feeling of his hands on your skin gave you goosebumps.

"You are the most beautiful human being that I had the chance to spend time with. I fucked it up. I told you that I was scared that this is going to happen....  because I knew this was going to happen. I'm not able to keep a relationship. I let Haley go. And now I let you go. And please, please don't feel disgusting. You are far away from that. You are caring, passionate, heartwarming and the most perfect woman I have ever met. Dont feel like this because I'm to dumb to keep my shit together." His voice got more quiet with every word he said and it even cracked sometimes.

You looked him in the eyes. This was the first time you did this since all of this happened and you felt a little pain inside of you. This man looked so broken right now. His eyes were small like he didnt slept in weeks and the huge shadows beneath them didn't exactly made it better.

"And fuck. I miss you too. Every day, hour, minute all I can think of is you. And you dont know what I would do to see you smile again. See you happy again. Get your life back. I fucked you up. And I dont think I can ever forgive myself for doing that. But one thing I can hope for is that one day you can forgive me. Because I know that it will never be the same between us.... but I need you in my life. Even if it's just as my friend or even just as my coworker. But I need you y/n. And you dont know how much."

While saying this his grip on your arms got tighter, like he didn't wanted to let you go. You were still staring at his face. You tried to get something from his expression but all you could get was pure pain and some kind of relief.

"Aaron I kno-" you didnt get any further because Spence came around the corner. "Hotch? Y/n?" He said. Aaron quickly let go of you and turned around to him.

"Reid." He just said in his usual monotone voice. This man is really good at hiding his feelings. "The movie is about to start are you guys coming?" He saw you leaning at the counter and seemed confused. "Yes. We are coming." You said and pushed you off of the corner.

As you walked past Aaron you whispered "Postponed. Not done." And walked away with Reid without turning around again.