Can't Express Myself (Roddy Ricch)

Pregnancy Scare

I sat down in the doctors office I was nervous as shit. I told my parents about the situation with Roddy and my mom laughed as her and my dad told me a story of how he did the same toxic shit to her. Either way I was going to be happy. Roddy had been calling and texting. We had been communicating more. I didn't tell him I was going to the doctor because I wanted to know first.
"Okay so the test results came back in"
I nodded looking at the doctor. He paused being fucking dramatic
"Your not pregnant"
I let out a breath"okay thank you doctor"

I knew it had to be a 72 hours stomach bug. I drove to Roddy house and I got out. I knocked on the door and he came letting me in. He gave me a weak smile he looked as mess he hadn't shaved in a couple days. I walked in an sat on the couch. He sat down next to me. Looking at me "I went to the doctor today" he perked up and smiled

"I'm not pregnant " he smiled dropped and he started playing with his fingers. "So we not getting back together then?" I looked at him. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. He pulled out a blunt and lit it inhaling. "I'm sorry I should have never made a move on you I should known I was going to fuck it up I won't bother you no more" I touched the side of his face "When is the last time you slept or ate Rodrick?" He hit the blunt getting up and going in the kitchen I followed him.

It was Codine bottles all over the counters he picked up a cup and started sipping deeply. "Rodrick you back on lean?". He finished the cup looking at me "I'm good I just need this right now" I sighed going to the fridge "When is the last time you ate?" He stared at me blankly I sighed and started making a healthy meal of baked fish and mixed vegetables with brown rice. "Roddy baby how could you relapse and not tell me?"
"I ain't want to bother you mamas" I pulled up his shirt he had lost alot of weight. "Rodrick no I'm staying here with you this is not okay"

Roddy
I looked at Exotic I felt like I was loosing my mind without her she rubbed my face looking at me. I looked away I couldn't look at her. It was my fault she left me I ruined us. I had no right to ask her or try to manipulate her into be with me again. "Rodrick you could have told me I said I would always be here for you" I nodded looking at her. I looked away again because I had the urge to kiss her.
I pulled away and grabbed my blunt smoking it. I hadn't slept while she was gone or eaten anything.

She went over to the stove and I grabbed another bottle of Codine and sprite. I drink lean to get high but also because it suppresses my sex drive. I poured it and started sipping it looking at her.
She was so beautiful I could believe how bad I fucked up. Now that she wasn't pregnant I knew she wasn't going to get back with me. After all the shit I did she was still here taking care of me.

She fixed me a plate and grabbed the cup out of my hands.
"Rodrick eat something baby" I nodded and grabbed the plate I sat down and started eating. The shit was bomb as always. I finished my plate and got seconds and thirds. I tried to reach for the cup again. "No I'm going to have to ween you of this again."

"Please Exotic I need it" she gave me the cup. I started drinking it down as she gathered the other bottles."what are you doing?" She looked at me
"I'm locking them away how much have you been drinking?"
"2 And half bottles everyday"
"Rodrick!!" I winced looking down I just kept disappointing her. She took the bottles upstairs and hid them somewhere. I stood in the kitchen downing the rest of my cup before I went upstairs. I went and laid in a guest room.

Exotic
Once I had locked the bottles away, I turned and walked out of our bedroom looking for Roddy. I checked downstairs and he wasn't there. So i walked back up looking in the guest bedrooms. He was laying down under the covers. "Rodrick why are you in here?"
"I wanted to give you space I can sleep in here so your comfortable"
I walked over to the bed and got under the cover scooting next to him. He tensed up. I rubbed his face and he closed his eyes. He relaxed and laid on my titties listening to my heartbeat.

I should have checked on him, I didn't know he would started binging on lean again. I helped get him off it before.I would have to slowly ween him because if I cut him off cold it would shock his system and he would die I sighed rubbing his face as he snored on me.

Roddy
I woke up in the middles of the night my mind was still hazy from the lean.i saw Exotic next to me and I smiled kissing her on lips. Then a thought popped in my mind "That's right we not together no more" I sighed and sat up getting up out of the bed. I went to my room and rolled some weed. I lit it and smoked it. I laid on the bed and turned on the TV. I flipped trying to find the a good show.

I landed on something I wasn't even paying attention to. When Exotic walked in the door way looking at me with sleepy eyes. I looked at her then away because it hurt to look at her.
"Roddy you couldn't sleep?"
I shook my head and she walked over to the bed. She laid next to me and I scooted over trying to give her space.
She grabbed the blunt and hit it. I watched her inhale. I started having flashbacks of me being inside her, her riding me scratching my back and screaming my name. I closed my eyes and tried to push away the thoughts you will never have that again so stop thinking about it. I chided myself mentally. "You good Roddy?"
"Yeah" I said getting up going to the bathroom.

The flashbacks started it was the first day I saw her. The first time I made her laugh, when she called me Roddy Ricch for the first time. When I played her my first song. I started hitting my hand against my head trying to make them stop.
I sat down hitting my head, Exotic busted in the bathroom "Rodrick what's wrong?" She grabbed my hands Stopping me. "It's too much"

"What's too much Wayne your scaring me?" I shook my head "it's my fault mamas I'm okay can I get some lean so I can sleep?" She only called me Wayne my middle name when she was really scared I didn't want to tell her what was really bothering me. I just need to keep it to myself. I didn't deserve her she needed to be with somebody who wasn't toxic and could treat her right. "Yeah I will fix you some but you have to tell me what's actually wrong?"

"I'm good I promise mamas." I flashed her a smile.
"So you really gone lie to my face?"
"I'm not trying to lie to you"
"Is this about us?"
"No its not"
"Nigga you can't even look at since I been here you lying"
"Yes it's about me and you there is no us anymore I understand that but thank you for at least being my friend"
Exotic kissed me and I pushed her away.

"Don't do that I'm not good for you I don't deserve you get somebody who can treat you right"
"YOU ARE GOOD FOR ME AND YOU DO DESERVE ME I DON'T WANT NOBODY ELSE!!! she kissed me again and I didn't react the first few minutes until I grabbed her back and kissed her. I kissed her and tears ran down my eyes. Thank you God I swear I won't fuck up. I broke the kiss and she got up to fix my lean and I chugged it down before we fell asleep in bed.

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