Gunned Down (Chasing Dreams Series #4) | C O M P L E T E D

Chapter 42

This chapter is dedicated to: 65219y and fallenblackdeath

Nagmamadali kong isinara 'yung pinto ng kwarto ko—tanda na ang pagkilos ko ay nahaluan ng pagkataranta. Umupo ako sa kama habang nakakaramdam ng matinding kaba.

"Nagkabalikan na ba kayo ng anak ko?" Mrs. Schmidt asked after a long pause.

Yumuko ako at nilaro 'yung laylayan ng t-shirt ko. "Hindi po. Magkaibigan lang po kami ni Marcus."

"Friends..." She repeated. "But you still love each other, right?"

"Opo, Ma'am," sagot ko at napabaling sa bedside table kung saan nakapatong 'yung anklet na binigay sa akin ni Marcus.

Mrs. Schmidt paused again, digesting what I just said. I was hoping that our conversation would turn out differently, but I knew exactly where this was going. Pinagsisisihan ko na sinagot ko pa 'yung tawag niya, ngunit kailangan kong harapin ito.

"Olga, I'm not trying to be rude here. But may I just remind you what had happened to my son when you were together? You put his life in danger. I thought I was going to lose another child. And I know we could never have a peaceful life, but I never expected that someone would hurt him like that. Parang huminto ang mundo ko no'ng nalaman ko ang nangyari sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng gagawin ko. Hindi ko kakayanin, Olga."

Kasunod no'n ay narinig ko ang mahabang pagsinghap ni Mrs. Schmidt—tila nagpipigil ng iyak. Bumagsak naman ang mga balikat ko sa gitna ng pag-init ng gilid ng aking mga mata.

"You get what I'm trying to say? Nag-aalala ako. Kung hindi mo kayang panindigan ang anak ko, mas mabuti pang 'wag mo na lang siyang balikan. Ngayon na lang siya ulit bumabawi mula sa sakit na nagpahirap sa kanya noon. And despite the situation, he still deeply cares for you. He's always thinking about you. He's undoubtedly in love with you, Olga. Nanay niya ako—ramdam at nakikita ko 'yon. You're his happiness, so please make up your mind. Don't give him false hope. Don't make him miserable again. Don't hurt him 'cause it'll hurt me, too."

Buong araw nanatili sa isip ko ang mga salita ni Mrs. Schmidt. Nasaktan ako dahil naiintindihan ko ang pinanggagalingan niya, hindi dahil na-offend ako sa paraan ng pakikipag-usap niya sa akin. Walang bakas ng pambabastos. She didn't cross the line; she was just a mother who was really concerned with her son. And I wouldn't give Marcus any mixed signals as I made it clear that I was still in love with him. But for now, kuntento ako sa kung ano'ng mayroon kami. Naroon pa rin kasi 'yung takot at pangamba ko kaya hindi pa ako handang sumubok.

Yes, I wasn't that brave at all. I would never forget those painful memories; I just had to live with it. It may be a selfish thing to do, but if Marcus could hang on and wait a little longer... Just until I finally overcome my fears that were haunting me for years, then we could start again. Alam ko kasi na hanggang ngayon ay naghihilom pa rin ang mga sugat namin—bagay na hindi dapat minamadali.

The next days, I was back to my old self. Hindi pwedeng palagi na lang akong lutang sa trabaho lalo pa't ilang araw na lang ang ilalagi ko sa headquarters. Nag-volunteer kasi akong mag-transfer sa Precinct 4 sa kadahilanang manganganak 'yung isang officer doon at magkukulang ang tauhan nila sa Women and Children's Protection Desk. Two weeks pa naman ang hihintayin bago ang kanyang maternity leave kaya makakapagpahinga ako. 'Tsaka hindi naman biglaan 'yung desisyon ko, matagal ko na rin 'yong pinag-planuhan; nagkataon lang talaga na mababakante 'yung posisyon. At higit sa lahat, pabor 'yon sa akin kasi medyo malapit lang sa condo 'yung istasyon.

"Sama kami, Bok! Mawawalan na ng diyosa dito sa headquarters pag-alis mo," ani Renan nang naabutan nila akong nagtitimpla ng kape sa kitchen.

Natatawa't nakataas ang kilay, humigop ako ng kape at binilangan ang pagpasok ni Bridgette.